Rode Hard and Put Up Wet
It is even less wise to refer to oneself with this adage, even though I use it right now in the sincerest of (not filthy) terms to describe how freaking tired I am. I cannot sleep sitting up – ever. It is a skill I simply do not possess, perhaps engrained in me through years of parochial school education. Sleeping in class was frowned upon, and I never mastered the “I’m awake but not” look.
What’s even worse is finding myself sitting erect in a tightly confined public space, coming to after hearing a dreadful noise, and then realizing that I made said dreadful noise, a loud combination of snore and snort that always happens if I doze off sitting up. Combine that with wild jerking movements, and that equals a person no one wants to sit adjacent to if she’s trying to snooze upright in a confined area.
Caring what I look like while sleeping in public is shallow and stupid, I know, but I do suspect it is the core reason why I can’t sleep on a plane. I am mortified that I will kick the person in front of me while drooling and making idiotic snort noises and then will wake up and not be able to walk because one leg went to sleep hours ago and is now dead.
So, today, I found my perfect Halloween look in plenty of time. I’ll just stay awake for more than 24 hours; try to sleep in public; fail in spectacular fashion; and then go trick-or-treating immediately. It’s a get-up that is guaranteed to scare people senseless.