Officer, It’s 5AM and I Can’t Find My Car
Ah, Autumn. That glorious time of year when we try to ignore the perpetual par-tay going on in our neighborhood, flinging our upstairs door open at night to let the not-watered-down air waft in while we sleep.
WHEN we sleep. It isn’t easy to get much shut-eye when people are talking on the sidewalk in front of the house at 5AM. It sounds more like they’re in bed with us, a particularly creepy sensation when the conversation is being had by two men, one of whom is obviously a cop.
I don’t think I dreamed this up in the wee hours. MTM, who rises earlier than anyone I’ve ever met, confirmed that he heard the mumblings from his drafting table in the front bedroom, too. The conversation was hilarious. It went something like this.
DUDE: Officer, I can’t find my car.
COP: Is this where you parked it, Sir?
DUDE: It was around, um, 2 when I parked it. I THINK I parked it here.
COP: Uh-huh. Pause. Sir, do you believe your car has been stolen?
Long pause…………………………
DUDE: Um, dunno. It just isn’t here anymore.
DUDE sounds like he is peering around frantically, throwing his voice all over the place.
COP: Are you sure this is where you parked it, Sir?
DUDE: It LOOKS familiar.
Another pregnant pause.
DUDE: Um. Yes.
Impatience now creeps into COP’s voice.
COP: Sir, do you know your license plate number so that we can trace the vehicle?
DUDE: Ummmmmmmmmm……..
DUDE is clearly taxing his brain here.
DUDE: Nope. Don’t know it.
COP: Sir, why were you parking your car in this neighborhood at 2AM if you don’t live here?
DUDE, instantaneous response: I’mnotbuyingdrugs.
COP, in intimidating “I can arrest you” tone: Sir, who were you visiting in this neighborhood?
DUDE: Drugs. No. Drugs. Not. Buying. Any. Drugs.
COP: Can you point out the house, Sir? Is it on this block? Do you even know WHERE you are, Sir?
DUDE: I, um, can’t remember. I just need to find my car………
COP: Sir, exactly how do you want me to help you?
DUDE, excited: Maybe, um, you can ride me around the neighborhood in your police car? I might, you know, find MY car that way?
COP snickers audibly at this preposterous suggestion.
COP: Oh, I’ll give you a ride in my car, Sir. Why don’t you just follow me now.
And so off they walked, with COP likely cuffing DUDE in the process and carting his drunken and/or high rear-end to the slammer. This whole scene left me wondering….
Why doesn’t everyone want to live in Radcliffeborough?
I love it! Sounds like the perfect role for Aston Kutcher.
And yes, I would love to live in your neighborhood. You are very lucky dude live downtown.
For the most part, I love living downtown. These little scenes just add some spice to it.
I guess you can always look on the bright side of living there, you’re always just a moment away from the next interesting, crazy, annoying, gratifying, silly event. There is always life and action surrounding you and you have the best opportunity to make lemonade out of the wacky lemons around you.
I lived in a garage apartment just off campus when I was in college and loved the wackiness that was always around, didn’t really recognize how crazy it was at the time, but, thinking back it was a great experience.
Enjoy the vitality of your area and just let the crazy stuff bounce right off of you. Besides, you can always make cookies when you are awakened at 5 am….
No one would want to eat anything I made at 5am, Lou.
Or, at 5pm for that matter.
The whole conversation was mostly funny. I couldn’t believe that guy was impaired enough to call the cops.
So “Dude, Where’s My Car”
That title is already taken.
Andra, there is a reason why you live downtown and I do not. I require a minimum of 5 to 6 hours of sleep or I cant stand myself much less some drunken sot standing outside of my house blathering about losing his car that he probably never had to begin with. LOL…
That thought reminds me of the time when my friend and I moved into a predominately gay community in Houston Texas. My friend and I were VERY conservative christians that were very evangelistic in nature. Needless to say we were clueless about the environment we were moving into and imagine my surprise when we went to the pool for the first time and learned that “anything goes” with regards to pool attire or the total lack of. Needless to say we did not live in that community very long. It was like lithium had hit water and the fireworks were abundant. LOL
MTM lived in Houston for a while, too, James.
And, I need 8 hours of sleep. In fact, if I could get 10 or 12 and still get everything else done in my life, I would take it!!
i bet you could make a whole separate blog about eavesdropped conversations of drunken college students
That would be a very boring blog, Eugene. For the most part, they’re rebel yelling and laughing and shouting as they do that beer funnel thing.
The only other nighttime one that’s worth mentioning is the drunken dumped college girl who wailed right outside of our house at 3am on her cell to the guy who dumped her. After less than 5 minutes of listening to her, I could completely understand why he did that.
Living downtown makes for good people watching and interesting encounters with people you would otherwise never meet.
Street theater of the highest sort, at least the best since Byron left town…http://www.charlestoncitypaper.com/charleston/best-street-character/Content?oid=1108539
It might’ve BEEN Byron, MTM, though he always rode a bike.