Skip to content

People Are Snorting What?

People are crazy. Make that some people are crazy. Especially the people who buy bath salts and snort them to get high. According to this article in the Huffington Post, such lunatics do exist.

We have coke head, crack fiend, speed demon and meth addict. Do the people at Amazon.com think I am one of these?

Bath-a-holic!

I’ve made no secret of the fact that I love to take baths, and bath salts are one of the most exquisite creations known to this woman. I never, ever allow myself to run out of them. It would be a tragedy. What is a good bath, after all, without relaxing additions to the water?

When I saw that my favorite go-to cheap version – “Queen Helene BaTherapy” – was available in tubs as big as my whole head on Amazon.com, I ordered two of the things. The UPS man had a hard time picking up the box and hoisting it over the porch railing, something that made me very glad that I bought enough to qualify for free super-saver shipping.

I screwed the top off the container and – SHAZAM! – the contents of the lavender version look exactly like……….cocaine.

Oh my stars! Is this what the crazies are snorting up their noses for a bad trip? Does everyone at Amazon.com think I am now one of the crazies because I ordered enough of this stuff in one box to bathe everyone in my town simultaneously?

While I’m obsessing about it, at the same time, I’m terrified that a few stupid people will take away my right to bathe with the accompaniment of salty, scented water. There’s already talk about outlawing the sale of bath salts, meaning that I will have to resort to illegal means of purchase if I want to continue to enjoy my own perfectly legal rituals. I can just see it now. Me, arrested at the end of some dark city street simply because I want to take a bath with additives.

This whole saga is making me so stressed out that I’m having panic attacks. For the time being, anyway, I have just the cure.

I’ll go take a bath with Queen Helene.

Too Much is Just Enough: Bath Salts, Stirred Not Snorted

39 Comments Post a comment
  1. Michael Carnell #

    First! I am first!

    January 26, 2011
    • Lou Mello #

      Only in the hearts of cwazy folks.

      January 26, 2011
      • Well, then I must be in your heart. Cause you are ring leader of the loonies!

        January 26, 2011
    • Lou Mello #

      Proud to be chief loonie.

      January 26, 2011
      • And Andra can be the First Lady of Loonie. If you get a court musician they could be the Loonie Tunie.

        January 26, 2011
    • You two made me laugh until my sides hurt earlier this morning.

      January 26, 2011
  2. Lou Mello #

    Now we know where your slight, teeny weeny, miniscule, nearly invisible quirks come from, the side effects of breathing all those bath salts.

    STOP BATHING NOW, we beg you, DO NOT ruin your life further!

    Your true friends will still care for you, upwind of course.

    If you must continue with your salt and brine baths, please wear a mask to protect yourself, and by yourself I mean us, from your crazy salt high self.

    January 26, 2011
    • Lou, I never, ever would’ve thought to breathe those things up my nose to get high. I mean, it’s salt. It must hurt to inhale salt.

      Now, maybe this is revealing a quirk, but it’s one of those things I wonder. Who was the first person who thought to do this? Like, who was the first person to eat a mushroom and live to tell the tale for the rest of us? Only, in the case of the bath salts, where is this first person who did it so that I can go find them and conk them over the head?

      January 26, 2011
  3. Michael Carnell #

    Ok, now back for real. Wait, snorting bath salts?! Are you serious? That is just nuts. Sounds like something that would not only induce instant brain damage, but also uncontrollable fits of sneezing. And if you tried to wash it out it would get all fizzy in your nose and make your eyes all crossed and watery. Nope, doesn’t sound like fun.

    January 26, 2011
    • I think some of the links to news articles indicate that a couple of people have died from it. In Louisiana, Bobby Jindal is calling for the sale of all bath salts to be outlawed in the whole state. It’s insane. What’s next? Food? Some screw-loo is going to find a way to snort food to get high and suddenly, none of the rest of us can have it?

      January 26, 2011
  4. Has anyone here tried smoking freeze dried coffee? No, I bet not, yet I did. LOL… Man, talk about a rush. Whew…. HA! I think that all of us have tried some crazy stuff in our youth huh? No? Only me? Yes, I did smoke some freeze dried coffee when I was MUCH younger and MUCH stupider. I also experimented with other uhmmmm recreational drugs. Luckily for me the experiments did end and life continued forward with no serious addictions. Now I just get high on life. Wheeeeeee
    Snorting bath salts does sound somewhat odd. I guess at some point folks will do anything for the occasional high. Reading this post makes me want to go jump in a hot tub with tons of bubbles and just stay there until I shrivel up into a giant prune. Yawn…

    January 26, 2011
    • James, I avoid freeze dried coffee, period. It isn’t real coffee. It is nasty. And, no, I never, ever thought to smoke it. That is funny.

      You’d better head over to Amazon and buy the big 5 pound tubs of Queen Helene like I did, because I fear that it is going to go the way of my Alka-Seltzer Plus fizzy cold tablets………..

      January 26, 2011
  5. Queen Helene is my go-to for Cocoa Butter! Love that stuff. And Andra, the evidence of your little “addiction” is pictured right here in this post. Be more discreet next time. :) What will the folks at Amazon (and the authorities) think?

    January 26, 2011
    • What’s worse is that I was laughing so hard while trying to take the photo that I almost accidentally inhaled some of it. Almost.

      I’ve never tried any other Queen Helene product. I will look at the cocoa butter.

      January 26, 2011
      • Top shelf at the Teeter, baby.

        January 26, 2011
      • You’re going to laugh, Angie, because I just had another obsessive session of stupidity in the tub. I think I should’ve just snorted the bath salts and been done.

        Hope you get a lot of work done tonight. xo

        January 26, 2011
  6. I’m already mad at meth addicts because my otc cold meds aren’t as good anymore. Now bath salts!?!

    I could take off with a rant about how our society is driven by the stupidest element, but I’ll leave it at this is just whack, and I had better get out somewhere and buy some–along with a bath bomb–soon.

    January 26, 2011
    • I know, Vera. I visited every store I could think of this fall to try to find Alka-Seltzer Plus fizzy tabs. They’re gone, and the capsules don’t work nearly as well. I was cursing the meth dealers and the meth addicts when I got a head cold. When I found big vats of Nyquil at Costco, I bought them, because I didn’t think they sold those anymore, either.

      January 26, 2011
      • They still have Nyquill and Dayquill, but the formula is different now. What will they do to bath salts?

        January 26, 2011
      • Stop selling them has been what I’ve read, though certain ingredients in them are the problems.

        January 26, 2011
  7. I can’t believe it! BATH SALTS!!!
    I really just can’t believe it!

    January 26, 2011
    • I would say ‘only in America’ but this has probably already spread to where you are in South Africa. The sheer number of American news stories already extant help enlighten others to try these quaint new practices.

      I love your blog. I think I have visited it before, because the name caught my eye. The Sherlock Holmes/Conan Doyle card is very witty.

      January 26, 2011
  8. Stupid people will always do stupid things no matter what you do.

    Prohibition didn’t work, and we still haven’t recovered from the side effects. Best we can do is to not be the stupid people and remove the laws against victimless crimes.

    January 26, 2011
    • Anyone who would snort bath salts is at the apex of the stupid chain.

      January 26, 2011
      • The apex of the stupid chain is reserved for those who try to prevent stupidity by prohibiting it.

        I can’t wait to see what stupid rules they try when someone figures out how to get high on H2O or air.

        January 26, 2011
      • I thought getting high on oxygen was as easy as breathing more of the pure stuff.

        January 26, 2011
  9. Queene Helene BaTherapy in Lavender is a gift from the gods. Don’t snort…float. Soak on. Do you have a rubber duckie to keep you company in la bath?

    January 26, 2011
    • I have two, Cheryl: a little yellow one that looks cute and happy, and a red one with horns that looks like the devil.
      :)

      January 26, 2011
      • mtm #

        Hey! You promised you would never tell anyone about my Red Scuba Suit with the Devil Horns!

        January 26, 2011
      • Oopsie……….

        January 26, 2011
      • The secret is out!

        Do the duckies have battles of good and evil amongst the foam?

        I really miss my wonderful Jacuzzi from the house in Summerville. That thing was a real treat. Sigh.

        January 26, 2011
      • They stay on the side of the tub. I always forget to put them in.

        My jacuzzi tub is broken, so we’re in the same boat. :(

        January 26, 2011
      • I have a little devil duckie named Davina :-)

        January 26, 2011
  10. Jill Stevenson #

    Andra, I work part time at a Wild Birds Unlimited and we have problems ordering replacement tubing for hummingbird feeders because people use that to make meth! The last time we tried to order, the NC equivalent of SLED came to see us!!! As for snorting bath salts, using a neti pot is kind of the same thing and sometimes that burns if you put too much salt in the pot.

    January 26, 2011
    • People are sick. Really. I had no idea all these mundane things went into the making of meth.

      I knew there was a reason that I don’t like the neti pot (other than not being able to blow my nose.)

      January 26, 2011
  11. A Guess #

    Since you have given me bath salts, those lovely grapefruit salts from Muji, does that make you my dealer?

    January 26, 2011
  12. Andra, I saw an article last week about three guys breaking into a home and stealing what they thought was cocaine but it turned out to be the ashes of the homeowner’s husband! They snorted it and finally decided that it was such bad stuff they would quit!

    January 26, 2011
    • Where was that article, Marie? That is hilarious. I’m going to go let my fingers do the googling and try to find it.

      January 26, 2011

Talk Amongst Ourselves

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 15,342 other followers

%d bloggers like this: