Things People Don’t Need to Find
Okay, this is a rerun of sorts. But, I haven’t done a post like this one in a while, and it is late. I just spent the evening with a woman I’ve known for ten years who I have tons of things in common with and did not manage to figure this out until just now. So, I spent more time working on that tonight than my blog.
Still, the good Googlers of the world did not fail to disappoint me. It is almost 1AM, and I am rabidly checking my blog stats for yesterday. Because this blog has no consistent theme and is about nothing really, I manage to aggregate some, *ahem,* colorful search terms.
Especially given the title.
So, let’s celebrate the preposterous things people spend their time looking up online.
“What is porn?”
Really? Someone on earth doesn’t know what porn is? REALLY? Did this person put this search term into Google to thwart some spouse or partner, to cover their tracks somehow?
“Gave up porn for Lent“
Wow. That’s commendable. How have you been confessing the whole porn thing the rest of the year? Do you fail to mention that when you go? How does that work, exactly?
“Can you snort Batherapy lavender?”
I suppose you can snort pretty much anything you like. But WHY? WHY?
“Why can’t I just marry myself?”
If you are asking this question – seriously – you are the only person who would have you.
“What is sculpture?”
How does Google know what sculpture is? How does anybody? I mean, I think the piles of paper on my desk have a sculptural element, but no art critic would agree with me.
“Amber Deutsch Law”
Amber, someone is looking to hire you. I wish I could tell you how to find them.
“No bathing during Lent”
Dear God. I hope I don’t know who you are, though I can probably smell you from here.
“My mom and dad doing it”
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
“Andra porn”
Oh my stars. Was THAT person disappointed.
Anyone have any interesting/colorful/ridiculous search terms to share?
Hal 9000…..Dave……Dave……Dave…..Stop Dave, I’m afraid.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ukeHdiszZmE&w=480&h=390%5D
I have never seen that movie. But you and several other people have given me an inspired idea for my post tomorrow.
Thank you.
Our lot in life is to lay down our drone like lives to inspire the Queen.
You are going to be SO SORRY you wrote that, Lou.
I’m going to give the first one the benefit of the doubt and believe they were perhaps looking for that elusive, much debated definition of what exactly constitutes porn.
The rest, eh. Humans are the strangest animals walking the planet.
The most frequent search item that hits my blog is “eric clapton’s yacht”.
Apparently, Mr. Clapton has a fairly famous yacht. They hit my blog because when The ManChild was in Rhodes, Slowhand’s yacht was a few berths down and I asked the if ManChild had gone “knock, knocking on Eric’s door”.
Isn’t it funny how we can write some random thing like that, and it stays with us forever? That is funny. I’m sure people are confused when they get “Kittens on the Keyboard” in their hits.
It has been a very long time since I watched that movie Lou.
I would imagine that if people are entering the word porn into a search engine they know what they are doing.
I am going to sound like a hillbilly when I ask this question. How does one find out who is searching for what on their blog? I have no clue who has been looking at my blog unless they actually comment on something I have driveled about.
You’ll have to ask Queen Andra that question, I am merely a humble servant follower.
WordPress.com has its own statistics page. If you are self-hosted, then I think you have to use Google analytics or something like that to find out your stats and search terms.
Andra, I thoroughly enjoyed our storytelling dinner last night — though now I feel like a bad influence for keeping you out past curfew and cutting into your blogging time!
I have nothing to add on the topic of search terms, as people have found the library blog only by searching for authors & titles, but obviously I need to slip some spicier keywords into our posts to attract random googlers. I’m thinking about starting the next teen book review with “This is not porn.”
Andria, you were NOT a bad influence. I can’t remember the last time I enjoyed myself so much that I lost track of time. I had fun, and we must do that again.
Thank you for spending so much of your evening with me.
I’m certain if you use that title, you will get lots of hits, and not just from teens.
I feel bad when reasonable search terms lead someone to my site! For example: “ordinary ladder” or “travel blog” And I sure get a lot of searches for “diy neti pot”
“fife minutes”
“all you got to is cry”
“how to reply to an email when you don’t have answers”
“nude survival training”
“siting on your couch kills you bulls**t” (censored by me)
Well, you did write 2 posts about the neti pot……
Nude survival training? How did that compute with your blog?
And, I got called an idiot today – TWICE – on my YouTube channel. It’s been a banner day for me in cyberspace.
I will assume that people are perhaps doing research for school or something and they need to find the definition of “porn” and some of the other subjects. It is all purely scholarly I am sure!
You people have such dirty minds. I am just surprised at you.
You are always willing to give folks the benefit of the doubt, aren’t you?
Funny funny funny stuff. So I checked analytics and I’m pretty boring. Most people land on my blog by searching “angie mizzell.” I hope they are, indeed, looking for my blog and not random stalkers. “Gonna have a good time” was also popular, but it received a 100% bounce rate. Clearly, my blog was not what they were looking for.
It’s funny. Sometimes I can tell exactly what a person searched for and read. But, if a reader hits my blog, they may stick around for an hour, reading articles. I don’t know whether or not they ever return, but it is fun to track.
That’s quite a fun game! People have visited me by searching for farctate; blutack stains wall; tudor joke; bird nesting bags (boy must they have been disappointed with the post which *that* would have linked to!); room full of books; lack of inspiration; quite a few for medieval doll clothes; and someone wanting a crochet scholarship! Quite a few other things too. I hope they weren’t too disappointed…
Incidentally, I was quite pleased by how many must have been looking for my actual blog! 15 views.
Farctate is my word of the day!!!!!! Thank you. Awesome word.
Isn’t it funny how search terms hit a blog? I never think about that when I’m writing a post. Do you?
Incidentally, I entertained a delightful couple from Peterborough today. They were visiting my city for the first time.
Farctate is the best
I’ve been using it and trying to revive it for many years since I discovered it.
No, I don’t usually consider people searching for stuff I blog about, unless I think that post just might be something of interest. Then I might spend a few mins thinking of tags. But usually I just write any old thing…
Darn … I get really busy one day and miss the blog … and there I am! For anyone looking for me, you can call 843-452-1993, email Amber@ASDLawFirm.com or fax 843-725-6541
Unfortunately I don’t have a webpage right now (I know, bad businesperson, bad business person!). But I hope to do so soon!