I Ate a Football. It Was Gluten Free.
One of the biggest things I miss about trying to live gluten-free is bread. White, hot, airy, delicious bread. It is my biggest cheat, the thing I sneak and eat, or stuff down my brazen gullet, with shocking regularity.
A little doesn’t bother me. But, last weekend, I had a bread orgy. I started eating it, and I could not stop. I had burgers. I scarfed panzanella, that gorgeous salad of tomatoes, cucumbers and bread, bread, bread. I ate pastry. And more pastry. And still MORE pastry.
Dear Reader, I paid for it. I will spare you the details.
My friend and guide son’s mother Kristen loaned me her Gluten-Free Girl book. I brought it home and scanned its pages, hoping to find reasonable facsimiles of things I used to eat. And, voila! There it was. In all its glory, the good Gluten-Free Girl had her very own recipe for Jim Lahey’s no-knead bread, a bread I adore so much I bought MTM the cookbook last year.
If anyone wants that blasted bread cookbook/instrument of torture, please let me know. But, I digress.
Forty dollars later, I had all the ingredients to make my own version of the gluten-free no-knead bread. Packets of potato starch and tapioca flour and a host of other powdery substances I never encountered were arranged across my counter. This girl who doesn’t bother to read instructions labored over ever syllable of every word for hours to get her little loaf of promised heaven to come out perfectly. I hovered over the oven like it was incubating the next Messiah. The house smelled like a delectable bakery. My mouth started a fit of out-of-control drooling. I could not wait to slather my bread with some salted butter and eat it scalding hot.
Hours later, I finally pulled out the cast iron Dutch oven, removed the lid, and – shazam! – I created a football. My glorious vision of no-knead bread was a dense, cakey, crumbly mess. If I had given into the urge to spike the thing in frustration, it probably would’ve made a crater in the floor.
Never fear, Dear Reader. My fall-back position will be to do what I should’ve done in the first place…….let MTM make the gosh-darn gluten-free bread for me.
Too Much is Never Enough: Bread