Every year, MTM and I observe the tradition of St. Nicholas Day. We shop for little gifts, and we pack them into long stockings to be opened on December 6. It’s a fun tradition, mostly because I am impatient. That bulbous stocking, bursting with loot, is such a tease. I don’t like to wait to open wrapped packages. It gives me a hollering excuse to tear into the outer shell and coo over my stocking haul a couple of weeks ahead of the big day.
This year found me at a loss for what to buy my man. I’ve fallen into something of a rut with my assortment of stocking stuffers. Ruts are bad news. No one wants to be TOO predictable.
If you know one thing about me from reading this blog, it’s that I Don’t. Like. Ruts. I took to the web determined to find a singular offering worthy of my unique mate. Okay, I’ll say it – my unique, persnickety ARCHITECT mate.
I googled the man some new pens, because his hoard of his favorite discontinued model is dwindling. I even made a jaunt to the office supply store to try several of them. Everyone is supposed to know (according to architects) that one must hold the writing instrument in the hand, determine that its shaft fits between the fingers, and ensure that it emits just the right amount of ink when given the ideal nudge of pressure. After trying about twenty pens, my hand cramped up on me, a sign of foreboding. I couldn’t determine which pen caused the pain – and it could’ve been any of them – leaving me to admit defeat and flee. No new writing implements for the festishizer of the pen.
I considered giving the man a bell for his bicycle. Small box. Compact. He doesn’t have a noise-maker on the bike he prefers to ride. Once again, I googled my way through more options than I knew existed, from vintage models to neon versions. None of them had that stamp of ‘design approval,‘ that minimalist sensibility. Plus, I couldn’t hear the pitch of the tinkle of sound through my computer screen. Defeated. Again.
Have I mentioned lately how impossible it is to shop for an architect??
With a heaving sigh, I googled ‘bacon gifts.’ MTM is a vegetarian, but he has somehow rationalized that bacon fits within the realm of non-meat-eating. Having the bacon-of-the-month truck deliver a big slab of pig with his name on it every month would give me a perverse form of amusement. (And, I’d get to eat it, too.)
Instead, here’s what I found.
Add to cart.
Click purchase.
Serve and enjoy.
I clicked over, and the story behind Baconlube is hilarious! Just proves we are a nutty breed, we humans. Add a little meat to his stocking. He’ll love it. April Fools! No, Happy St. Nicholas Day, silly!
Also, it think it’s great how St. Nicholas Day keeps the romance alive (with or without bacon lube)… it keeps you in the dating mindset when you try to find small gifts your partner may appreciate.
I thought the story behind this product hilarious as well, Angie. And, some of their other offerings are equally funny. I am intrigued by the bacon lip balm……
Add a little meat to his stocking … and he’ll add some … oh, I just can’t do it! Someone should, but it can’t be me.
Hahaha, Roxanne. But you did it anyway.
hahahaha
There are far too many double entendres here for me to deal with! Bacon lube? Fudge? Meat in the stocking?!
What’s a poor girl to think?!
Obviously, this post got you, um, bothered, Miss May.
Bothered?! I think not. More like sizzling. Scooting around like I was popping on a hot frying pan.
Haha.
The man needs a fudgy stocking, not bacon lube. Get thee hence to the fudge store post haste! Or try the home recipe for more fun and more mess.
http://www.metacafe.com/fplayer/549460/yummy_fudge.swfYummy Fudge – Click here for more home videos
Lou, I am hopeless at fudge-making, and will eat all of it myself if I buy any. Chocolate, he shall get in his stocking.
Here’s some crafty ideas for bacon flowers and more…
http://www.geekosystem.com/tag/bacon-flowers/
The problem with my crafting is that nothing ever turns out looking like the picture. Instead, it looks like a four-year-old made it.
I think you should get together with Vera. She could knit a bacon scarf for you to give him! I can see the stripes of meat and fat it it now. It would be cool. And if she got totally ambitious, there could be a great egg hat to go with it.
Bacon lube….. “squeal like a pig”!!
I was waiting for someone to make the Deliverance reference.
Can you imagine the television commercials? Ha. Good Job Andra! Great purchase.
They must have tv commercials someplace. Can they show commercials for products in this category?
They probably can show the tv commercials late, late at night, or early morning. I know that when I’m up that late (or early) there are a lot of commercials regarding “call dates” for men and/or women….I just hope Sterling doesn’t get one of the “bacon” commercials because I am going to see EVERYTHING that he does and I think I’d be wincing and watching through my fingers….
I hope Sterling doesn’t need to do bacon lube commercials because he will be too busy making great indie movies and series.
(and, I hope none of them use bacon lube as a prop……)
You mean like this? http://youtu.be/pb16UBL8EJQ
Hahaha!!!
I can’t wait to put the maxim “Everything’s better with bacon” to the test!
Hahahahaha!!!
Oh my! So much for dear MTM not eating meat….
That, to use an English expression. is totally bonkers.
I really though so, too, Kate. It is so funny to me what gets produced in answer to public demand.
RATFLMAO – especially at MTM! Btw, love the pic.
I am still laughing at this product, Denise. It deserves to be bought for the sheer hilarity. Glad you enjoyed.
Between the post and the comments, I cannot stop shaking my head and grinning….
In the same vein, you could add these accompaniments to your offerings:
http://www.baconfreak.com/bacon-freak-fleece-blanket.html and
http://www.baconfreak.com/boss-hogs-bacon-chocolate-sueyts-milk-chocolate.html
Joking aside (or not) this St. Nicholas Day tradition is a lovely idea.
MTM introduced this tradition into our household, Karen. In Wisconsin, where he grew up with a big concentration of people with a German heritage, this was a big deal for him growing up. Since he is married to the ultimate grown child who goes bonkers every holiday season, he thought this would be perfect for me.
He was correct.
I would have enjoyed sharing stockings on December 6th as a child . . . December 25th ALWAYS took far too long to arrive.
Baconlube sounds like a perfect stocking stuffing for MTM.
Nancy, I was so deplorable growing up that I forced the family to do Christmas on Christmas Eve by the sheer will of my nagging. I begged to open gifts for weeks. I opened them and rewrapped them. I hunted all over the house. I practiced a technique for catching Santa Claus when I was really small and almost succeeded when I was 6. It sounds like you may have been a bit like me.
Yes. We peeked at packages hidden with care.
My mother started “coding them” so we wouldn’t know which gifts were ours . . . what a spoil sport!
Haha. Your mom was a smart lady, Nancy.
Handmade bacon gifts for everyone.
I am loving the bacon band aid.
baconlube. Pretty funny! I’m sharing that with my office mates. I’m sure they will think it’s hilarious. Thanks for the smile =)
You’re welcome. Let us know if anyone buys their own supply.
BaconLube! There is truly something for everyone via the Google hunt. I love it!
When I was a kid, I used to sneak out to my stuffed stocking in the early mornings before the BIG morning, and filch chocolates and other sweets to carry back to bed with me. By Christmas, my stocking was a bit deflated, but it made the waiting much easier.
I love the visual of you eating candy in bed in the early hours of morning.
Hahahahahahaha and gross, all at the same time! I’d love an entire post in which MTM explains bacon as an integral part of a vegetarian diet
I will inform him of your request, Tori. That could be an entertaining story the next time he writes for the blog. (I suspect he will just blame his bacon consumption of his wife.)
I know, I’m late to the “party” but where are the animal rights activists in this whole discussion?
You were very creative for this year’s St. Nicholas day shopping.
I’m wondering if any of you have seen the Nativity scene that Mike Courteny posted to his Google+ profile? I’ll reference the URL, but you may have to be “on” Google+ to view. https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-omp4KYxkUrY/TscRAPy6VcI/AAAAAAAAAWc/9KC-LI05mq8/h301/FFEDd.jpg
Judging by the number of clicks to the product, they are all over there buying up the bacon lube.
I am headed over to check out the link.