Mama Get Your Gun Redux
In honor of my father’s Southern Gothic purchase of a Beretta for my sweet mother, a repost.
When I was little, my Mom had this incredible purse. One of those highly-structured bags from the 1960′s, it was covered in tan snakeskin with an off-center brass clasp along the top. Even the interior was lined with leather. Oh, I was too tiny and oblivious to appreciate all of these details back then. I merely thought the purse was pretty.
Mom had this bag made for her by someone in Nashville, Tennessee. I don’t know whether she designed it herself or if she let the maker draw it up for her. Either way, it was, to me, a priceless work of art.
My Mom is the most beautiful woman I know. Still. But, carrying that purse, she was electrifying.
The chic designs of the 1960′s gave way to the fashion disasters of the ’70′s, and Mom put her out-of-vogue pocketbook away, storing it far in the back of her closet, on a shelf at the top. For years, I never saw it.
But, I never forgot it.
When she asked me what I wanted for Christmas a couple of years ago, my mind raced back to that vanished bag. Of all the things I could think of that conjured my mother, nothing did it for me better. “Do you still have that big snakeskin pocketbook?” I asked, trying to be casual and not give away how much I craved it.
“That old thing? THAT’S what you want?” she asked, incredulous.
When I nodded, she said distractedly before hurrying off down the hall, “Well, I’ll have to go get the guns out of it first.”
Guns?
?
!
MTM and I exchanged a look before quickly following her to her bedroom, the doorway into which we both saw her disappear. When we got there, she was up on a chair, rooting around in the top of her closet. She moved boxes and shoes and all manner of detritus before, finally, pulling that purse from the farthest corner. Even covered in dust, it was gorgeous. My breath caught in my throat, and I reached my hands out eagerly to touch it again for the first time in years.
Instead, she moved past me and put the bag on the bed, clicking open the clasp to reveal two guns: a Glock-type handgun and an antique pearl-handled pistol. She started to stick her hand in there and pull one out, when MTM stopped her. I don’t know whether this was all too Southern Gothic for him or what, but he did not want my mother handling her own guns. He eased them out of the purse like he was handling nuclear weaponry.
He and I were both shocked to see that the antique gun was loaded. Every chamber contained a bullet. MTM cried, “What are you DOING with this in the house? I’m taking these bullets out right now.”
My Mom – my prim, proper, dainty, Southern-lady Mom – said, “But, if someone breaks into the house, I want to be able to defend myself.”
How she planned to defend herself when it took her at least five minutes to FIND the bag that contained the guns in the first place was a mystery to both of us. MTM unloaded the weapon and left the whole mess there on the bed, and we’ve never seen those guns again.
Who knows where she’s hiding them now. If I ask for her wedding dress, will it come with guns attached?
Mom with her spanking new Beretta
Of course, we all know every Mother keeps their guns in their old purses.
https://encrypted-tbn3.google.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR9iQpbXCmHQAAzZZFZ8Xd-ztX76ur0l2FpdQ0yHdn5OJB55tm3
Linda hangin with the Bing.
Lou, your links today are perfect.
This is still my favorite post! But the photo at the end? Classic! I love the sweet look on her face. I can see Mom Watkins greeting the intruder with a gun and a smile…
I just hope she isn’t sleeping with this one under her pillow.
I hope it is not up in the closet buried under a bunch of stuff where she cannot get to it if need be.
You’ll shoot your ear off, kid!!
This one has a high-tech super-sexy case, James. You could probably knock someone out with it.
Look at her wielding that weapon LOL! Awesome, Mrs W.
I hope it wasn’t loaded……….
lOL love it. absolutely hilarious and wrotten fantastically!!!!!
Thank you.
I love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That’s one of our favorite pastimes, we go pumpkin carving with guns.
Oh, yeah, I’m sure you can tell where I’m from. 
Oh, and the pearl handled one? Yeah, I can see that I thought all southern belles had a pearl handled pistol.
My father subsequently sold the pearl handled pistol. (He likes to sell things.) I think this purchase was to make up for selling the other two.
Angie is right, that last photo of your mom is a classic! A good thing you weren’t burrowing around in the closet for hidden Christmas presents too.
Speaking of that, my uncle brought his new pride and joy down from North Carolina to show us. He got a 22 magnum revolver from my aunt as a Christmas present this year. Funny thing is, it is tiny! It looked almost like a toy … or a replica you would hang on the tree. But this is no toy. That then started the discussion of conceal and carry permits, who in the family owns how many and what guns, and whether hand guns or rifles are the preferred armament.
An amazing Christmas discussion. Your mum and James Moffit would have loved it.
Some of the people who went on the Friendship Exchange to England started the same discussion in front of the English people. They were mortified and enthralled at the same time.
Very funny that he brought the gun to show it off.
wow…. 22 magnum huh…. You are correct, weapons are not toys and should be treated with the utmost of respect. The dangerous thing about the .22 caliber round is that it all of the energy of this round is spent inside the body. It rarely penetrates and likes to bounce around inside the body like a ping pong ball causing all sorts of mayhem.
Ick.
Oh I absolutely LOVE this!!!!! The picture of Ms Linda is nothing less than priceless!!! I had no idea. She told me to stop by and see her anytime. Looks like I better call before I come! Lol
Ask to see her gun. She will probably be happy to show it to you.
Andra, chuffed to bits that you reposted this. We haven’t forgotten the story (well, who would??) since our meet in London, and to see it for real has been a Christmas treat for Phil and I. Thanks!
This picture was too good not to use in a repost, Kate. Glad you and Phil approve.
Love this photo of your Mom!
The first time I read this tale I recalled a little ditty from my childhood, so today I went on the hunt, and discovered it was actually written in the year of my birth. I actually remembered most of the lyrics!
Very funny, Karen. And appropriate.
Ha! I have not heard this song in YEARS. Cute…
Ooops….I see Lou and I were both on the same track this morning.
That happens around here sometimes.
Wonderful, Andra! Though I’m a bit surprised there’s no photo of the gun-toting purse with this post.
BTW: If we want to protect ourselves from intruders . . . a shotgun kept loaded under the bed is best ~ just point in the general direction and FIRE. Aiming a pistol is hard to do with eyes blurry from sleep.
Here’s a link to the original post, which does contain a picture of the purse, Nancy. And, thank you for the link today.
OH MY… I AM in heaven with this post…. Almost giddy with … excitement…
Your mother is the third person I know who received a weapon (handgun) for Christmas. I am also very impressed with the fact that your dad bought a Beretta. Those are considered to be top of the line and very fine weapons. You will need to get your mom to join our South Carolina Concealed Facebook page IF she is on Facebook. We are planning on going to the range sometime in January to do some target practice. (jumping up and down going OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY!!!)
giggle…
Mom is on Facebook. I’m sure she read this post today and can join that group if she wants. She really does like to target shoot.
Oh and before I forget Andra, I would love to know the make and model of that Beretta so I can go drool over the specifications.
Wonderful! And, God help me, I’ve been in Texas too long, because I want that pistol.
It might come in handy in the more desolate parts.
Perhaps the wedding dress comes with the holsters?
Your mom is both gorgeous and a well-armed force to be reckoned with!
I’m glad I revisited this post, because I forgot all about the wedding dress.
That’s going to be my new line: Sure, you can have that, but I’ve got to get my guns out of it first.
xo
Now that you have three high-powered Nerf weapons……
Wow, does this story resonate! Hiding guns in old purses perched high upon a closet shelf (where the kids could never find them, of course!) must be a “southern lady” thing. I learned that my mom did the same thing (but not until my 20′s, mind you). When I asked how in the world she’d ever get to it in time to defend herself, and therefore why keep it there, I got a long pause coupled with a puzzled look. I think she had never thought out those logistics – only the part about not wanting your kid to get ahold of a gun….
My mom never considered those logistics, either. It took her five minutes to get those things down from the top of the closet. An intruder could harm her in a tenth if that time. Southern lady thing is right.
Good Lord! My mum made do with a bottle of Holy Water!
Holy Water would make me feel better than this weapon, but it’s her thing.
How shockingly hilarious, Andra. What we don’t know about our parents! Your dad with the beautiful pipe and your mom with an eye for handbag fashion! You come from good artistic stock! Very cool! Debra
Ha! Artistic stock. How true that statement is, Debra.