Behind the Green Door
Welcome to a week-long series of posts with the titles of classic porn films. Readers contributed titles in this post, and I am writing stories that somehow fit the title in an effort to stretch my ability to form creative connections. Could be hit or miss. We’ll see. Thanks for starting 2012 in my little sliver of the web.
I am a door. I am green. See? Here’s what I look like, though I resent that frilly, fake piece of attire. SHE likes to hang stupid stuff on me. I prefer living in the buff. It’s more refined. Approachable. Welcoming.
She decided to paint me a color that screams look-at-me mixed with a little come-on-in. I stand out against the color HE chose, the one that conjures an angry horizon juxtaposed against foamy whitecaps on a stormy day. HE prefers minimalist hues blended with a dash of the forbidding.
That’s the fine art of the tease. Demure refinement requires a mere sliver of ornamented flesh to inflame imaginations and arouse fantasies. A glimpse of cleavage. Perhaps a slit that travels an extra inch of leg. A flash of a toned back. Possibility. In playing my role, I’m nothing short of masterful, the dash of boom-boom that makes people burn to enter me whole. If people think I’m easy……well, that diminishes my powers of seduction.
That’s why I’m so upset that an upstart is prostituting my signature look. They even mentioned me, lauding my studied attire as the inspiration for their own grasp at titillation. Their rendition is a cheap date, one of those I’m trying too hard to look like a tart tarts, teetering in rhinestone-encrusted plastic shoes and a tight mini-skirt. Too much fuel can sear the eyes in a cauldron of the hectic heat. People may gawp and gasp, but they must eventually rest their assaulted orbs by looking elsewhere. Do you have a neighborhood tragedy like this one?
Robert Johnson of The Quotidian Hudson contributed the porn classic Behind the Green Door. Little did he know MTM and I live behind the green door all the time.
How did the purple people eater people get away with this horrid paint scheme. I would have thought the BAR would have totally denied this.
Nothing left for you to do than to make a midnight foray and do a little paintover. And when you’re done, you may have something like this:
http://www.countryjoycrafts.com/images/rainbowhouse.jpg
The owner has been the talk of the neighborhood. Nobody understands how the BAR approved these paint colors. He owns several more houses around the corner that are bright green, and he’s got another one down the street from this one with sample colors up that are equally abominable. He builds houses, rents them to college students and puts them up for sale concurrently. That scheme used to be quite lucrative. Now, I think he rents a lot more than he sells.
Oh yeah, a blast from the past:
Good one.
It looks like they are trying to keep the haints away. When I was a little girl I asked a lady why her house was painted so brightly, and she said it was to keep the haints away. Haints, she explained, were the reason we had bad dreams. She went in to details about bad juju, and a witch that would ride your back in your sleep. After hearing all of this, at only ten years old, I yearned for a house of a different color….
We do have a few haints in the neighborhood….”I haint goin’ to class today, ’cause I was up all night partyin’”. Be great if this would keep them away.
Too bad the purple house is stock full of college students……..obviously, glaring color schemes do not work.
We chose a haint color for our piazza ceilings for that reason, Krista, but we wanted something besides the usual blue.
Love it! Just glad I’m not their neighbor. The title reminded me of my trip to Ireland. They had BRIGHT doors there. One of the many things I loved about Ireland.
I am a fan of bright doors, too. I look at Irish doors on Pinterest all the time.
Sorry you are still not well, Lori.
Andra, what a wonderful tease of an article!
And thanks for the links to Ms. Von Teese’s work. I think Bill Smithem will have fun enjoying those images.
This series will be quite a lot of fun.
And we used to have a purple house a few blocks from my abode (when I lived on Rutledge). It tumbled in on itself a few years ago and a new house stands there now. However, it had been located on King St. at Cypress St.
The purple-bordello house stands on the site that used to be a hotel. When MTM moved into the neighborhood, it was abandoned and used for drugs and, likely, prostitution. Somehow, the blue lights must hark back to that era.
I think Dita’s awesome, more her personal style than the clothing removal side of it.
Yes, her dresses as highlighted in the link you provided are über stylish!
She wears a lot of vintage, which I love. I wish I could find more of it without having to pore through piles of stuff.
I love the links in your posts as much as the posts themselves sometimes!! Dita von Tease!!! Long may she …. um do her thing.
I’ve been a fan of hers for a long time. Her clothes are to die for. I wrote a post about her a long time ago.
http://andrawatkins.com/2010/05/28/a-friendship-built-by-a-stripper/
I am still stuck on the line, “the dash of boom-boom that makes people burn to enter me whole”. What the heck?!?
Where is Kenneth Andrews when you need him for comment?
Not reading my blog. Obviously.
A movie inspired that line. Talk to Her by Pedro Almodovar. Watch it sometime.
You actually want me to watch that movie? I just read the synopsis and all you linked to. Really? Watch it?
Yes, I actually want you to watch that movie. It’s great.
I cannot help myself . . .
I love purple
I love lime
Mixed together
NOT sublime!
This post and the links (as well as yesterday’s) are most entertaining. This is just plain fun!
It has been really fun for me to try to come up with something to fit these titles, Karen. A real challenge.
Holy Moly – the purple/lime combo requires wrap around shades ;( Great piece (as was yesterday’s), I’m enjoying your take on what’s proving to be an interesting theme!
You should see it in person. It really does require shades to look at it. Neon purple.
I’m glad you’re enjoying the series. You started your new year out perfectly, and I enjoyed reading about it on your blog.
http://sfoptics.com/images/blog/dita-von-teese-chanel-sunglasses-4180.jpg
here’s some shades for you
I likey. I likey.
MTM has one of your faves coming to his office on Thursday. Strada Cucina.
Like how I covered all the bases, Breakfast at Tiffany’s style, shades, and Dita, all in one picture? It’s because I’m an interwebs badass.
And MTM is a lucky man, Strada will treat him right! Tell him to post a picture of what he gets on G+ so I can check it ou!
I will let him know. He’s probably forgotten how to log in to G+.
Love this! I always love hearing what achitecture has to say; usually it’s the house that talks to me (and that purple and green one is shouting), but now i know a door has a story, too.
Yes, our poor door is very offended to have too many green shutters copy it in such a loud manner.
Back up north, near where I grew up, someone got a bit carried away with a house right on the main drag. The folks running things in that town took offense. Far as I know, there is still a law on the books that it’s illegal to paint a house pink on Main Street.
Check “Notify me of follow-up comments via email.”… check “Notify me of follow-up comments via email”… check “Notify me of follow-up comments via email”… check “Notify me of follow-up comments via email”…
I actually think this combo would be better pink and green. I’m going to laugh when the first person wrecks into their white picket fence because they’re blinded coming up Morris Street.
Brilliant post, Andra. So coyly enticing that one leaves . . . breathless for MORE.
And, somehow, I cannot make Miss May’s “Count Suckula” work with any story………
Oh come on! You haven’t really tried, have you? Stretch yourself … as a writer to wrap yourself around that title.
Oh, and here you go, because I know you squirming to find out more about this move, and its cast of over 30 characters! http://amzn.to/whGw2U
Stretch myself. Hmmmmmmmmmm…….
http://www.designsponge.com/2011/10/living-in-breakfast-at-tiffanys.html
Yes, I would DIE for that orange coat……
no need to die for it: http://www.kartanonrouva.net/couture/restiffanyscoat.shtml
Might as well die, cause I cannot make it. But, it’s nice to have the link. Maybe I can find somebody who can. Cool sites. Thanks.
My downstairs neighbor is a woman who is a maker of bridal gowns. (She studied tailoring in the Phillipines, her native country.) Should I ask her if she can make it?
Sure. You could ask her. Thank you!!
it also says who made it in there and some other details that could help you track it down!
Kenneth knows waaaaaay too much about colors and fashion. Way too much.
My mother had one very similar to that…in red.
Stop picking on him, Carnell. He’s given some very helpful links today. Cheryl, sometimes I wish our mothers would keep things. My mom had two sweaters from her twenties that I wore and wore and wore. She just tried to clean her wedding dress for me, and it fell apart.
Andra ~
You might be interested in this Audrey Hepburn letter:
http://blog.moviefone.com/2012/01/03/audrey-hepburn-breakfast-at-tiffanys-letter-henry-mancin/?ncid=webmail8
That is lovely, Nancy. Thank you so much for sharing it. A great reminder to let people know how we appreciate them.
We have a few of these brightly painted ladies in our area, too, and everyone makes quite a lot of fuss over them. I don’t care for the color shemes myself, BUT, at the same time the colors kind of make me happy! Like a child organized the effort. So I’m mixed, and when other people complain I usually don’t say a lot
Andra, this was a brilliant piece to go with your porn titles. “That” line may be from a movie, but you remembered it! Quite a line I must say! Debra
That line wasn’t in a movie. I made it up, but that movie did inspire the thought. His movies inspire a lot of weird thoughts.
We have quite a few fun colors in the neighborhood here, and I generally don’t mind them. The neon nature of this one is too much. But, hey, it’s two blocks away, so I don’t have to see it a lot.
Oh, you are clever
teetering along the sidewalk with those spandex metaphors, swinging green bling.
I think this is one of the cleverest pieces of writing I’ve read in a long time.
That is very kind of you, Kate. These have been really hard, but that was the point. I am still struggling with which one to select for tomorrow.
I adore your door.
I love possibility.
Thanks for a great read today.
I’m pretty pleased with this one. These have NOT been easy to write.
I had fun reading the comments… the tart is definitely trying to keep the haints away.
Wish she could repel the college students……
I’ve arrived from the rabbit hole of the internet, traipsing along from Earlybird to Kate Shrewsday to Elizabeth Yon until I tumbled down to your scrumptious door and her cheap impostor.
Oh, happy rabbit hole.
Cameron, thanks for reading and commenting. I have seen your face so many times, I feel like I know you. And, now I know your words, too. Happy me.