Deep Throat
Welcome to a week-long series of posts with the titles of classic porn films. Readers contributed titles in this post, and I am writing stories that somehow fit the title in an effort to stretch my ability to form creative connections. Could be hit or miss. We’ll see. Thanks for starting 2012 in my little sliver of the web.
She likes it more and more as she ages. Me? I’m having a harder time with it. Some things don’t perform like they once did, especially when called upon to do more. And more. AND MORE.
I’m at the age where things, um, let’s just say they aren’t as responsive as they once were. I never know when it’s going to happen, when the reeking stink of failure is going to show up in place of ‘all systems go.’ I can be in the game with her, everything firing, doing my jobbie-job-job……..then, NOTHING. And, nothing I do in the moment seems to get me back into the play-by-play.
Have YOU ever tried to will yourself to relax and be in the moment? Well, maybe all that zen stuff works for some people, but thinking about relaxing stresses me out. Mood music only serves as a flashing neon sign that shouts the word FAIL in all caps. A shot of bracing liquor stuns me into a stupor. She even tries wearing, um, outfits and, um, playing roles, but all that stuff is just weird noise. It does nothing for me.
My fault in this sorry situation is hard to swallow.
It’s maddening: for me, because I can’t help it; and for her, because she doesn’t believe I’m there for her anymore. It’s gotten to the point where we have to have a whole mood-deadening conversation about it before we even start. Oh yeah, I’m attentive to her needs. I listen. I even subject myself to a blip of a dry run just to show her I’m with her. I can’t help it if this excites her to the point that she often pours exponential fervor into the deed.
I don’t know how many times I have to tell her a herniated esophagus can only stand so much food at one time. She has to chew it well for me to move it to her stomach. And, geez, it would be FABULOUS if she didn’t like food quite so much.
The lovely Miss May contributed the iconic porn film Deep Throat. My poor hiatal herniated espophagus thanks her for giving me the ability to shine the light on its food-passing travails and tribulations. Now, if anyone can teach me to stop liking food altogether, my poor esophagus won’t be so overworked and unappreciated.
Looks like an instruction video is in order here for the poor mistreated body parts.
Sometimes, that doesn’t even work, Lou.
Have you ever tried watching that movie? I mean the original, real movie? It is horrible.
Oh, and this must say where my mind is… this all reminded me of trying to get a stubborn car to run. You talk to them, you relax, try not to be tense, turn the key… and they still don’t start.
Oh, and for the record, your links are hilarious! I followed one, then clicked, then clicked and came across this gem. “Bad Girls In The Movies”.
http://www.snagfilms.com/films/title/bad_girls_in_the_movies
They are pretty funny today. Thanks for adding to them.
worst feeling, for sure…all a darn car has to do is start!! dang lemons.
Never watched the movie. It doesn’t sound very, um, appetizing to me.
I hope you’re not talking about your baby……
Yes, it’s difficult to stay awake it’s so boring.
I didn’t plan on watching it anyway.
The relationship I have with computers….I have seen more blue screens of death than one girl should.
You should send all your computers to Carnell for guaranteed performance, of course, they might only let you go to certain…shall we say…”strange sites”, but, what the heck, at least they’ll be working.
He set mine up, and nothing is strange…..of course, I am too computer illiterate to really know for sure.
Oh my. I had the same problem until I got my Mac. (never should’ve typed that, she’s thinking now…….)
Of course you don’t have problems – its a Mac! Well, and I set it up. What could be better?
Mmmmmmm, food. I heartily concur.
Are you feeling better today, Lori?
I concur, just as heartily. Lunch…
Lunch today. Yay!
What fun! I, too, thought you were either speaking of cars or computers! Knowing you’d *not* be writing about *other things*! Egad!
You’re hitting on all cylinders this week Miss Andra!
BTW–my grandfather had a hiatus hernia. I remember he had to chew his food very well.
As that middle-aged middle weight creeps on, I’m having a harder time eating, which makes me wonder how I can still gain weight. Somehow, I manage.
I was going to say something like “You had me at Deep Throat” but it just made me feel like a whore
Brilliant post as usual!
Haha. I don’t think the pajama eater will help me, either, but it might be the solutions for someone else’s clutter problems.
http://torinelson.wordpress.com/2012/01/04/pajama-eaters-eat-pajamas-other-important-discoveries/
Ouch! As Michael Carnell says, the links are brilliant. One of them also shows that you have now shot to the top of WordPress Blogs mentioning herniated esophogases!
I have, unfortunately, flashed in my mind to the porn industry answer to your condition.
Two words.
Liquid diet.
{groan}
Yeah. Being at the top of the herniated esophagus page is REALLY going to help me…….
I’m sure a liquid diet would help me on several fronts, but my disposition would suffer.
There is only one question to the reference to a liquid diet – spit or swallow?
Miss May!! For shame……..
Brilliant!
This one felt a little less coy than I wanted it to turn out, but I pound them out and let them go.
Very good!
omigod! those costumes are just toooo much. How long did it take you to find that?!
I think Google has figured me out, Earlybird. They show me this stuff on the first page of a search now.
I’ve got a sore throat today.
I think you probably heard me laughing at this comment all the way over in England………
The link to the ACKY-Y costumes is priceless . . . although I’m no longer in the mood for pasta tonight.
Hope that you find a way to enjoy your food without aggravating your condition.
Nancy, I just enjoy my food. I try not to think about the rest of it. Glad you liked the link to the costumes. I laughed quite a bit myself.
Thank you for the ping today.
I think Miss May should start her own blog. She’s a pistol.
You are too kind! I would blush, but I don’t think anyone would see it through all the makeup.
You could just draw it on.
Total genius, Andra. These are getting better and better
I’m a little in awe!
I don’t know why I do this to myself. I always think these are such good ideas going into them……..I am glad you’re enjoying them, Kate. The challenge really is fun.
giggle – just giggle.
I’ll try giggling next time it happens.
You had me going on this one…I couldn’t begin to anticipate how you were going to wrap it up…but you did! Oh so clever. I hope you enjoy my post tonight which linked to your Yo-Yo Ma story. You’ll read how much I enjoy your storytelling! Debra
Debra, thanks for the story on your blog and the link to mine. It is always fun to find people who share our passions, and Yo-Yo Ma is certainly a worthy.