Gospel music is fueling my series this week. I grew up hearing it almost every day. Nothing else in my life is a greater touchstone of memory. In addition to gospel music, the titles have a hidden theme, and they lead to a climax on Saturday. Cootchie Hooch and a special mystery surcee (that’s Southern for ‘gift’) to the first reader who guesses the hidden theme. The winner will be revealed on Sunday. Today, a story I’m convinced I’ve told before. Humor me and laugh.
The Blue Valley. The name seems mythic, full of fairy-tale wonder. Designated a roadless wilderness by the Clinton Administration, it straddles the ragged falling landscape where Western North Carolina crashes into North Georgia. The mighty Chattooga River spawns and builds its tumbling fury through its sheer, eroded canyons. Banjos twang with Deliverance in the whispers of the wind. I have hiked almost every inch of its accessible reaches, smearing spongy soil and rhododendron scum into my skin and onto the face of my soul. It is one of the most haunted, peaceful, ‘other’ places on the circle of the earth.
The Three Forks Trail to the Falls on Overflow Creek is my favorite hike in the Blue Valley. Imagine a whole day lost in the wilderness, passing a poisonous viper or several tucked into the loamy soil. No human voices of greeting around the next bend in the trail. No cell phone signal. Leaves pitch and weave to the ground. Mist tinges the edge of everything. The heady smell of rot wells up from the dirt with every advancing step.
Heaven. Peace in the valley.
MTM and I often hiked to the base of Overflow Creek Falls to picnic. The falls sluiced off the rocks and rained into the perfect swimming hole. A flat boulder gouged into the creek bed like an artist placed it there specifically for viewing the falls. We spread our repast in the sun of that rock, and I would lie on my back and watch the slash of sky through the winking leaves while MTM fished.
Until the day our peaceful hideaway was disrupted by two strange men.
They came out at the top of the falls and looked over at us. Maybe they’ll leave, since we were here first. MTM is big on hiking etiquette. Whoever finds a spot first gets the spot.
These men did not subscribe to that school of hiking thought. They waved big, Forrest Gump-ish greetings. Like a bizarre nightmare, they stripped off every stitch of clothing. Diving from the top of the waterfall, they swam over to us, climbed out of the arctic water, and introduced themselves.
Buck. Naked.
Hi. I’m Lee. This is Rick. What’s your name?
Trying to look everywhere but THERE, I told them my name. (I am too Southern for my own good.) MTM didn’t talk, so I had to tell them his name, too. They kept standing there……dripping…..chatting like we were at a high-faluting ‘cock’tail party. MTM totally used the tried-and-true ‘if I don’t talk, eventually they will go away’ party tactic, leaving me to cling to my desperate attempt at pleasantries with the Naked Duo. Because it is engrained into the brain of every Southern person to be pleasant to people who are being pleasant.
Finally, they left.
Thank God they didn’t make me squeal like a pig.
Wow! naked cliff divers invading the picnic paradise. Definitely not an idyllic scene.
And here is a reenactment.
You put a naked video on my blog, Lou????? Really?????? An actual naked man????? I feel violated all over again.
That is priceless. It is a pity that some folks have shortcomings when it comes to etiquette.
http://youtu.be/2IIl3zSYL8k
Theme: Answers to the Versatile Blogger award?
SHORTcomings. Ahahaha!
Robert, that was hilarious. Two naked penises in a row are going to do me in.
I am going to give a giant clue to the theme in tomorrow’s post.
Beauty and farce. Wonderful.
Theme: mortifying moments?
(Although I had been hoping for Elvis. in the ’68 Comeback outfit…)
Elvis is an excellent guess, though the ’50s version is the swoon-worthy one for me as an adult. As a little girl, I only knew fat-jumpsuit Elvis of the 1970′s, and I couldn’t figure out what was so great about him.
Mortifying moments is also commendable, especially since I’ve outlined two in a row.
I have to say, I admire the MTM method of social interaction. Well done on being a good Southern girl, though, I guess.
I think I’m more stupid than Southern.
Hahaha – oh Lordy, that gave me a smile. Kind of reminds me of my t-shirt (“Hike Naked and put some color in your cheeks”). How brazen were these guys? Love the description of your hiking area, thanks for taking me along with you.
I saw these guys all the time after that. Thankfully, always clothed. We never did that hike again on a Sunday afternoon.
You saw them ‘all the time’? Good thing you were polite to them then!
Hope you do not have similar experiences in Jamaica. Um, unless you want them.
MTM is the strong silent type.
And we need to get you the t-shirt that says, “Paddle faster, I hear banjo music!”
OMGoodness Carnell – LOVE IT!
I think what they heard was gunshots, actually.
My favorite bumper sticker, Carnell. I see it all the time on cars up here in western NC.
Unlike yesterday, I am totally lost today… Now I have NO guess as to where you’re going with this series, but I’m loving all the visuals as we travel toward it, particularly: “a poisonous viper or several tucked into the loamy soil. No human voices of greeting around the next bend in the trail. No cell phone signal. Leaves pitch and weave to the ground. Mist tinges the edge of everything. The heady smell of rot wells up from the dirt with every advancing step.”
Do have to say, however, that I’m only “part Southern” and a lot middle American, no-nonsense Mom, who would have subscribed to neither the silent treatment, nor the polite where these two idiots were concerned. My irritation would have manifested: “Stop acting like children and more like gentlemen! Put your britches on and then we’ll have a visit.” Thoughts of Deliverance probably would never have crossed my mind until AFTER the fact!
You hear the random stories of crazy people in the woods who kill people, Karen. One of them had a knife. (They were going fishing, but that wasn’t immediately apparent.) So, I was also thinking if they were insane naked serial killers, being nice to them instead of scared might help me.
Again, in hindsight, all I can say is “Stupid Andra! Stupid!”
A knife? Aha, a different matter altogether then; but now I’m trying to picture where one carries such a weapon while in a state of total undress?
Reading further comments, added since I was here yesterday, has certainly been additional first class entertainment!
Since they weren’t observing the “rules” of polite social intercourse, then you should not have had to put up with their grin and “bare it” attitude.
That you did means that you were far politer than I think I would have been. I think I would have tossed the picnic cloth in their direction and in my sweetest Southernese said, “Y’all, cover up…it’s chilly here today.”
Unless signs are posted declaring a nude beach, their behavior was just too much.
But it makes the best story this way. The things we must endure to get good stories.
I have always ALWAYS longed to be the Olympia Dukakis character in Steel Magnolias, one of those awesome women who can smile and say something horrible but it sounds so sweet and she looks so nice that nobody says anything. I, on the other hand, am too blunt for my own good. Always have been. I would be Shirley MacLaine in that movie, which is fun in its own way, but you have to be older to get away with it, and I’m not there yet. Sometimes, I don’t feel like I fit here. It has always been so.
So, was the water cold? *snort*
Have you ever read “Confessions of a Failed Southern Lady”? It’s kind of ‘Ellen meets Idgie Threadgood.’
Your cute little “snort” made me giggle. Teehee.
That would be me. A Failed Southern Lady. I will have to look for that one, because I know I shall relate.
Crying in the Chapel and There Will Be Peace in the Valley are both songs that have been sung by Elvis, so I’m sticking with my original guess.
http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&sqi=2&ved=0CCwQtwIwAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3Db98YFK5Oubo&ei=S70eT8yxOuXz0gGNyo0G&usg=AFQjCNFMVnZ_2QjxZ_6w8hSSqc1ZjjAKGA&sig2=knX4Zb5NPC-kljUniv-NmQ
http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=2&sqi=2&ved=0CDMQtwIwAQ&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DM8MUbARRGSU&ei=Yb0eT9ejFaXl0QHJ540G&usg=AFQjCNEmXwlY5xhcdLtp9R0Yym03mzSCaA&sig2=pWy6zLZicepaboHszVb9xQ
Elvis is warm, Andrea. I am going to give a big hint in tomorrow’s post.
I’m rubbish at guesses, so I’m just going to enjoy the ride. I love this: “it is engrained into the brain of every Southern person to be pleasant to people who are being pleasant.”
Despite my diehard Yankee-ness, I too was brought up to be pleasant to people who are being pleasant, and I am married to an “if I don’t talk, eventually they will go away” believer… so I can see myself being in that very situation.
And that wilderness? I would brave awkward encounters with naked strangers to see such a place.
People the world over have good breeding and manners. As much as I don’t like generalizations (like ‘all Southern people like a good killing,’ one I had a tantrum about when I saw it on someone’s Facebook wall a while back), I sometimes use them myself. Though, I do love that line, too.
If you are where I think you are, Cameron, you are close to some pretty awesome wilderness yourself. I love hiking in New England.
Nude waterfall divers!!! Oh wow. I cannot even imagine. My guess so far is pristine places disrupted by unpleasantness. Since I don’t think there were reptiles mentioned in the last one to make this a continuation of the Lizard in the Loo small vertibrate peeping tom series.
Your guess, in a weird way, might be the closest to the truth yet. I will know more in a couple of days.
These nude types are everywhere. Loved it.
Characters. They’re EVERYWHERE. Every time I bump into one, it’s a gift.
OK, I didn’t take a theme guess this am as I was too stunned by the nekkid dudes.
Anyhoooo, probably some weird Garden of Eden Snake deal with Queen A as the damsel victim and Shadow Ninja the apple grabber.
Then you are cast out of the Garden only to find a little chapel in a valley to cry your eyes out as you renew your vows nekkid.
Lou, I might accidentally flash people, but I do NOT get nekkid.
OMG! Perhaps a backwoods form of polygamous courtship ritual? Just wandering nudists? I’m afraid my fingernail-scratch-thin veneer of politesse would have had me inquiring, “Do you guys know your willies are hanging out in the mixed-company breeze?” Or perhaps just, “WTF?!”
Following these conversations for a bit gives loads of writing fodder. Usually. Once I realized the knife was for fishing, and one of them wandered off to try his luck catching his dinner, I was fine. We talked mainly about different kinds of fertilizer, which, on some level, makes the story even funnier.
$10 says that if this would have happened in my area.. the nude divers would be in their late 80′s. So, count your blessings when and where you can.
Haha. Somehow, that would’ve made the experience even more priceless.
Laughing out loud and I could feel your peace and serenity, right up to where the naked duo pounced on your picnic. Ran is right about the 80 year olds. I don’t know about her, but I can’t go to Hippie Hollow because of my Southern sensibilities and naked 80 year olds. (hibbie jibbies)
I guess the older we get, the less we care. ? Geez, I hope that doesn’t happen to me.
You made us both roar with laughter today, Andra. Southern? Try being British. Freudian slips are our thing.
What a pair. And in such an idyllic place….
Having a British person there would have been priceless. I love all my British friends and want to hang around them as much as possible in the desperate hope their wit will rub off on me.
They had all their teeth, unlike the referenced movie.
The first time I have ever seen or heard anyone use the word “surcee” besides my husband. It was new to me (even though I grew up in the south) when we married 36+ years ago, but I’ve received a lot of surcees and given a few since then. Nice to learn that he didn’t make it up!
Looking forward to more “peace in the valley for you. . . .and me!”
Paula, my best friend from childhood’s grandmother always called everything a surcee. She is one of the most delightful ladies I’ve ever met. The last time I saw her, I told her I wanted to be Granny when I grew up. So, using that word is my small homage to her.
Whoops! I should have said “piece” in the valley. . . .oh well – too late!
Horrors at the thought of piece in the valley. Ickickick.
Wow. I’m just not sure I could have handled any part of a conversation with two naked strange (on more than one level “strange”) men in front of me. You are to be admired because you certainly behaved more mannerly than I could have.
But, it will make such a funny scene in a book someday. The things I endure for my writing.
Oh your poor eyes. Cocktail parties just took on a whole new horrible meaning
Especially since both the cock and the tail were on proud display……
I can tell by this story we come from different localities. I’d have been terrified. I would have anticipated headlines, unfortunately! I definitely like MTMs rules of the open, though. You do have some unusual people stories! I’m still thinking about the theme! Debra
I am glad it all turned out well, Debra. My mother tried to give me a taser after this happened, but I would probably just stun-gun myself in the heat of the moment.
Shrunken acorns – right there in front of you? Eww, not pretty when you’re surprised like that. MLB would have been just like you: She’s from Alabama and would have been pleasant – albeit shocked. Were any of their names Johnson, by chance? hehehe
It wasn’t a pretty sight. And, no, none of their names were Johnson. Tee-hee.
Hmmm… Are you going to Memphis? Maybe even visit Graceland?
Excellent guess, Carnell. We shall see.
Andra, there’s always a right time and a place and a wrong time and a place… unfortunately, these times and places overlap, and some folk find their right time to be the wrong time for someone else’s right time, and these embarrassing situations occur. Funny story though!
Your explanation is hysterical, Tom.
Oh, my . . . what big *&(# you have!
Haha!
Hahaha!
Isn’t that so……..I don’t know what……….
[...] Lou Mello was the first reader to guess the theme. He had a slight advantage, because he was one of only four people who knew what we were doing in Vegas. I think he guessed the theme as a joke, not really sure where the week was headed. A deck of fabulous Las Vegas themed playing cards and a pair of loaded dice are en route to Lou. [...]