No. 9 Tinkle: The Necessary at North Dome
Yosemite National Park. Aliens in the hinterlands of outer space have probably heard of its glories. Half Dome. El Capitan. Bridal Veil Fall. The wonders of exploring the gash of valley nestled between sheer walls of rock.
Few people discover North Dome, one of Yosemite’s must-do hikes. When we barreled into the lot, two other vehicles were scattered in front of the rustic outhouse at the trail head. I skipped onto the trail, a gentle descent followed by a gradual, easy climb that meandered all the way to the edge of North Dome. The earth fell away, and Half Dome rose into the clouds, almost close enough to reach with a spit bomb.
Before we reached the top of North Dome, my stomach was complaining. MTM detoured off the trail and hacked our way to the top of a ridge overlooking Mount Watkins, a place he thought fitting for our repast. Brie and manchego. A few slices of fennel salami for me. Garlicky olive tapenade. Exquisite sweet pickles. Fancy potato chips sprinkled with sea salt and black pepper. Squares of luscious dark chocolate. And, of course, plenty of wine to go with our hydrating water. We watched the birds circle in the lapis hued sky and got tipsy, before shambling onto the smooth orb of North Dome in a level fifteen minutes.
On the way in, we encountered four whole souls. Apparently, that was too crowded for dear MTM. Let’s take this trail down the side of North Dome and see where it goes. The man should never doubt that I would follow him anywhere when I pounded down the almost vertical steep rocky steps behind him.
Halfway down, I couldn’t feel my big toes, and my bladder was screeching.
Are you SURE we should go back this way?
Andra, it’s just a different way to the car.
I bit my tongue, squeezed my legs together and pressed on. We finally stopped our blistering descent into hell along the edge of a burbling creek. A crude wooden sign pointed the way to the parking lot. I didn’t laugh when I noticed that it was angled almost straight up. My God, MTM. We’re going to have to CLIMB out of here. And, I can’t walk any more because I REALLY HAVE TO PEE.
MTM shrugged. Just go right here. There’s nobody on this trail.
No. NONONONONO. My tender lady bits are NOT coming out in broad daylight on a public trail for me to spray my scent and summon bears to come and gnaw on me. Uh-uh. No way. I’ll hold it.
Fine. MTM rolled his eyes and charged uphill, with me waddling behind him.
Several hours later, I was doubled over in tears. We were still climbing as the chill of dusk settled over the forest. Just as I reached the Pit of Despair, I glimpsed a crude roofline through the trees. The outhouse!! I shrieked and started running in a bow-legged, I-may-not-make-it kind of way. I had never been so happy to sit on a stinking hole in the ground and unleash a record-setting tinkle flow. It was the last time I refused to go outside.
This post is part of the series My Top 10 Tinkles. If this is your first visit to my urinary extravaganza, please click here to start the series at the beginning. Thank you for reading my blog, for sharing it, and for spending time here.