No. 4 Tinkle: The Toilet of a Delta Plane
If hell consists of reliving one’s most unpleasant memory for all eternity, then mine would be spent in an unending loop on an overseas flight that never lands. Everyone around me would succumb to the soporific effect of the recycled air, the bad box wine and dull lighting, while I would be awake for all time. Watching them snore. Grossing out at the drool. Aching from uncomfortable positions.
Always, this is my story on overseas flights. MTM sleeps. I fidget and sigh and curse and wiggle. My extremities are capable of sleep, but the pinpricks in my foot, my hand, my entire side jar me from a doze.
On a Thanksgiving flight to Stuttgart, Germany, I was determined to break the cycle of miserable sleeplessness that became my seat mate on every plane. A friend loaned me some bootleg Ambien, a prescription sleeping aid, and I was determined to down two glasses of box-o-wine and take the whole pill. If that combination didn’t knock me out on the flight, nothing would.
Beams of sunlight burst through my window and nudged me awake. I was in the same position I remembered settling into hours before, my head resting on the side wall of the plane, my pillow still cradling it. With a sigh and a lazy stretch of my arms overhead, I eyed the approaching breakfast cart with ravenous abandon.
Just as the wheels screeched on the tarmac, my stomach grumbled. Maybe I just ate too fast I thought to myself as a cold sweat broke out all over my body and the first twinge of nausea turned my esophagus sideways. Leaning into MTM’s steady arm, I tried to smile, but instead I gave him a witchy grimace. As the plane taxied into the gate, I said, “LetmeoutletmeoutLETMEOUT!!!”
Half the population of the plane was crammed into aisle, but nobody was moving. Tapping people and motioning with one hand while I kept the other one firmly clamped to my trap didn’t convey the necessary urgency. Pleasepleaseplease open the door AND DON’T LET ME HURL ON THE PERSON NEXT TO ME. The seal broke on the door of the plane just as I could no longer hold it. Pushing through bodies, I didn’t get the restroom closed before I was sick, but I didn’t care. It was right where I needed it to be.
And, I would never see any of those people again.
This post is part of the series My Top 10 Tinkles. If this is your first visit to this urinary extravaganza, please click here to start the series at the beginning. Thank you for reading my blog, for sharing it, and for spending time here.