The Horrors of Nursing
MTM has been a little under the weather the past couple of days. Nothing serious. And, he’s a good patient. Almost chipper. Never makes ridiculous, needy requests. Doesn’t moan and act pathetic, wallowing in his favorite chair like his world has ended. He actually smiles when I walk into the room.
What’s weird about his behavior is this: I don’t understand why he isn’t taking the opportunity to slam me with a big, honking dose of payback. For almost half of this year, I struggled with a nagging health issue, nagging being the operative word. I cried. I flung myself into bed, shouted for hot tea and sobbed for popcorn with butter. I adjusted the thermostat like it was a yo-yo. I stank. Really. Pew!
Most of all, I complained about my issue at every conceivable opportunity.
MTM: Did you hear the score of the Brewer game?
Me: No. I can’t HEAR. Because I’m STILL BLEEDING.
MTM: What should I sell next on Ebay?
Me: My uterus. Just rip it out and get it as far away from me as you possibly can.
MTM: I think I’m going to make risotto for dinner.
Me: Can you make popcorn? With melted butter? And can you rub some sticks of butter on the popped kernels and throw globs of it in the bowl with a whole container of salt? And bring it up to me in bed?
I am a shrew.
In the last two days, the most taxing thing MTM asked of me, his official nurse, was to pick up some bacon on my way home. Bacon. Who could POSSIBLY deny such a delightful request? The man is a Shining Beacon of Manly Perfection even when he feels peaked.
Still.
I want him to feel better soon.
Because I am tired of the horrors of nursing.
Because I love him to pieces.
You can have both instincts…nursing isn’t for you AND you want MTM to feel better! Poor guy! I don’t want to ask any personal questions about illness, but I must say that bacon seems a very odd request for someone not feeling well! LOL! He must be getting better. And since you are such a miserable patient, I think you’d better just plan on staying healthy and not having any more illness. It isn’t a good thing on you!
D
Debra, my plan is to stay healthy until the day I fall over and die.
Fate may have other ideas. 
He’s up and about today. Moving slow.
Poor MTM, being treated by Nurse Shrew.
http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120116204519/americanmcgeesalice/images/c/c8/NurseCratchet.png
Oh my. The resemblance is horrifying.
Ahhh, but there are worse . . . http://www.best-horror-movies.com/image-files/misery-nursemaid.jpg
Feel better soon, MTM!
I searched for Nurse Cratchet videos and they were all X rated, unbelievable.
And, HOW do you know THAT, Lou?
That is one scary movie.
Ah, but your nagging health issue comes with a lot of hormonal imbalance. And when something like that ‘nags’, it has usually done so for a LOT of years. When I had my hysterectomy, it was the best thing I had ever done for myself. I couldn’t believe how much BETTER I felt after all that crap was GONE.
Jessie, I am one walking, talking hormonal imbalance. Always have been. I don’t know how anyone puts up with me.
Hope he feels better soon! Love the artistic shot of the sick man, too.
My last two boyfriends both had stronger immune systems than I did, so they invariably would catch something, have a mild case to it, and pass it to me, at which point I’d be the one who was laid out for three weeks/had blood vessels break in my eye/had to go to the ER at 3 am on Sunday. I always felt like my bitching more at that point was pretty fair.
He’s already up and around today. Moving slowly, but moving.
Your constitution sounds like mine. I am always far more woebegone than MTM. Blood vessels breaking in the eye? OUCH!
I frightened small children for the better part of two weeks. Whereas my SO of the time had mildly itchy eyes for about four days.
The reason MTM loves you so much is because you are freaking hilarious.
ps- I’m also a big fan of pickled shrimp. I’ve been eating it all summer. Pretend I included this comment in the post about pickled shrimp.
Maybe that makes up for all my drama.
We were going to make three pounds of it today with fresh from the Farmers Market ones. Blam! No shrimp vendor today………
I know exactly why he is being so good, other than pain killers.
First reason is so that he can lord it over you later. He will then forever be able to compare his good behavior to your poor behavior. Thereby scoring huge man point. If he _doesn’t_ lord it over you, he scores even higher husband points – to be redeemed later on the poor behavior or poorly thought out purchases of his choice.
Second reason is that if he acts poorly you will write about it for al the world to see. This will lose him man points, husband points, and all other points of undetermined types. Not worth the risk.
And don’t forget, he is from up North where it snows and freezes. He is used to senseless suffering.
He never took pain killers, Carnell. And, thank God, he did not follow your ill-advised route of drinking tequila with pain killers. I still can’t believe you did that and lived to tell the tale.
You danged amateurs!
I hope that MTM gets to feeling better soon. Hmmmmm bacon…… He must be getting better if he wants bacon.
He ALWAYS wants bacon.
Popcorn with melted butter is the best.
Somehow, it makes everything OK.
It does. It is the cure for everything.
Here’s to hoping MTM continues to feel better and better, that the bacon is crisp, and that popcorn with butter and salt is always all the medicine you ever need.
MTM got out tonight, Penny, so things are looking up.
Thank you.
Poor MTM, suffering in silence and making you feel guilty for suffering in something less than silence. Hope all is well soon so that both of you feel better, be it physically or psychologically!
We’re almost through it. A saga that started in December. We’ll both be glad to put it behind us.
Thanks for the well wishes.
“The man is a Shining Beacon of Manly Perfection even when he feels peaked.”
…didn’t you mean ‘bacon’…. (sorry, the bacon thing stuck with me) You best be careful, MTM will payback with that photo! He may sneak on the blog with one right back at ya when you’re at your finest
(hope he is on the mend!) ~
He’s doing better and better. Thanks, Angela.
Ha, our roles are reversed…I’m a great patient (just leave me alone), Michael? Yeah, not so much… He continually tells me that since he doesn’t get sick very often – he gets “sicker than everyone” when he does become ill. I’m a horrible nurse since my first inclination is to leave the “sickie” alone…and when I say alone, I mean in a different city.