Every Tear Is a Waterfall
February. A Wednesday. We found a waterfall, a swirling cataract that fell more than fifty foaming feet into an abyss. Yawning jaws of jagged rock on either side. I stood at the top, mesmerized by the whirlpools. The applause of the falling water called to me.
Here. You can die here. If you merge with me.
I found a canoe, that temperamental floater, prone to capsize at its slightest whim, and I pointed it downstream. Into the draining flow. Before I knew it, I was one with the river, bouncing along the ancient riverbed, hurling myself to my watery end. Sucked into the physics and hydraulics of moving water.
At the ragged edge of the drop, I flung my oar into nothing, the thrill of success. I held my arms open, welcoming the embrace of speed that accompanied my plunge. Maybe I tumbled end over end. I fluttered. And flew. Shot from the end of a cannon, I knew the joy of crashing into the unseen. I hit the froth of liquid with a smile on my face and forgot myself in the lurching whorl of death.
Until I awoke. Sun baking skin. Coughing water. Canoe smashed. My body vomited onto the rocks. Still alive. Staring at the irregular sliver of sky. The Almighty laughed at me from on high.
This post is part of the series Death Becomes Me. It is a series of fiction. If this is your first visit to the series, please click here to read the first installment, go here for the second, go here for the third and click here for the fourth.
It’s difficult for me, Andra, as I’m so unfascinated by death. I just know it’s part of the order of things. Very emotive writing but, as they say, “I don’t know where you’re coming from”:)
I’m almost done working on this character in public, Roger. I’m getting a handle on where he’s coming from, or where he’s been, which is what I needed.
Dang – and it would have been such a fucking beautiful way to die.
Even I can’t believe he survived this one.
It does sound pretty magnificent. I liked the “applause of the falling water,” btw.
I think that’s a little too descriptive for the voice of this character, but I very much like that line, too. Thank you.
“If it wasn’t for bad luck, I wouldn’t have no luck at all,”
I think this character would like Hee Haw, Robert. That song does sum him up well.
I think this one should be entered into the annals of the Tropes: the giddy rush over the waterfall only kills you if you’re sure you can survive it.
I love that you managed to capture that free moment before the plummet, and the tossing the paddle was wonderful.
Good point. Very good point.
I have been trying to work on my ‘sudden happenings’ in writing. Apparently, they were too sudden before.
I could feel the spray of the water on my face…good one Andra.
Thank you, Lori. I sort of did, too, when I wrote it.
It’s a good thing you’re writing this little series, and not me. I’d have a horrible time getting into this mindset. I’ve often said that I’m not afraid to die, but I’m not READY to die yet, either — too many things to do, placed to go, people to meet — cannot imagine anyone being so determined to throw away something as precious as life, even with all its trials, tribulations and frustrations, simply to find out about the mechanics of death!
Aside from that, this series has certainly presented strong audios and visuals for me — roaring grizzly, roaring weaponry, roaring water…..
In exploring all the times he could’ve died, I may be shortchanging the character. But, his morbid obsession is lifelong. Like all of us, Death will find him eventually, if he doesn’t find Death first.
Majesty, power, might. All in one brief blog post. What a powerful character this is!
You think he’s powerful? Perhaps. I do love this character. Always have. Even though he’s very hard to know.
Powerful in personality.
Back home with a few snippets of time to do some catching up on blogs, Andra, and here you are with another provocative series. I’ve just spent some time with your latest character and his obsession with death. I love you imagery, Andra, especially in this post.
The waterfall/cataract image is perfect. Having just last year had two such swirling waterfalls removed from my own eyes, it describes the aura much better to me than a halo. Hmm. Hadn’t thought about that until just now.
I’m glad you like this series, Penny. It isn’t always easy to find a character’s voice or to suss out why they do what they do. I’m still not sure I’ve got this one down, but it is fun to see different reactions to him as I go.
I’m glad people are patient, as this can’t be an easy series to read.
Today as I read this particular episode in this poor guy’s attempt to achieve death, it occurs to me how truly weak our grasp of control can be! Some people yearn to live and lose their lives despite their best efforts, and others cheat death even when living lives of reckless irresponsibility, lifting middle finger to the universe. Once again proving that life is not fair! Debra
Part of this, for me, is the exploration of why a person would want to take his own life. I know so little about it. It seems to me that many of these instances are not driven to succeed as much as they are cries for help or attention that he may never get. Don’t get me wrong. I think many people who set out to commit suicide actually do it, and I think some who try it to make a point unfortunately end up dead, too.
Because this is a journal, these are his private thoughts. I don’t know whether any of those around him may’ve known how much of his time was occupied with thinking about death. He’s a quiet person, a loner, in a position to maintain a sense of detachment from others if he chooses. It’s just as likely that the people watching him pull this stunt admired him for surviving, and a few probably even tried it themselves. I leave all that out here to delve into his mind, his voice, his motivations. I hope it will help me go off the blog and make something better.
Thanks for your insights, Debra. They’re always helpful to me and make me think deeper.
Torn between relief he made it and disappointment for him, Andra. This is once which produces inner conflicts. I think.
I’m glad he lived to die another day.
For some reason your line “… body vomited onto the rocks” reminds me of “to the last I grapple with thee; from hell’s heart I stab at thee; for hate’s sake I spit my last breath at thee.”
You character seems to be in a duel with death. Not sure who is winning though.
“What does it profit you … Not to have known why the dead weep?”
All good quotes. I may use them someday.
His failure to reach “the final frontier” is almost comical . . . even the Almighty is laughing.
Personified God, or no, I love that last line!
It is rather comical at this point how he can’t seem to finish.