The Shots Heard Round the World
October. A Thursday. The gun misfired. First time I shot it. Shaved off part of my head. Angle was wrong, though.
I’ll back up. Not thinking too clear.
Sometimes, life hands us a bum deck of cards. Enemies who feed on their desire to destroy. People who believe them. The weight of it is a powerful load to carry. Every day. Through sleepless nights. The haze of drink and the ghouls of memory.
Wore me out.
I thought I could make it to the end of this particular journey. Finish it. But, I’m not even half way, and I’m done. Pulled that trigger but flinched at the last minute. Shot went wide instead of plowing through the center of my head.
I stayed that way for hours. Until I rolled over on my weapon. Forced my finger through the cool steel of the trigger. I heard the first part of the discharge, and then……..nothing. The world blurred and melted away. Perfect peace.
I know I stopped breathing. I am sure I’m dead. Can even see the hole they dug for me.
So, why am I still here? Writing in this confounded journal. Wandering the earth. Whole.
Hell for a suicide is being stuck in a place where I can never die.
This post is part of the series Death Becomes Me. It is a series of fiction. If this is your first visit to the series, please click here to read the first installment, go here for the second, go here for the third, click here for the fourth, go here for the fifth, click here for the sixth, go here for the seventh and click here for the eighth.
Taking lines of cocaine, like the one in your picture, won’t help your aim:)
You would like this, Roger. It is a salt labyrinth by the Japanese artist Motoi Yamamoto.
Ahhhhhh. Not an end I want to live/die out…so I guess I’ll stay and muddle through this life and make it the best I can and be the best that I can be…yes, I’ll have the dark thoughts but the fear of this type of an end will/would keep me here.
This end is never a way out. There is always a way through. xo
If he can never die . . . maybe he’s a vampire?! Vampires sell books . . . just ask Bella.
He is definitely not a vampire. Definitely not.
Oh nO. That is an awesome way to end it, so we aren’t sure if he’s a ghost or has foiled himself yet again in his attempts to die. Poor guy. I kind of hope he failed again.
You’ll see him again. Someday. If that helps you decide what happened.
That is a FANTASTIC picture. So cool.
I think this is my favorite of this series but I’m having trouble putting my finger on why.
Wonderful, simply wonderful.
Morbidly awesome. I loved that one today.
Each of these posts brings a new angle, a new facet to his compulsion, Andra. Every one makes me think again.
This is the end of the series. On this character, at least. I’m going to give everyone a break in the coming days.
I loved everything about this short story from start to finish! I wanted to keep reading!
Thanks, Darcie. It was an interesting journey for me.
What an interesting picture you picked to accompany this, Andra.
The Japanese artist Motoi Yamamoto. I’ve written about him on the blog before, but here is a link to his work. If he ever does an installation in Chicago, it would be worth a visit.
http://www.motoi.biz/english/e_top/e_top.html
This series reminds me of the song DOA, by Bloodrock (1971). Alas, this is probably before your time, but I remember this song so well. It was very peculiar and dark for that time. Well, I guess it kind of went with the LSD of the day, though.
Oh, and it is very morbid.
I have gotten a number of male compliments for this post today, but I think the comparison to tripping on LSD is supreme. Thank you.
“Hell for a suicide …” Now there is a title if I ever heard one. Spent the evening listening to some fantastic story-tellers, including Neil Gaiman, weave some fantastic yarns at The Charleston Music Hall. Thought if you and your characters and your stories many times. You would have fit right in.
And I put the book you told me about on hold at the library. Looking forward to the story and the history.
Riveting character.
Looking forward to hearing what you think of it.
Well, with the lack of speed at which I read, you will have to wait a while!
Ha!
I’m sorry to read that you are putting this intriguing character away for a bit…at least for us. I find him very interesting, Andra. I didn’t recall until this reading the time I forced a friend to give me all her pills. She was at such a low depth and although she didn’t openly speak of suicide, it was clear to me she had given up on life. I worried about an impulsive act. Ten years later it’s a different story, and I guess I hope that for this character, although I see no evidence of him behaving impulsively. He’s studious! I think we only know a sliver of his story, if at all, and I’d enjoy knowing more. Debra
You will know more someday, Debra. I promise. He’s one of the main characters in the novel I am currently working on.
I am very happy to hear that you helped save the life of a friend. We never know in those moments what impact our actions will have, but yours may have been the ones that saved her.
I am glad you commented. The Japanese salt sculptor of the photo has a show in LA right now. http://www.motoi.biz/english/e_top/e_top.html I hope you will go and tell me all about it. I love his work. To be able to get to see a whole show would be such a treat.