Don’t Mess With the Dress
For most of the summer, MTM and I have been on a starvation diet journey to a new lifestyle. Dr Pierre Dukan has become our beacon for whatever goes in our gaping, deprived traps. As a result of our tortuous journey dedication, we are each down more than twenty pounds.
I can’t remember when I was so hungry skinny.
Back in June, I made a decision, to give me something to look forward to at the end of all this. When I reached my target weight, I thought it would be great to reward myself with an obscenely expensive piece of clothing. Something so pricey that it would be impossible to fatten up again. I wanted it to burn laser beams of guilt from the bowels of my closet to wherever I sat, sneaking a lone french fry.
Armed with the shopping wonder of the internet, I set out to compile my possibilities. More motivation, you know, imagining myself swathed in one of the preposterous, probably-polyester-or-rayon creations that some starlet might’ve worn on the red carpet.
My Pinterest board “I Would So Wear It” became my wish list, my happy place to save all of my to-die-for items. Only, I deplore shopping. It’s REALLY boring. If I don’t see something in five seconds that catches my attention, I’m ready to move on. And, the very first thing to catch my attention was this:
Yes-yes. A pair of beyond-my-budget footwear. Because, I am a whore for shoes. A. Whore. It has my initials and everything.
Only, my feet have not changed size or shape. I could probably gain back the weight and then some, and these shoes would still fit. Meaning I could spend the money, eat french fries without guilt, and wear an amazing pair of *uck-me shoes. Nobody would want to *uck me. Cottage cheese thighs and stomach are not attractive looks.
But still.
The SHOES!!!
*Sigh*
I know shoes were not part of the deal I made with myself. So. In the coming days, I am going to pen a series on the various looks I considered. Maybe you can help me make the right choice, because well, THIS isn’t a good look, either.
Why are the boobs the first thing to go???? Why? WHY????
Trackbacks & Pingbacks
- What to Wear to the Zombie Apocalypse « The Accidental Cootchie Mama
- Origami Mommy « The Accidental Cootchie Mama
- Shopping My Closet « The Accidental Cootchie Mama
- What Came After I Screamed « The Accidental Cootchie Mama
- Seeing Red « The Accidental Cootchie Mama
- The Backside of My Backside « The Accidental Cootchie Mama
As a young fashion photographer in London during the 70′s and 80′s I met a lot of beautiful thin women and married one of them. In the late 80′s I changed hats and became a food photographer where I met much funnier and more interesting people who seemed to have more interests than just that of being perfectly formed. We’re all going to change with time, but as long as the brain stays firm the rest can go hang:)
I used to be one of those very thin people. I like food too much to ever be that thin again.
Your blog doesn’t help, Roger.
Congratulations to both of you on actually succeeding with your diet. Now in celebration, why don’t you stroll over to the Tattooed Moose in your Jimmy Choo’s and have the Lucky #1 Pork Belly Sub with their kickin’ fries and put a little meat back on your bones. (And btw, not all men want women with big boobs.)
I ate French fries yesterday at Lana. First time I’ve had them since June. Tattooed Moose has some good ones, too. You are right.
Strong is the new skinny…..that’s my motto. Careful with that starvation stuff – it never works for the long term. Hope you were kidding about that! Congrats on the weight loss. I think you look great and can see the loss, although I must day you never struck me as overweight. Enjoy that splurge on some killer threads when you’re ready!
There’s a difference between eating as much as you want of what you do not want and not eating at all. We’ve been doing the former. It has changed my palate to the point that I will be able to do it for life.
Gotta be the shoes, man.
Good one. Still can’t swing the shoes.
Why AREN’T the boobs the first thing to go?? I’ve lost fifteen pounds, and I’m still just as big. By the end, I’ll have gained two cup sizes if history is any indicator. I lost fifty pounds and went down from 200 to 150 when I got married. And I went from an F to an H. I . would. so. share. my boobs.
I wish we could share bits of things like that.
How is your diet going now?
You and MTM could get matching tattoos! Ok, so I am not sure how that goes with not gaining back weight, but it would be cool.
I admire your dedication to your diet. Not as much as I admire your dedication to your writing, but still, it is admirable. More admirable on the BBQ days than the veggie days though.
No tattoos. No.
It is nice to not jiggle when I walk.
Twenty pounds: quite an achievement.
I wonder if you end up with something bright red? (just a hunch)
We shall see, Kate. I may just spend the money on a trip.
those Jimmy Choos are THE SEX.
Kenneth… you…. just… wrong.
???
Wow. Now, that’s a reaction.
true story
Awesome shoes. I’d get those over a dress everytime.
I do not have a shoe slot at the moment. Or the money.
Like Jesterqueen I have lost weight from everywhere else. Back measurement has shrunk, cup size heads on up the alphabet. It’s as well that I am chunky of thigh otherwise I’d topple over…
Oh, Fiona. I know I should be happy I lost anything. And, I am. It is too bad there’s not some lever we can use to redistribute our stuff.
Lots of luck, Andra. While my health insurance doesn’t cover accidents in shoes like those, go for them if that’s what you want. You earned it.
Having just removed a pair of shoes like those, Penny, I don’t think I need any more……….
Oh I can’t wait for this one! And I wonder, too. What is that about breasts going first! And I wore really cute heels to a jazz event at LACMA last night. I’ll probably be sharing a little bit about it before Monday, but I won’t be sharing how I tripped on the sidewalk and landed splat! I really am too old for the shoes, but since no bones were broken, I’ll live to walk in them at least another day! Good for you and the diet…you deserve anything you want!
D
Oh, Debra. I am so sorry to hear you fell. It is a relief to know I’m not alone in the heels department. I have several sky high pairs, and I can’t walk in any of them very well, particularly on our downtown Charleston sidewalks. They’re made of blue stone, a constant tripping hazard. I hope you enjoyed the jazz.
Go you! Glad that your efforts have paid off with shrinking waistlines for both of you!
I really can’t believe it worked, Nancy. But, I’ll take it, and keep at it.
Congrats on your disciplined eating. That’s pretty much what everything comes down to, isn’t it? We become better writers, spouses, eaters, friends, etc. through being disciplined in “working” at it.
I’m down from 207 to 177, but could be down another seven or eight lbs if I didn’t eat bread on burgers, the occasional fries, and the ubiquitous frozen yogurt (those darn shops are everywhere down here). But I don’t get carried away, because I know it’s gonna come back around the waist right away. Cereal has always been my downfall, so I avoid that completely.
Wow. Congrats on your loss. French fries are my biggest weakness, too. I LOVE THEM. I would have their babies if I could.
Well done to both of you on your weight loss!
I’m still thinking about starting to lose weight. Again.
Dukan works, Tom. I am delighted with it.
Congrats, Andra, though I’m certain you are lovely no matter the number. We ordered the book at the library during the Kate hoopla– it is rumored that is what she followed before the royal wedding (not that she had a problem anyway (rolling eyes)
Our results have been so great that several of my friends have talked about trying it, and my stylist is on it right now. It is a rest-of-the-life eating plan, though. If we ever stop doing it, we’ll gain all the weight back.
I LOVE those shoes. They are similar to a pair I begged my Mom for when I was in high school, and yes, my Mom being a shoe freak she purchased them. At the time (in the late 70′s) they cost almost $100 (A LOT of money back then). My Mom purchased them wtih the idea that she, my sister Diana and I would be able to wear them…they stayed in my closet. OMGoodness I loved those shoes. *sigh* I still love those shoes.
Congratulations on the weight loss and I want to commend MTM for doing this with you…it’s so difficult to be on a “diet” (ugh) when your partner can eat anything he wants and not gain a fricken ounce. *sigh* Lead on team leader!
You could get these, Lori, in honor of your Mom. I love a good shoe story.
I commend MTM, too. I could NEVER have done this alone.
I’m just going to say for the record that 20 pounds probably merits a dress AND shoes.
Why are the boobs always the first thing to go? And for the love of all things holy, those shoes… I think I need a moment alone.
I’d love a moment with those shoes, but I’d never let my claws off them……..