Origami Mommy
Foiled in my efforts to buy an uber-expensive dress with a designer label, I adjusted my expectations for weight loss reward. Why not just pick a dress I liked, regardless of the label or price tag?
With feverish abandon, I scoured the fashion sections of Pinterest, my green eyeballs glazing over as I scrolled through pages of options. I knew my peepers would achieve laser-like focus as soon as ‘The One’ grazed across my computer screen.
And, that is exactly what happened when I saw this Karen Millen dress:
It. Was. NIRVANA. Form fitting enough to show off how skinny I have become without screaming ‘Trash!” The ideal hues of blue to enhance my fake-red hair and aging fair skin. A flourish that looks more highbrow cocktail affair than swinger orgy party. And, the price tag, even in pounds with shipping from the UK, was a fraction of the cost of the first number.
I was sold. No dissonance. My finger clicked ‘Add to Cart’ on my magic mouse with so much verve I almost shattered its white plastic top.
My trusty Mac sort of hiccuped. The screen went blank for just long enough for me to think buying the dress caused my whole system to crash. I started pounding keys and screaming, “Why? Why?! WHY?!?!?!” just before a small message came up informing me that the site was overhauling its payment processing system and that an associate would be contacting me to take my payment details.
???
Less than a minute later, I got an email in broken English asking for my credit card number. No reference to the gorgeous dress or information about when it would be shipped. I am susceptible to sequins and high slits, and I’m not afraid of showing my shrunken cleavage on occasion. But, I will NOT contract a nasty virus while *almost* revealing my naughty bits.
I deleted the message, cleaned my cache and scrubbed my brain of said dress. Because, let’s face it, any dress that comes with a possible virus attached canNOT bring good luck to the wearer.
This post is part of the series Don’t Mess With the Dress. If this is your first visit to the series, please click here to go back to the beginning and go here for the second installment.
Just ask John Dillinger – all dresses come with potential viruses (see The Lady in Red)
Especially that one.
It might be easier to go to The Mall…
Ted, I should pen a whole post about how much I deplore The Mall. I avoid it at all costs. I am weird.
Have you checked out http://www.net-a-porter.com – they’ve got a sale on. I know this from my wife:)
Many of my choices came from net-a-porter, Roger. Knowing they have a sale on is only going to send me back over there to see if any of my original selections are now on sale……….
beautiful dress
If you want a UK resident to get it for you, let me know. I love going to Karen Millen, but I will never ever find anything to fit even my slighter than normal frame.
Thank you, Fiona. Given that I don’t know how it would fit me, it is probably better that I didn’t buy it. One can always send it back, but that gets hairy for overseas things. I will definitely go there the next time I am in the UK.
So many scams out there, I am very reluctant to buy anything in cyber space, especially clothing. I like to try them on and see how they feel and look before shelling out the dinero.
See, I LOVE internet shopping. It is like my own personal shopper selected things and shipped them straight to my door. I try them on in the privacy of my own home, on my own schedule, and if they don’t work, I box them up and send them back. Many retailers don’t charge shipping for returns, or it is a flat rate amount. The BEST way to shop.
I agree with Lou. I’m very reluctant to buy via the net. And the shopping experience is part of the fun.
I don’t mind shopping in stores when I travel, but for some reason, I can’t stand it at home.
Enjoying your dress trials and tribulations.
And, I’m not done yet, Lucy. More to come.
If you lived in Podunk, you’d shop online….A LOT!
I’ve been very satisfied with that process, both purchases, and the occasional dealing with a “return.” My caveat is simply to shop ONLY with, or through, known / vetted / trusted vendors (say that three times, fast!!)
Sorry for your shopping frustrations, Andra, but they’re making for interesting and entertaining reading! Maybe you need to shop for “bling” instead, or shoes . . . YES, SHOES!! There’s another whole mine of possibilities!
I usually shop with known vendors, but I did order some upholstery fabric from an unknown vendor yesterday. Already got my shipping confirmation this morning.
I do NOT need any more shoes. It isn’t possible for me to wear the ones I have, and I told myself the ones that don’t get worn while we are in this condo get ditched when we leave it.
Easier said than done, and I should know….there are still more on my shelf than I can possibly wear in the balance of my time on earth (no matter how long that may be), and some of them have never been worn!! I got rid of shoes when I left Charleston, and again–twice–since I’ve been here, but sure as I get rid of them I’ll want the exact pair I gave away! Murphy’s (or someone’s) Law!!
My clothes shortage is another matter however! I was so thrilled to drop a couple sizes, but absolutely EVERYTHING I used to fill out seemed to grow, until I looked like a circus clown from the rear!! Good thing I get to live in jeans and tees now!
Wow! That is a show stopper if a dress! As an origami freak I might have risked the virus and potential fraud to get that little number. But only if I lost 20 pounds!
Yeah. I still look longingly at it.
Oh man – what a beautiful dress and when I saw it I immediately thought it was perfect for you…dang! Why don’t these hacker people turn their evil into good? Sorry Andra, that is a beautiful dress though and would have looked great on you…search onward…
I’m pretty bull-headed.
Oh FUCK – and it was totally gorgeous, too. Maybe you could find it from a legitimate outlet?
I looked. I get very tired of that after about 10 minutes and must go do something else. I should put MTM on it. He runs an eBay shop of his very own and can spend hours at a time doing that.
Too bad Saks is gone. They had personal shoppers. I know you hate shopping but have you tried some of the small boutique stores?
And, I never minded shopping at Saks. They had great sales.
The small boutiques on King Street seem to cater to the college crowd these days. Everything is size 0, which is still way to small for me, even in my altered state.
I’ve purchased online with success, Andra, but, I would have ended it this one as quickly as you did for sure. Too bad. It is a lovely dress with style and just a bit of attitude. I used to love shopping Saks. I worked walking distance from a major shopping center. All it would take would be someone to come in from lunch to say “there is a sale going on at Saks” and it would be my own lunch break or stop on the way home. Sigh.
The one here was really small, but they had great stuff and the same awesome sales.
Have you thought about having a dress made for you? I haven’t any needs of such, but I have friends who on occasion have done so and talk about a wow factor! It could be quite exciting with your new figure! Or how about a trip to Milan? I see perfect congruence with that one! Debra
I wouldn’t even know where to begin to find someone to make a dress for me, Debra. It is a good idea, though. Hmmmmmmmm.
On my only trip to Milan, I didn’t have the nerve to look at clothes. I saw a pair of shoes through a shop window and almost fainted with desire before MTM dragged me away.
I am proud of you for being wise and hitting the delete key on that e-mail. You can never be safe enough with regards to buying on the Internet. As for shopping in the malls, I am with you. I (typed that cilantro word and deleted it LOL) DO NOT like shopping for clothes. It probably has something to do with being in the Tent Size category. LOL I hope you find something that will satisfy your reward for losing 20 lbs. Way to go!!
You are not tent size, James.
You are so kind Andra.
Great dress, Andra. I would never even try to buy a dress online. I’m too hard to fit. However–I must say, you are NOT WEIRD for hating the mall. Both Sara and I despise it and can go years without entering the place. More power to you!
Hugs,
Kathy
I usually shop from the same one or two places, and I always know how their clothes will fit me when I order. It is hard to branch out from there.
I can point you in the direction of a few gals to make this/a dress for you here in Charleston!!!! We have some real talent. And…you know I’d love to outfit you in some serious (affordable) bling!!! No stores…all online or me being your personal accessories stylist:) You game?
It is almost always MTM who buys my bling, but it can’t hurt for you to send me a wish list.
A lot of women are like that..If so, I like helping make wish lists & being a little birdie:) Check out my website http://www.stelladot.dom/leighann and I’ll email you too. Thanks lady!
Oh, that’s never a good sign. I buy stuff on the internet all.the.time and have never had that happen but I certainly wouldn’t go through with it if it did.
That one is such a lovely color; my only reservation about it would be that it’s very cocktail. It’d be hard to wear it to anything that was not a cocktail-attire occasion, which is fine if you have a lot of those, but I virtually never have a chance to do that. I try to make sure if I buy something fabulous it’s also something I can wear out for drinks.
I’m so ridiculous. If I get in the mood, I will wear a cocktail dress to dinner with MTM. It’s really fun to dress up and go out. But, you’re probably right, that I would get more use out of a dress that wasn’t so dressy.
Hey, I am all for getting dressed up to go out! And actually, I think it’s less about dressiness than about formality, if that makes sense? The satin and that tailored shape in combination suggest Occasion.
I do loooove that tie, though.
The tie was what hooked me.
All these setbacks must mean the dress you’re going to find is going to be a lot more awesome than those you’ve seen so far.
I hope so, Heather.
Have you tried Ideeli? I have bought a few dresses from them and have been very pleased. Malls are not for me. I go to Ann Taylor or Talbots at Tanger or Town Centre or White House/Black Market. No one else seems to cater to my size. By the way, that dress is gorgeous…..anytime a site doesn’t work when I try to pay I delete it and move on.
I haven’t even heard of it. I am off to check that out now. And probably curse you.
That dress screams, “ANDRA!” But I would have been leery about proceeding in the face of that odd e-mail.
It was a sign that I didn’t need it, Nancy.
Oh, when the dress finally shows itself!
It’s like a tease, isn’t it?
Nooooooooooooo! That dress is YOU, it’s PERFECT….I love it.
But I do sympathise. No point in risking it.
I could not help my fingers Googling to find id there’s on in a British outlet somewhere. I find it, I’ll tweet with all speed.
I don’t believe it is now the current season, but please send it along if you find one. Thank you, Kate.