He Banged It
MTM banged it. Totally. I asked him what my repost should be, and he banged it. His head. On the desk. Hard enough to cause a twinge of migraine over my left eye.
Maybe that’s because we spent a large portion of the evening discussing health issues.
He had a stress test on Monday. Because he’s approaching ‘that age’, the one where his father had multiple heart bypass surgery. It wasn’t having a medical test when he has no sign of ill health that caused our discussion. I’m glad to know that he has a less-than-15% chance of having a heart attack in the next five years.
No.
It was spawned by a mindless comment by me. I lay in bed yesterday morning, staring at the concrete ceiling, after a whole night of worry-induced wakefulness over my lack of responsible contribution to our household, and I opened my big, fat trap before I was fully awake.
MTM: I can’t button these cuffs. Maybe that means I’m getting arthritis.
Me: You are a total, utter hypochondriac.
Yeah. Stellar start to a Monday.
Fast-forward to dinner, where I was late because I had been out with my editor, lingered hours without calling, and generated no net financial contribution to our household for the day (though I did edit 3,500 words of my novel-in-progress). MTM gazed at me across the candlelit dinner he prepared, and cycled back to dawn.
MTM: Do you REALLY think I’m a hypochondriac?
I wanted to pick up my steak knife and stab myself in the mouth. Instead, I committed a worse foul than spewing blood at the table.
Me: Of COURSE not. You want to hear hypochondria? I am going to die of congestive heart failure, because BOTH of my grandmothers did, and I think about it EVERY DAY. I run into the table because I can’t see and am convinced that I have MS like my aunt, and I’ll end up stashed away in a nursing home, a burden to you. This is multiplied by the fact that I make no money, because all I am doing is making words that I hope somebody, somewhere, will pay to read if I ever manage to find someone who will make them available.
MTM: Wow. If I said we need more wine, would that make me an alcoholic?
I’m relieved to hear that the same conversation goes on in other households – I thought it was just us:)
Are you the Me character or the MTM character, Roger?
You need more wine.
I always need more wine. But, that would mean I had a problem……..
Sometimes it’s “just one of those days”. Definitely Wine is the answer.
I knew I could count on you to encourage me, Lou.
Red wine may be good for your health according to many reports. Skip the white and have an extra glass of red.
I prefer red, actually.
Hope MTM’s noggin is feeling better. Have a mentioned how wonderful I think you guys are? Oh, yeah, I said that the other day…well, consider it said again.
Thank you, Lori. I think you two are pretty wonderful yourselves. xo
You guys have svelte physiques thanks to your summer “project” and you hike, walk, bike more than anyone I know at any age. So relax…have another glass of wine and Keep Writing! We all know your ship is due into port any sentence now.
Ha. We used to joke that we were so active so that we could Keep Drinking.
I was reading Danielle LaPorte’s blog earlier this morning and her post “What would your life be like if you only did what was easy? An exercise.” http://www.daniellelaporte.com/inspiration-spirituality-articles/what-would-your-life-be-like-if-you-only-did-what-was-easy-an-exercise/?inf_contact_key=8ca78df4d5b4fed05659e09eba5d70e628a35306f7322eeb8ef9563a5d525b93 has captivated me today. Her head cocked way of turning the normal, expected way of pursuing work and life resonates with me.
Which is my way of saying, “Keep writing!”
I’m not stopping. I just wonder sometimes what in the world I’m doing.
I think that’s a badge of honor for writers! Do entirely sane people who know just what they’re doing actually embark on a profession like this?
I doubt it. It has to come from a place of profound longing, I think. You’re in the same place. Is that how you feel about it?
‘no financial contribution’… were you not just holding up pictures??
I performed that service for sexual favors.
Admittedly, the title of this post had made me wonder…
Oh GOD I’ve done the same damned thing. And I hate myself for it!
Everybody’s done it. I just wish I didn’t do it so often…..
Health issues? Hypochondria? Not to worry, Andra, for I’m sure I have you beat on that account.
Stress tests really are a worry of mine. I’ve had one (or is it two?). Most stressful thing I’ve ever been through, not for the results, mind you, or worry of my own beating heart, but, because of the athletic components of the test itself.
A blood pressure gauge on my arm, sticky little thingies all over my chest, the expose-all garment dangling about my caboose. All those things didn’t bother me one whit. No, It wasn’t until the nice nurse said that I needed to walk, faster and faster until I couldn’t and then go a little longer that my blood pressure shot up. It wasn’t the endurance that caused it, dear Andra. No. Not that. It was when nice nurse said that when I could go no longer I needed to stop, jump off the treadmill and hop onto to the table, turn to my side asap just as they dropped half of the table from said side. Are you okay? You’re pressure is really high. I had to explain that I wasn’t known for my coordination and the thought of jumping off, hopping on, while losing half of the table was, well . . . I still use guardrails on my bed. tee hee
Oh, Penny. That is hilarious. When MTM relayed the details of the test yesterday, I had a similar flash of me falling off the thing whenever I have to do one. I’m glad yours came out all right in the end.
Best friends can have moments like that and keep it moving. Enjoy the making up
We always do, Bonita.
I have lost count how many times I have inserted my foot all the way to my kneecap in my mouth with Katy. Somehow she still loves me.
Living life includes all of the good and bad moments. The embarrassing and not so embarrassing moments. Sometimes we have to admit to being stupid, say you are sorry and move on. Making up can be a lot of fun if you let it. LOL Love you guys bunches. Hugs
Hugs to you and Katy.
Andra, it’s terrible when you have something on your mind, isn’t it? Even though I don’t like these kind of conversations (being part of them), I do like hearing about other people’s! A friend of mine used to say she should start practicing Yoga the amount of times she put her foot in her mouth!
I wish foot-in-mouth disease would help me with my lotus position, Tom.
I’d be the limberest person I know 
My mother in law can’t keep a medical dictionary in the house because she thinks she has most of the stuff in it. I am of the same persuasion. You both have some way to go before being really, hard-line hypochondriac, Andra.
One of the links in the blog post leads to an online test for hypochondria. I failed it with flying colors. I suspect you would as well, Kate.
I’m starting to worry just reading your post and the comments!
Hypochondria is contagious! I have an overactive mind here, too, Andra. I go to yoga class three times a week to keep my blood pressure low, and to help quiet my brain! It works for me, actually. It hasn’t helped me with the foot in mouth disease, however. Jay is the patron saint of patience! I am not. When I’m nervous or worried, I can be very insensitive. oxo
It sounds like you and Jay and MTM and I would get along famously, Debra. MTM is also the patron saint of patience.
In truth, after listening to family members carry on about their real and perceived ailments for decades, I am happy to admit that something will eventually kill me, and I’m not going to worry about it.
Still, getting back to yoga would help me. I admire your dedication. It feels so good to practice faithfully.
Did MTM offer you more wine? It’s good for what ails us.
He did, and I drank it.
Here that sound? That is just me sitting over in the corner snickering. I love you too. You are going to make the most amazing old couple when you are both in your 60s and 70s.
Too damn funny.
Old in our 60s? That’s OLD, Carnell?
Hey, I said “and 70s”. And it has to be. Since I am older than you I will croak off before you get too old. So if I am going watch you and laugh, then you have to be old but not so old that I am dust.
MTM is almost as old as you are, Carnell. Almost.
Yes, but he is much better preserved.