When He Reached Down His Hand For Me
Dear Cooper:
It is the wont of children to throw a wrench in the best laid plans. I had a whole series of blog posts planned out this month, highlights of Christmas ornaments that meant something to me, and you went and sent me this in the mail yesterday:
A freaking Christmas ornament. Of your fingers.
Let me just go on the record and say it in front of the billions of people on the internet: you are the best guideson EVER. I am writing through tears, heedless of the fact that my plans were derailed.
One of the best things about kids is this: they teach us not to be so rigid, so uptight, so structured. Because, really, we don’t control a thing. From the moment you appeared, it was up to those of us who love you to figure out how to let you go. Every day is a little rip of the ties that hold you to us.
Here’s what I want you to know.
You go. Run. Experience life, wherever it takes you. Embrace that ribbon of the unknown, no matter where it goes. When life shows you its worst, I’ll be there. When you want to see its best, I hope I can give you a glimpse. Whatever happens, do not ever be afraid of living life.
photo by Kristen Cronin
I love you, Cooper, and I can’t wait to see you in January. Thank you for another memory that will give me happy tears.
Andra
To read more letters to our guideson Cooper:
This post is part of the series Roll Out the Holly, about the stories Christmas ornaments can conjure. Click here to read the series from the beginning.
And, in honor of your guide father’s Johnny Cash “God” fetish, I am deviating from the Christmas music theme today.
man I love me some Johnny Cash!
MTM has a boxed set of Johnny Cash – Love God Murder. He likes the God one the best, though.
Johnny Cash is the best. The Man Comes Around is one of my favorite CDs of all time.
Well, you two should get together and listen to him. Save me.
you know I’m all tearful again
But, it’s the good kind, Fiona.
it is- it shows how you have the power!
Now that’s a decoration with personal meaning if ever there was one, Andra!
I hope I don’t break it. I’ve broken so many ornaments this year.
Very glad to see that I can reply to you today, Tom, and that the world did not end overnight.
Just wonderful, I love the pics that Kristen and Brian post.
Me, too. She is a very talented photographer.
Hey, where’s the Little Thumber, Boy? Pah-rump-pah-rump-pah
Droll, MTM. Very droll.
Ah. The Little Thumber Boy. Thanks, MTM. I needed a laugh because Andra’s words got me all ugly Mom crying this morning. Beautiful wishes for a beautiful boy, Cootchie Mama.
When he tries to call Thomas on a banana, you will be the first to know.
So sweet.
I can’t wait to pinch those cheeks.
Such a memorable ornament to now guide your Christmases, Andra, and sit in a prominent spot on your tree. What a darling little boy and guideson Cooper is.
This is one of my recent favorite pictures of him, Penny.
You made my heart stutter. Palpable. Wrenching. Uplifting. Gosh dang it but there’s another word for what I’m feeling but (unlike you) I’m unable to grasp that word, embrace it, caress it and speak it. Payten. There’s my word. The way you feel about Cooper, is the way I feel about Payten. My heart aches for my own loss, but my heart also soars for the joy and love in your heart.
I once told Kristen how grateful I was for the role she asked us to play in Cooper’s life. He can’t replace people we lose, but he did fill a Payten-ish void in my own heart.
xoxo
As with others, I am tearful reading this loving tribute. You and MTM are setting good examples for us all about how to be good guides to the young people in our lives. Hugs to you both for a wonderful Christmas.
It is always easier to say than to do, though.
That’s t he truth!
The beauty and preciousness of children has been on all of our minds this week with both the poignancy of hurting with those who have lost their precious little ones swinging all the way to the other extreme with those of us caught in the wonder of sharing the Christmas experience with giggly, excited children. I know how you melt with little Cooper and this ornament will always grace your heart with a special beauty. And I love the “guiding” element of how you feel about his place in your lives, too. Your tears are beautiful and the musical accompaniment is simply brilliant!
Awwww. This whole series has made me go awwww.
It’s sickening.
Best type of Christmas ornament there is, Andra! I have so enjoyed your stories. Many of my ornaments have a story as well, which weaves a wonderful tapestry that is my tree. Merry Christmas to you and Michael!
Merry Christmas to you, too, Liz. Hope to see you in the new year.
Lovely Cooper’s fingers. Lovely you to be the willow for him.
He is a cutie.
*sniffle* beautifully written, Andra. A treasure for Cooper when he is old enough to read and understand. And that picture…..
His mother is quite the photographer.