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Baby It’s Butt Cold Outside

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When my lungs ache. When my glasses fog. When my nostrils freeze shut. When my appendages cease blood flow to the point of gangrene. When my face won’t move. When I make little noises to force polar air into my block-of-ice body.

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When MTM breathes deep and cackles, “This cold is nothing. NOTHING!!!!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!” When he beats his chest like Tarzan, only it doesn’t hurt because his chest is encased in a Swedish Army issue wool coat from 1945. When he skates down the icy sidewalk, while I cling to a drainpipe in horror, until I can barely peel myself from said drainpipe, because my whole body has become stuck like “A Christmas Story.

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When I notice the wintry quality of the light. When I breathe out and watch the steam disappear against the halo of the northern sun. When I see a man jogging uphill in a Santa hat and green long underwear. When I catch fat snowflakes on my tongue and delight in the dandruff they make on my shoulders and in my hair.

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A decade of Christmases in Montreal, and I am never happy to leave. Always, I want to linger one more day. Tarry a little longer. Taste one more dish. See one more spectacle.

Maybe that’s the secret to returning to a place.

It never feels complete.

But.

It is also butt cold where we’re headed. The land of Miller High Life and Harley Davidson, Friday Fish Fry and frozen custard. The polar midwestern landscape that spawned dear MTM.

28 Comments Post a comment
  1. “When my lungs ache. When my glasses fog. When my nostrils freeze shut. When my appendages cease blood flow to the point of gangrene. When my face won’t move.”, these are a few of my favorite things, and I don’t feel so bad.
    Now sing it proud Missy Frosty.

    December 27, 2012
    • It is fun for a few days every year, Lou. I don’t think I could live in it, though.

      December 27, 2012
  2. Looks very, very pretty. And way to damn cold. But certainly somewhere made more enjoyable, and memorable, by a partner to cuddle with.

    December 27, 2012
    • My thumbs almost froze yesterday. But, my nostrils still have not frozen shut.

      December 27, 2012
  3. I panicked a little. I’m from Tennessee so when it flurries or gets below 50 we’re bred to wig out a bit. Wishing you fun and mittens, woman!

    December 27, 2012
    • My mittens work well. I only use them on this trip. :)

      December 27, 2012
  4. Sounds marvelous!

    December 27, 2012
    • Do you have snow? Montreal is getting walloped today, now that we are leaving.

      December 27, 2012
      • We got a wet dusting last night, but it’s rained for about 12 hours now, so that’s long gone.

        December 27, 2012
  5. Great portrait. It sounds an amazing Christmas. Enjoy.

    December 27, 2012
  6. That photograph of you both looks like a beautiful portrait, Andra.
    So pleased you are both having such a great time.

    December 27, 2012
    • It was a lovely decade marker, Kate. Peaceful and wintry.

      December 27, 2012
  7. Brrrr. Good thing you can cuddle to stay warm…you know what they say to help hypothermia…right? :)

    December 27, 2012
    • Lots of cuddling. :)

      December 27, 2012
      • Naked cuddling….must be naked…it’s a hypothermia requirement…skin on skin… :D

        December 28, 2012
  8. I guess I should have said “..to help stave off hypothermia…”

    December 27, 2012
  9. Sounds like a winter wonderland to me, Andra. WE haven’t a speck of snow here. Not a flake. Ah, but we are headed up to the Land of 10,000 Lakes for part two of Christmas. Maybe we will pass you and MTM on the road along the way.

    December 27, 2012
    • If you have the urge to get off at Random Lake, Wisconsin, Penny, I would be happy to give you directions to give you a hug. :) Safe travels.

      December 27, 2012
  10. Have fun. Methinks you’ll get your snow

    December 27, 2012
  11. Great pics… especially the last one!

    December 27, 2012
  12. Awesome photos and story as always. Loved the picture of you and MTM with blushed faces because it is so cold there. I am happy for you two. Have fun and be safe.

    December 27, 2012
  13. I wouldn’t last 5 minutes before heading indoors for the fire. :D

    December 27, 2012
  14. I honestly feel a little stunted…I have never experienced even one minute in a climate zone like you describe…or where you’re headed next! I don’t know if I would even survive, quite frankly…I’m awfully spoiled and untested. LOL! You do present it all with glamor and sense of adventure. Your photos do show a winter wonderland! oxo

    December 28, 2012

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