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I’m Going Straight to Hell

literary southern gothic suspense novel, literary southern gothic suspense fiction, literary suspense novel, literary suspense fiction, blizzard, snowstorm, stranded in a blizzard, travel nightmare

To read this sordid fictional saga from the beginning, please click here.

“I can’t put you on this flight.” The airline shrew, Satan’s stoolie, said it with flippance. Like the snow wasn’t blowing a screen of white outside. Like every flight would make it out that day. In fact, she even emphasized her point. “All the flights are going. They are. You’ll be fine leaving at 4:30.”

“We’ll never make 4:30.” The wife, she was always a pessimist. Her whole life, she fought the demon of negativity, battled it with an iron will, pretended to be positive, so perky that everyone thought that’s exactly what she was.

Until she encountered the worst situations.

Her husband knew the real, the dark, her.

In ten minutes, they were through checking bags. Through immigration. Through customs. Even through the enticements of duty-free. They were standing in front of the gate for the flight they were supposed to be on.

It was still there. Still boarding.

“We should try to get on that flight.” She threw it out there, casual-like. Somehow, her negative inner twin knew it would be the last flight that left that cursed day.

And, so it was.

“I can book you on the 11:35am to Boston tomorrow.” The same smolder of hell-fire behind those shrew-ish eyes. “You’ll be in Milwaukee by tomorrow night.”

The exhausted couple booked themselves into an airport motel. Rode the shuttle. Ran with all their luggage through knee-deep snow and howling wind. They drank. Oh, how they drank, until they heard Satan’s cackle mixing with the wind outside. “You won’t make the 11:35. I’ll see to it.”

Ladies and gentlemen, Air Canada flight blah-blah-blah to Boston has been cancelled. The devil touched the landing equipment, and the plane is broken, and because the bowels of hell are involved, we can’t fix it.

“That’s what I get for saying we wouldn’t leave yesterday. I’m sorry, Dear. Me and my negative mind. It jinxed us. I’m so stupid. I’m badbadbadbadbad.”

“Stop crying, Sweetheart. Really. Stop it. People are looking at us. STOP. NOW.”

“Hello, Sir. I can book you and your wife on the 5:55pm to Boston, ending in Chicago the following morning. No flights to Milwaukee, though.”

“We’ll rent a car and drive.”

“Why can’t we just freaking rent a car and drive from here? Really” Why can’t we?”

“I already told you to stop crying. STOP.”

“But, we’ll be like that movie. Like John Candy and Steve Martin.”

“Don’t even bring that movie up. Just stop talking.”

“But – “

“We’re NOT renting a car, and that’s the end of it.”

Ladies and gentlemen, the 5:55 Air Canada flight to Boston has been delayed until 8:55pm. Thank you for your patience.

“I TOLD you we should’ve driven.”

“How was I – “

“Don’t talk to me anymore.”

Welcome to Boston! We are so sorry for the awful time you’re having, and we’ve booked you on a whole new itinerary in the morning, all the way to Milwaukee. Aren’t we the greatest? Here’s a bunch of vouchers for everything, and thank you for flying Air Canada.

“Sweetheart, please stop crying and just go to bed. You’ll feel better in the morning. We have great flights and everything.”

“You should try to call and check us in.”


“Just do it. You’ll see.”

Lightning flashed. Thunder rolled. Flames shot from cracks in the earth, and Satanic cackles shot like evil fireworks into the night sky.

“Sir, you and your wife are not booked on any of these flights. Good luck getting to Milwaukee tomorrow.”

“But, wait! WAIT!” She waved two crumpled coupons in her husband’s face. “We got these in Montreal. American Airlines from Boston to Chicago. PRIORITY. 8:35am. Maybe they’re still good. Maybe our luck is turning……….”


23 Comments Post a comment
  1. Hi Andra, Happy New Year. You’re really hitting your stride with this new series. Great stuff!

    December 31, 2012
    • I’m sorry I had to live through 99% of it to write it, though…… :)

      December 31, 2012
  2. Told you not to wear Prada, Snow Queen.

    December 31, 2012
  3. Evil shall triumph! In the end, what is the worse that could happen? I know, you would wind up in … Milwaukee.

    December 31, 2012
    • I didn’t wind up in Milwaukee, Smarty.

      December 31, 2012
      • Well, it was somewhere up there in the cold and snow. All those places look the same to me.

        December 31, 2012
      • This one was very pretty.

        December 31, 2012
  4. And, it would appear, going straight there without passing Go and without collecting $200. :)

    I am SO in hopes that some small glitch in your travels simply ignited your fertile writer’s mind, and that this is NOT an autobiographical horror story!

    December 31, 2012
    • Karen, it mostly is an autobiographical horror story.

      December 31, 2012
  5. Everytime I awakened during the night, Driving and Crying’s Straight to Hell was rollicking through my brain. I’m feeling your pain! Hope you finally get to Milwaukee!

    December 31, 2012
    • Straight to Hell is appropriate for this whole experience.

      December 31, 2012
    • Thanks to you Cheryl I was cruising YouTube for far too long last night listening to old Drivin’ & Cryin’ songs. Thanks.

      December 31, 2012
  6. I do hope this ends up at a grand New Year’s Eve Party in Hell’s anteroom. Have a great 2013!

    December 31, 2012
    • We are scheduled to be at the Iron Horse Hotel, ringing in the New Year with Harley people. Or something. We’ll see………

      December 31, 2012
  7. Why do I think that although this is fiction, you’ve had other experiences that approach this level of mayhem? You do so much traveling that I think statistically you have probably had some hellish experiences! A different generation than John Candy and Steve Martin, the movie that comes to my mind is the original Out of Towners, with Jack Lemon and Sandy Dennis. I always think of that when travel nightmares hit. I’m enjoying this series, although it makes me feel a little anxious! :-)

    January 2, 2013
    • Debra, 99% of this is true, our travel hell. It is one of the worst experiences I’ve had traveling.

      January 2, 2013
  8. Ouch.

    January 2, 2013
  9. Is it Air Canada who has the unofficial motto, “We’re not happy unless you’re not happy?”

    January 2, 2013
  10. And you’re still coming back to Logan after all that? Brave souls!

    January 7, 2013

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