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An Orgy of Caloric Consumption

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Milwaukee, Wisconsin is the frozen custard capital of the world. That its landscape is semi-arctic for half the year does not stop Wisconsonites from crowding into custard stands. When we pulled into Kopp’s on a Saturday, MTM laughed at how long it took us to find a parking space. “Leave it to Wisconsin people to wear fourteen layers of clothes, stand in the snow and stuff their faces with cold custard in January.”

Frozen custard may be a Wisconsin mainstay, but it was invented on Coney Island, New York. Two ice cream peddlers added egg yolks to standard ice cream way back in the early 1900′s, and the decadent texture of custard was born.

In case you were wondering, the egg yolks make ice cream richer and creamier, without the ice crystals and lumps that might haunt a typical gallon of vanilla from the freezer case. But, the egg yolks mean frozen custard is something that must be consumed fresh, just as it is ejaculated from the mouth of the big stainless steel machine.

I sometimes wish I could put my yawning trap at the bottom of that opening, but I digress.

When we visit Milwaukee, Kopp’s Frozen Custard is an orgasm in a cone or cup. I check the Daily Flavor Forecast for weeks before we go, and we plan our whole itinerary around our favorites. Although, I’m not opposed to trying new ones. On our last visit, I was agog when I saw them pour actual Chambord into the vat of Chambord Alexander. Liquory, purple deliciousness.

I think I cut my tongue when I licked the plastic bowl.

Milwaukee has other custard stands. I’ve tried Leon’s. Once. MTM won’t even consider Gilles or Culver’s, so, alas, I cannot report on their creamy qualities. All I can say is that, if you’re ever in Milwaukee, you must try the frozen custard. It’s better there than anywhere.

Worth every stinking calorie.

And now, for the winner of yesterday’s contest.

No one guessed ‘frozen custard.’ But, Tori Young got close with ice cream. Technically, she was incorrect, but because she is potty-training her son, and she threatened to commit hara-kiri yesterday, I think she deserves a little sparkle in her mailbox. I don’t think I can send a box of wine, so my lowly snowflake ornament will have to do.

Congratulations, Tori!

If you’re visiting Milwaukee, here’s a directory of the frozen custard stands mentioned in this article. And yes, they are all open all winter.

Kopp’s Frozen Custard - located in Greenfield, Brookfield and Glendale; hours generally 10:30am to 11pm, seven days a week.

Leon’s Frozen Custard - 3131 S. 27th Street, Milwaukee; open daily 11am to midnight.

Culver’s – multiples locations throughout the upper Midwest; check the web site for stores and opening times.

Gilles Frozen Custard - 7515 W. Bluemound Road, Milwaukee; 10:30am – 10pm Monday – Thursday; open until 11pm Friday and Saturday.

This post is part of the series Doing It Our Way, an homage to Milwaukee, Wisconsin, birthplace of MTM. If this is your first visit to the series, please check out the other installments:

We’re Gonna Do 2013 Our Way
Cold as a Witches Nipple
A Spew of White Foam
A New Year Moo and a Prize for You

Thank you for reading,  for liking my posts, for subscribing and for sharing my blog with your world.

43 Comments Post a comment
  1. Reblogged this on Travelling Clicks and commented:
    I Love That One…..:)

    January 5, 2013
    • Thanks for the follow and the re-blog, Fredy. Off to check out your blog in a bit.

      January 5, 2013
  2. With the attack of the Queen A and Shadow Ninja, Custard made its last stand.

    January 5, 2013
    • I hope it isn’t Custard’s last stand, Lou. I plan on having it again and again. It’s like Jeni’s Ice Cream for you.

      January 5, 2013
      • I was thinking of Jeni’s when I was reading the post. Good thing I don’t get to Columbus more often, I would be a sumo dude before too long.

        January 5, 2013
      • They sell it at Whole Foods, I think. I’m sure it isn’t the same, though. I can order Kopp’s online, and they ship it in dry ice, but it just can’t be the same.

        January 5, 2013
  3. Huzzah! For frozen custard! And Huzzah for the new theme. Looks good. Seems very similar to 2011. And it is responsive to mobile devices!

    January 5, 2013
    • The new theme is still a work-in-progress. There is no way to change a theme and get everything done to it without having it be live, so I will be tinkering in the coming days until I’m happy with it. Quite a bit left to do. But, I’m glad everyone likes it so far.

      January 5, 2013
  4. I like the new look, very clean and fresh like frozen custard.

    January 5, 2013
  5. Well, I’d never have got THAT one, Andra! Ingenious. Well done Tori: potty training’s a thankless business and that snowflake might just be the thing she needs.

    Lovely new look! Bravo!

    January 5, 2013
    • If I soak the snowflake in some wine, maybe she will like it more. :) Aren’t boys generally harder to house break?

      I hope I can make it look better as the days wear on. Glad you like it so far.

      January 5, 2013
  6. Oh! I suddenly get it. I want that. I have never understood frozen custard. It hasn’t appealed at all. That is because they didn’t holymarymotherofgod use a picture like THAT. YUM.

    January 5, 2013
    • Jessie, it is my favorite frozen dessert now. I didn’t understand it, either, until I had it for the first time. I’m glad it doesn’t hold up in the South, or I’d weigh a bazillion pounds.

      January 5, 2013
  7. Even ejaculations of orgasmic custard couldn’t draw me into the frozen wastes of Wisconsin. My nearest English speaking neighbour has just settled here, choosing his French sweetheart over the frozen custard of Wisconsin:)

    January 5, 2013
    • It’s fun for a visit, Roger. I could not live there.

      But, MTM and I both agree that we could live in France. :)

      January 5, 2013
  8. Coney Island, Andra… what a coincidence! I’ve only recently heard of that place (in connection with hotdogs) and now here it is mentioned again! Now, I like cold custard… but I’ve never tried frozen… there’s something I may try in the future!

    January 5, 2013
    • I’ve never been out to Coney Island, Tom. My friend Robert over at The Quotidian Hudson (http://quotidianhudsonriver.com/) lives in Manhattan and has featured Coney Island on his blog a couple of times.

      When I think of Coney Island, I always think of that scene from the movie “Big,” where the little kid asks the eerie machine to make him big, and he wakes up as Tom Hanks.

      Since you love to write about coincidences, a story about the significance of Coney Island may be in order. :)

      January 5, 2013
      • Now there’s an idea!
        I’m liking your alterations by the way…

        January 5, 2013
      • It’s slow going, but it will get there. :)

        January 5, 2013
  9. Debating here, both the frozen custard thing (not a big fan of just plain custard, so don’t know if freezing it would somehow be a deciding factor for me), and the new look (I’m a more is more freak, so at present it’s looking a bit spare to me :), and I’m missing the links near the top that used to take you to the prior or next post). The writing is ALWAYS enticing though, so I’ll keep coming back for more! :)

    January 5, 2013
    • Change is always hard, Karen. I think this site is busier than the last one, because the slider movement gets to me. :)

      I, too, miss the previous and next post links, but they were not included with this theme. Part of Google’s new dictums involve linking to prior content in a current post, and I can provide them manually going forward. That’s part of the reason a whole series now lives at the bottom of each post, but I can play with where that goes.

      January 5, 2013
    • The previous and next posts now show up at the bottom, Karen, right above the comments section.

      January 5, 2013
  10. For some reason Andra I misread the title as Orgy Of Catholic Consumption. Luckily as I read on i discovered the error. Sounds like my kinda place!

    January 5, 2013
    • Jim, that would be an excellent post title. I shall keep it in my vault. :)

      January 5, 2013
      • Look forward to reading it Andra – I just remembered I forgot to take a picture of our tree – Ginger Sooty adorned it too. Shame!

        January 6, 2013
  11. Custard? What the Hell is custard?

    And look at the new blog format! Cool!

    January 5, 2013
  12. Oh, dear, oh dear, oh dear . . . I will going past a Culver’s in a few days. Can I resist?

    January 5, 2013
  13. I’ve never had a frozen custard. I wonder if our Whole Foods would offer a chance to try! The new look is quite beautiful, Andra. I like it. :-)

    January 6, 2013
    • It seems to be a thing for a certain climate, Debra. The furthest south I have ever seen it was in Asheville, NC. The place closed. Their custard was terrible.

      January 7, 2013
  14. Frozen custard? Hmmmmm. I’m not a fan of ice cream (I know, I know, sacrilege) is it like ice cream? Thicker in consistency? Inquiring minds and all that…

    January 7, 2013
    • It is creamier. No ice crystals. No lumpy parts. The smoothest frozen dessert I’ve ever had.

      January 7, 2013
  15. Frozen custard is the BEST STUFF IN THE UNIVERSE. It’s probably the number one thing I miss about living in the Midwest.

    January 7, 2013
    • Well, you’re in Boston now, and according to Cameron right below you, they make theirs stuff with egg yolks, too. Maybe there’s a hidden gem somewhere?

      January 7, 2013
  16. So, weird thing? Much of the mom & pop ice cream around here is eggy, but we don’t call it custard. Just ice cream. I didn’t know people made ice cream without yolks until I went to college and went to the Ben & Jerry’s factory with people from other parts of the world.

    Ah, the eye-opening of a liberal arts education ;)

    January 7, 2013
    • Let us know some of your fave Mom and Pop places around Boston, Cam. We might have to do a drive-by.

      January 7, 2013
      • My absolute favorite is Kimball Farm in Westford, but that’s an hour out of the city in the wrong direction. JP Licks on Charles St in Beacon Hill (down near the MGH T stop) is excellent, though.

        What you need to do is come back in the summer and go through Hampton Beach on the way north to Portland. Get yourself some real, live Blink’s Fry Doe.

        January 7, 2013
  17. I used to schedule my business trips to Milwaukee around Kopp’s flavor-of-the-day calendar, and my boss knew it. But since he wanted to stop there, too, it worked for both of us.

    Darn, now I have to drive north of the border and get some (and be one of those crazy people wrapped in layers, sitting outside eating custard.)

    January 8, 2013

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