When There’s No Light at the End of the Tunnel
It was one of those interesting days. I spent some time with someone I’ve known for over ten years. We’re the same age, and it was a big relief for me to know that I’m not alone in sometimes feeling like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe it’s a function of where we are in life. Perhaps it’s something else. What we could both agree upon was that we don’t know the answer.
I’m a problem solver – not in the typical “math problem” sense of the word. I can’t stand working with numbers. It’s one of the things that ran me out of the accounting profession. I don’t have that sense of glee that comes from seeing the numbers all work out.
Instead, my mind likes to chew on puzzles, the “if I try this, then that will most likely happen” scenarios. I’ve always been really good at looking at others’ situations and breaking them down into neat little puzzle parts, zeroing in on the missing piece. Several people have told me this is a gift.
Maybe it is a gift, but it feels more like a curse, increasingly so over the past two or three years. The more I’ve waded into the struggles of others, the more I’ve felt like I’m drowning. There’s give and take, and then there’s give and give some more, to the point that I only exist when I can offer my blood up to the next vampire. In some cases its my job, meaning it’s bought-and-paid-for – in fact, some people likely think it costs way too much – but I sometimes wonder how much of it I have left to dole out. More than once, I’ve clawed for the light at the end of the tunnel that I couldn’t even see. My grasping didn’t even feel like me – unless it’s welcome-to-mid-life crisis me, the new me-that-I-don’t-want-to-be.
I reached out to a friend because I thought he needed it. Little did I realize just how much he would help me. Listening to him and talking with him revealed my very own light bulb. It had been there all along, a bare filament, alight.
Instead of looking for the light at the end of the tunnel, I’m perfectly capable of flipping a switch and flooding my world with my own light. And, that’s exactly what I remembered that day.
Sometimes, we do reposts because we need to remember that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Our own words can be that light when nothing else enlightens. Thanks for reading my blog, today and any day.