Why I Am A Bad Wife
Why I am a bad wife, in no particular order.
- I just cleaned the toilet. I can’t remember the last time I scrubbed it, but MTM caught me, motoring away with the brush in my hand, bedecked in my flannel pajamas with the cardinals all over them.
- I’m sure I was fetching.
- NOT.
- I asked MTM for the four million, two hundred and seventy-eight thousand, four hundred and fifty-fifth time, if my next book will make me.
- He said yes. Because, he is the most amazing and long suffering husband of all time.
- I then proceeded to talk about fake people for at least two hours, all through our sushi dinner and over drinks and a homemade pop tart afterward. He humored me, because he still likes having COFFEE. With me. Even though I wear cardinal-crusted flannel pajamas that are not exactly clean and babble about the voices in my head. For days. And days.
- I cannot fathom why he would want to sleep with me, ever again.
- The drinks he bought me made me more talkative, which was not a Good Thing.
- When MTM asked me if he had any clean underwear several days ago, I did not compute that I needed to do laundry. Instead, in a down-to-the-wire fog, I asked him what one of my characters would do in the same situation.
- We talked about more fake people for at least three hours.
- MTM went commando for several days, while I wandered around the house in a stupor.
- And cried.
- And talked about more fake people.
- And drank.
- And stared out the window.
- And cried some more.
- (All I have to say at this point is, if you only download free books or check out books from the library or take them on loan from your fourth cousin once removed and refuse to compensate the people who wrote them, YOU MIGHT WANT TO RETHINK YOUR INVESTMENTS.)
It is MTM’s Birthday Month. He deserves better than a shade of a wife who natters on about the people who live inside her head, who sobs and blows her nose into her hands while she wears not-clean cardinal pajamas and does shots because she will miss the fake people in her book when she finishes another draft, while her editor takes them and slashes them to shreds.
Dear Reader, what can I do to be a better, Birthday Month Wife to my dear MTM?
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He loves you….that is obvious and awesome. ♥
He does love me. I am lucky.
Can’t he wash his own underwear? My husband complains more vociferously when I am late with the laundry
but I don’t let him do it because he won’t do it right. And he glazes over when I talk about my fake people for five minutes – you’ve got a gem there! At least the toilet is clean 
As for missing the fake people – sequel? Being a better wife, I find hugs always help. Anyway, it’s not as if you haven’t listened to him talk about architecture quite a lot so it’s not so uneven.
MTM is the only person on earth who will listen to me talk about fake people. I’ve tried, but in general no one else will do it for more than five minutes. I gave up a long time ago.
I don’t like for him to do the laundry, because I wash so many of my things a certain way, and he doesn’t know the way.
I think MTM is a lucky man. Imagine how boring his life would be without all the wonderful characters in your head.
At least, he gets a different wife. I hope he doesn’t wonder who he’s going to be talking to every time he goes to put the key in the lock and walks into the house.
That just adds to the adventure. Nathan and MTM should compare notes.
TMI!! I did not need to know that MTM has been going commando! Eww!
And the pajamas sound cute. Everything else sounds kind if endearing. Like you.
As lucky as you are to have him, he is just as lucky to have you.
At least that us what the voices in my head said I should say.
I hope he feels lucky to have me. Sometimes, like this week, I wonder, because I’m such a wreck.
Any spouse who survives marriage to an architect deserves a medal (if not more). We’ve been married 41 years and I do my own laundry – learned that in year 1. On occasion I throw in my wife’s underwear and wash it too. I’ve learned (in year 35) to not put the bras in the dryer. As for the cardinal pj’s, just take them off. He’ll get it – speaking as an architect for 39 years and still with the same lovely woman.
John, I will remember your advice the next time I am in this position, which will likely be tonight.
I usually put my bras in the dryer. That’s probably why they don’t support much after about three months.
I’m joining the bad wife club. I’ve done little to nothing for the past 2 days other than bring gems into the house, hack, cough all while in my night gown. Now Bill has my crud and neither of us is sleeping-though he tried last night by camping out on the living room floor just to get away from my hacking.
Just because you wear flannel PJ s and chatter about non-existent people doesn’t make you a bad wife, just a writer-besides, I’ve seen the way he looks at you.
Well that was supposed to be germs!
I hope you’re both feeling much better today, Cheryl.
Gems? You’ve been holding out on me!
I like the whole “gems” concept, too, Bill. between you and me….she is indeed a gem, you are a lucky guy.
That’s the typo from the cell phone voice to text recognition.
You are so not alone in the wifely guilt department. I have enough of it to sink the Titanic again. Todays offering was: “Don’t worry about doing my shirts.” Me: “I’m not.” I cannot do the proper housewife bit. I’m not built for it. There is a reason why 1950′s housewives drank and took valium!
By the way, the blue is perfect.
Thanks, Cate. I like the blue, too.
I’m not a proper housewife, either. MTM does all the cooking, so the least I could do is keep his underwear clean.
I wholeheartedly agree with Carnell. I’m not a bad wife.
I’m a great teacher. Mike fixes dinner, does the dishes…cause he’s learned that if he wants it done…he’ll do it himself. However, I do the laundry, clean the house and clean my own bathroom – he must clean his own. 
So I win, I win, I win…oh, wait, this wasn’t a competition. My bad.
It sounds like you have things divvied up pretty well, Lori. When we had a yard, I took care of the inside, and MTM took care of the outside. I still take care of the inside, but he feeds me, so we’re square.
He wouldn’t listen if he wasn’t at least a little enamored of the people in your head. But if you want to do something special, surprise him with something you know he adores.
I already have it. Ha.
Think of it this way. What you lack in housewifely skills you make up for in the entertainment department! MTM sounds like a guy who probably has a party going on in his own head, too!
He seems confident and able to support the many moods of Andra! 
And I can honestly and without any reservation telll you that I am doing my part to support authors of all stripes! My “buy new books” budget is completely on fire. I don’t even question that I couldn’t possibly read each one. I do enjoy getting the classics for free, but those authors are happy I still want to read them! I am confident you’re going to have success of your own and I can’t wait to have my autographed copy!
Debra, I am just about to burst for you to read this book. Someday, you will understand why I feel that way about you in particular.
How fun, Andra! You’ve got me soooo curious!
I guess a male would say make MTM the center of attraction for once
on his birthday! Hide the people in your head for a day.
David, my editor will have the book by then, and the voices will have to cease until she gives the book back to me. She is the best, and I am so lucky that she agrees to work with me.
I’m going to go all out on a limb here, and say that he has exactly the wife he wants. But you could try scrubbing the toilet in something less… flannel
I will try to get it done while he is not home next time.
Or perhaps keep the scrubbing, change the packaging?
That is a thought, Kate.
Aw. It sounds like you and I ran out of St. Johns wort at the same time.
I’m going to suggest that no apparel looks especially alluring surrounded by fecal coliform, so be comfy.
People who can afford to buy books usually do. It’s much easier than going to the library. Please forgive me; right now I mostly invest in groceries. When my ship comes in I’ll buy new books like a maniac.
Fecal coliform. I love it, Roxanne.
You’d be surprised how many people refuse to pay for books when they can totally afford them. What’s even harder for me is how they sit and tell me all about their aversion for paying for books and complain about how poorly written much of the free stuff they read is, but they’re still proud of themselves that they’re not paying for them. Given how much of my savings I have drained in this quest for publication, those conversations are especially hard for me. The few dollars I pay to read a book represents a microscopic fraction of the effort the author invested. I know where you and Annie are and what you’re doing, and I understand.
So, did I miss something? Why are you a bad wife?
Besides, it wouldn’t matter if you were. I’ve seen the way he looks at you… just like the way I look at Cheryl. He too, is hopelessly lost.
Free books are as bad as free crack! I download tons of free books… get suckered into the plot… then end up buying the other twelve books in the series.
I’m sure I’ll have to give plenty of mine away someday, for that very reason.
I will most definitely “buy” your book….you still take Zimbabwean dollars, right?
http://bp1.blogger.com/_4jfk59bc9d8/R-7rJz_qPDI/AAAAAAAAB20/Yo6RV1RRol8/s320/zimbabwe-zim-currency-slide.jpg
Ha. Ha.
What can you do to be a better Birthday Month Wife to MTM? Something tells me you already know.
I certainly see some parallels between your relationship dynamics and my own. I don’t know how Dave is good a listener as he is, but I am very grateful for it. And, I can talk about fake people for more than 5 minutes at a stretch, too. Put that in your back pocket, Andra, if you need it!
You’ve been a wreck? Me too. Darn voices in my head don’t always say what is best for me.
Working on that.
That Dave is a keeper, isn’t he?
You keep his life interesting and he keeps your life interesting. You are both equally good for each other and you are awesome together. You are a perfect wife! Relax and keep on rocking! I honestly can’t imagine a much better couple than you two!
You and Krista are a pretty darn great couple, too.
Sounds to me like you’re doing fine, Andra. Sometimes, when your head is in places where you would rather it wasn’t any molehill becomes a mountain. And next time you clean the loo, wear non-matching PJs, just for the sheer hell of it!
In this case, I’m glad my head is where it is. Novel-writing does take its toll on a person, though. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
I would say take the pressure off yourself. Personal experience tells me that this is easier said than done. But the more pressure we put on ourselves the worse things get most of the time, yet if we relax about things a bit they seem to calm down. Vicious circles are always best broken…or rather best once they’re not circles anymore.
This time next week, I’ll have no pressure, at least for a month or so.
I feel certain sure that the man who loves clean lines, sensuous curves and clever angles in a building has just the right wife. Andra.
Best line of the day, Kate.
May I refer you to this one: http://andrawatkins.com/2012/12/25/a-christmas-convert/
I never, ever doubt that you love me, but I sometimes wonder why.
Why you love me, not why I don’t doubt.
^
It’s a good thing that love is blind.
Just catching up, dang it’s hard being retired and trying to do all these Rotary things. Sure glad I have such wonderful friends like you and the Shadow Ninja Achie-Techie guy. Hugs big time to both of you……well, only after MTM stops this whole commando thing.
I did laundry. He has clean underwear.
what one of my characters would do in the same situation… Oh Dear Lord, please watch over MTM…
And, he does.
I love this so much. I can totally understand how you will miss the fake people. I just did an imaginary shot with you. Good job, my friend.
A sequel is already brewing…….
Very crazy post. Will success cure Andra and make her the “good wife” she longs to be? Only time will tell:)
Take it from an architect… “we” too have (massive) issues … we don’t imagine people but spaces full of them !!! (No wonder why so many of us marry other architects, not many can take the time to see what we are about ) Consider yourself an explorer in the imaginary-idealistic-unachieveable world of perfection seekers!
These are some of the regular thoughts in an architect’s head “How will this handle feel as someone opens the door?” ” What if the person has difficulty operating it?” “How will the edge of the roof “feel” next to the buildings around it?” “humm that shadow gap is 5mm too big” ” Is this shade of white the best I will come up with?” “how about this grey? is it not too blue?” … and there are worst ones like “will people life happy in this house?” (as if you can ever know)
I think you should enjoy life and accept that you have a person you can be the way you are with!! and then continue to share those people with your husband as for all that i know he might be planning their own little “fake” buildings…
You sound like the perfect wife! At least you did the laundry – I have a pile staring directly at me which I am ignoring. I think a glass of wine is a much better idea