Red The Blood of Angry (Wo)Men
For over twenty years, the same person has wrangled my tresses. Through my ex-husband-and-permanent-wave-phase. During my first flirtation with highlights. She suggested I would look smashing in “The Rachel,” and she applied the second layer of fake-blonde glow to my chocolate brown head.
I even let her take my aging tresses and dye them red, with such expertise that almost no one guesses that I wasn’t Born This Way.
My relationship with my stylist is almost like marriage. It is a sacred union, sanctified by the gods of scissors and the blow dryer and a big honking vat of color, and I am Happily Wed.
Imagine my dismay when I entered the Hallowed Halls of Hair Therapy yesterday to be greeted with the following:
Charmaine (yes, that really is my hair therapist’s name): “I have to be out for a month to six weeks for a thing, and someone else is going to have to do your hair. Who do you want?”
Me: speechlessohmygodwhatamigoingtodonobodyelsecantouchmyhairOHMYGOD!!!!!! “Um. What?”
Charmaine: “You’re going to have to get those roots done before I’m back from my thing, so who do you want? I can schedule you with anyone else today, but you need to decide now.”
Me: “I’ll come to your house if you’d do it.”
Charmaine: “Andra. REALLY. Come on. Anyone here will be fine. I will give them the formula. It will look just like I did it.”
Me: “But, you won’t have done it. SOMEBODY will know.”
Charmaine: “Nobody will know. Except you, and you don’t count.”
Me: “But…….But. I’m the only one who has to look in the mirror at it every day.”
Charmaine: “It will look just like I did it. I promise. Now, who?”
Me, shaking uncontrollably: “Whoever does yours.” ohmygodthisisgoingtobeaDISASTERwhatamigoingtodo??
Charmaine: “Done.”
And, so it is that I am staring down the barrel of having foreign hands in my hair. Another vision fondling my tresses. The possibility that my hair will be purple instead of red. Short instead of long. Fried instead of lightly steamed.
I. Am. Petrified.
Do you care who touches your hair? Am I being ridiculous? (DON’T answer that.)
I had the same military barber for about 20 years, and I was definitely scared of what was going to happen with someone different. And I don’t even have anything really happening for a haircut, basically the same basic thing for my whole life. And then I went a year without a haircut…and finally I broke down, it was clear my barber who had disappeared would never be back. And I went into one of these franchise places and got a haircut. That was quite a few years ago and I don’t know that I’ve had my hair cut my the same person more than twice since then. It is weird but I’m just used to it now. Not like there is that much hair left to deal with anyway! lol
I wish I could be so flexible. I need to learn better coping skills…….
lol, mind you I have crap for a haircut, easier to have flexible when I don’t have much to lose!
With as much hair as I find everywhere, I don’t know how I have any on my head. Your haircut is not crap, either.
While my hairdresser was very happily in love with an American I was terrified that she’d leave, sell the business and leave me, rootless. They broke up. I didn’t cheer, but I was mighty relieved.
I feel your anxiety- I’d be just as bad. i’m ok with juniors helping her, but somebody else in charge of my hair? Freak!
I am glad your hairdresser dumped the American, too, Fiona. Whew. I understand your anxiety completely.
To answer your “Am I being ridiculous? (DON’T answer that.)” query, dearie….of course, you are always ridiculous; but, in a fun way.
As a kid. I went to a barbershop with about 6 barbers and whoever was up next was who I went to. Once out of college and in the working world. I continued with the barber shop approach far a while before finally going to a “salon”. Since my hair is so ridiculously easy to cut and it is always the same, I am easy money for the “salon” folks.
I have had three people cut my hair in the last 28 years, one in Savannah, one in California and now one for the last 14 years in Charleston. I guess I am either sensing a loyalty theme here or a fear to be different meme.
I think we should have a blogger “color her hair” party for Queen A, we can all bring our favorite dyes and glitter and have a go at it and see what chaos can be wrought.
http://www.ehow.com/video_4985996_dye-hair-wild-colors.html
You will NEVER touch my hair, Lou. NEVER EVER.
Have brush. will travel.
Or (shudder, gasp), “do it yourself, John” — http://www.esalon.com/
I could never read that many directions. I would probably dye my skin purple or something.
MTM: Andra, calm down. What’s the worst that can happen?
Andra: It’s gonna be awful. They’ll turn it orange, or green, or purple, or . . .
MTM: That’s not gonna happen.
Andra: It might.
MTM: If it does, I’ll buy you a wig . . .
Andra: Really? A wig. That’s your solution to my crisis?
MTM: Yup. And when you don’t need the wig anymore, we store it with our other ornaments and hang it on our Christmas Tree as a reminder of this darkest of hours.
Andra: Maybe instead of a wig, I’ll just move to an ashram. Alone.
MTM: If you leave . . . I will find you.
Andra: Or maybe I could hang out with the Hare Krishnas at the airport . . .
MTM: That would give you lots of time to research characters for your next novel.
Andra: My “next novel” . . . I like that sound of that.
This is great.
Thanks, Lou! MTM and Andra always have the funniest conversations . . . and the most unique Christmas tree ornaments.
I’ve actually contemplated a wig, but it is too hot for them in The South. I’ve always wondered how Dolly Parton manages.
So what we have here is your very own hairdresser forcing you to commit hairdresser adultery! Because of budget constraints, I didn’t go to get my “roots did” for the prior 6 months, and the roots became the crown of my head and so a few weeks ago, I took my girlfriend’s advice and Ms. Clairol and I had a date. The color I chose was a lot more like my natural early years color and I was a bit startled at first, but now after two weeks it has toned down or either I’ve gotten accustomed to it. But I’m hear to say, that Michael, my stylist, is worth the $$ I pay him to color my hair. His colors are better, and for heavens’ sake, I don’t have to lean over the edge of the tub and wrangle the hand-held shower head and hope to heaven’s sakes that I don’t spray the entire bathroom, and can wash out all the color. I cost less to DIY, and the results look pretty good, but I’d prefer to pay Michael.
I would love to see the new You, Cheryl. Please, let’s get together for a meal. My adultery should be a one-night-stand, because she will be back in business in a month-to-six-weeks. But still.
I woke up this morning thinking of you! I’d love to see you in the coming week or so for lunch!
Having come from a military family I have always sported a “crew cut” up until I was 17 years old when my father allowed me to grow it out an inch longer. He was always dictating all sorts of crap in my life. LOL To this day, even though I could grow my hair down to the floor, I still do not feel right if my hair is “too long”. Luckily for me my 17 year old son does not have the same problems with hair length and IS trying to grow it to the floor. (quizzical look from dad). What I love is the scalp massage. I am a WHORE for a good long scalp massage. Who gives a flying rip what my hair looks like when it is finished as long as my scalp is all tingly. LOL
Like you, I am a whore for a scalp massage. Or just someone who will brush my hair. I’ve never seen you with your hair too long, James.
Oh Andra, I feel your pain. Denise (Daisy) has worked her magic on me for over 24 years. We’ve been through marriages, divorces, and births together. Her oldest daughter is the same age as my Sterling. Her youngest daughter is the same age as my Carrington. She turned my hair into leopard before Dennis Rodman had it grace his head. We’ve been through every spectrum of the rainbow and currently I’m purple on top, platinum on bottom. *gulp* Daisy is moving out of state! I cried. I am not alone. She has stood beside my hair chair and worked her magic on my hair and my heart. She’s leaving me. I’m watching a big part of my gLORIousness walk away. I’m bereft and I so feel your panic. Nobody will fill her magic and creative scissors. She’s an artist and I? Well I’m just her canvas.
Have you posted any photos of this purple and platinum glory? I haven’t seen them, and I would love to. I am crying with you, Lori.
Think of it as a fun little triste with someone else. Bringing a little strange into your life.
And no, no hair comments from me….
Ew. Just ew.
When my hair was long, I went ten years without a cut. I hate getting a haircut, because it could always go wrong. I’ve oddly found somebody to cut my hair now. She’s good. But I never EVER know what I’ll look like coming out. I just tell her to do whatever, and she kind of takes me at my word, and for some reason, I always love it.
If only I could be so trusting. I admire you, Jessie.
My theory has always been “it’s just hair” so I’ve let numerous people hack and dye my hair over the years. I have never been a high maintenance hair person (I was cured of that by my best friend who was, and is a high maintenance hair person) usually preferring to keep my locks shorn to a style (?) short enough to require little or no fussing. Hairdryers are anathema to me as are curling irons, flat irons and curlers. I do like your hair red, though and hope your new gal does a bang up job!
Jill, your hair always looks great. Maybe I need to adopt your attitude.
No one cares about my dreams, but I DREAMED ABOUT MY HAIR LAST NIGHT. I haven’t gone to a salon in years (I cut my own – surprised?). I dreamed that my hair was a patchwork of shaved and frizzed and mangled bits. I was so mad, and really I don’t give a rat’s blow-dried butt what my hair is doing, ever.
Were you channeling your hair anxiety into the blogoverse?
Must’ve been. Maybe I need to go No ‘Poo, and that would solve all my problems.
Ha! Throw in a RoboCut and you’re ready to go off-grid.
Breath deep, relax, this will be okay. You will be okay. Your hair will be okay.
I have gone to the same hairdresser for 23 years. She saw me through my mother’s passing, our children’s teenage, college, and marriages, numerous medical crisis, three political campaigns. I have seen her through her children’s teenage and now college years. She recently asked me to critique resumes and essays. She’s highlighted, lowlighted, colored, cut, grew out, and made me a mother of the bride, twice. I would be lost if she ever closed shop. However, when we really started to feel the economic downturn, I needed to drastically cut back on things. Tearfully, I told her I had to start coloring my own hair. She said she understood and proceeded to guide me on color and tone and products. The funny thing is, since I started doing it myself, I’ve more compliments than I did before. You will be fine. Breath deep. Oh, I already said that.
Penny, this comment has steeled my soul. I know I will be all right.
I love my stylist so much I named a recurring character after her. And my hair is nothing special. She just *gets* me. She’s the first stylist who believed me when I said, “I never blow dry. Seriously maybe twice a year. And I don’t use product. So… when you cut my hair, it has to air dry well.”
Some loves are meant to be, Andra. I feel your pain.
Like you, I cannot stand to blow dry or use anything on my hair. I usually wash it before I go to bed, hit the pillow with it wet, and however it wakes up is how it looks for the day.
You might be ridiculous, but you’re not alone! I’m awfully attached to my stylist, too. Sometimes we just have to face the fact that life is risky. LOL!
At least I know the person who will be doing it. A total stranger would likely do me in.
My hair guru talked about what she would do when she retires one day – I developed 25 new grey hairs ;O
Linda, I just laughed loudly at this comment. Exactly the way I felt.
True story:
I was managing this band in the mid 1990s. The bass player was moonlighting in another group and he was always late for stuff. I wanted to fire him. The other guys in the band said no. The lead guitar player/singer told me “dude, he’s got the second best hair in the band after me. He stays.”
I live with four women and I know a lot about music. I know hair’s a big deal.
It IS a big deal. Thank you for understanding, Lance. Sometimes, I fear I tax MTM’s patience with my hair anxieties.
Aw, Andra, good luck. Who knows, perhaps the foreign hands will be a good thing….I sympathise, though. One’s hairdresser is sacred.
I’m glad it’s only a one-time thing.
Now that I’ve moved away from my old stylist I have to find a new one and I DON’T WANNA! Always such a process. And who can I trust to do my blue highlights?
I was wondering about that with your move. Please keep me posted on how it goes. It could make for an interesting series of blog posts.