My Wife Gave Me a Fungus
It was driving Andra crazy that I wouldn’t open her box. She had wrapped it more simply than usual, as if its minimalism would entice me to set aside my usual reserved nature and rip it open to behold her gift.
But I wouldn’t succumb. She thinks I was doing it to torture her, as if I gained some kind of pleasure from teasing her. Truth is, I believe fervently in waiting until the time is right. After all, there is no going back once you have done it, and if you do it too early, then what is there to celebrate on the big day? Against her every wish and desire, we waited. Even as she begged for me to do it, seemingly every day, I resisted.
At last, the time was right. I put on some appropriate music to get us in the right mood, and we had a wonderful dinner by candlelight. Afterwards, we got all snuggly on the couch and one thing led to another….and I gave in to her, slowly undoing the bows and carefully removing the wrapping.
Surprised? I was shocked! She had managed to keep her secret, but now it was out there in the open…a FUNGUS! Or, pleurotis ostreatus, to be exact.
This was not what I was expecting, but I had to admit, it was intriguing. I didn’t want her to think I was put off by it, so I proceeded to get it wet to see what would happen. It took a while…longer, in fact, than I ever thought it would. But with perseverance, and some patience, things finally started to happen. As long as I kept it wet, things continued to build momentum, and before you knew it…..
POW. It burst forth and blossomed into the most amazing and colossal……….Mushroom!
Andra had given me an Oyster Mushroom Kit for Christmas, and finally, after two months of tending it and wetting it and waiting, this past weekend I had grown my very first mushroom. She said she learned about it from Debra Fetterly on her blog Breathe Lighter, and then by coincidence found the kits for sale at our local Whole Foods grocery store.
Last night I clipped off that colossal fungus ear and sauteed it up in some bacon fat, with a dash of salt and pepper. It was delicious, more tender and toothsome than any store-bought mushroom I had ever tasted. It was the flavor of love.
My sister gave me the same kit for Christmas. I’ve been reluctant to get it wet. But now that I know that it will grow, I will.
Dang, and all along I thought you only grew Chia Pets. Such a man of many talents, fo sho.
Did I tell you about the time I shaved her Chia Pet down to nothing?….
I hear tell that chia is nutritious and delicious. May be something to enhance your dining experiences.
Too scary to even ask wha…wha…??!!
Shaved her what?!?
That is an AWESOME gift, and I adore your and Andra’s double entendre posts in which the trick is the sexual language and the reality is something funny or perfectly safe for work. Also, congratulations for the fungus amungus or amungyou.
My innocent mind is too young to read this blog … and you, the doctor can give you an ointment for that!
I’m with the JesterQueen – love the double entendre…and I love the love that underlines you and Andra. Sweet (but oh so much more)!!
I laughed out loud when I realized what you were talking about. I’m so accustomed to “these titles” you two come up with! Ha! I love that the gift I received a year ago inspired Andra to purchase her own gift for you, MTM, and that is one beautiful ‘shroom!
Growing a mushroom has to be one of the items on my ‘things I’ve never considered doing’ list, MTM. However, now it can’t be, as I’m considering it!
There’s an uncanny similarity between the duvet-like thing that Andra is sitting in and the burgeoning mushroom:)
That is one huge mushroom! Sounds kind of fun, though. I have always wondered if those kits would be messy but that doesn’t look too bad.
So saucy, you two with your fungi. And “toothsome?” Oh, swoon.
I would have done the same thing, and made her wait. But, Damn… look how cute she looks sitting in that chair! That look would be hard to resist. I’ve heard about those mushroom growing kits… I think I will get one. Thanks for the report.
p.s. I’m still pissed about not getting any of that Paella…