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A Long Strange Trip In Killer Shoes

shoes porn, fuck me shoes, sexy shoes, shoe envy, shoe fetish, shoe photography, european shoe photography

When presenting to large groups, it is imperative that a lady bedeck herself in the proper footwear. Heels not too high, because falling over in front of said large group could expose her naughty bits to strangers. Heels not too low, because said lady would like to create an enviable line of leg for her bored-and-sleeping group.

Just in case she is not engaging enough on her own merit.

I am NOT engaging enough on my own merit, Dear Reader. I need all kinds of help.

So.

I wore a very powerful pair of shoes to speak to District 7770 Rotarians on Friday. Shoes I bought in Paris. In 2003. Steps from the Palais Garnier. Of Spanish origin. All that European hogwash should’ve endowed me with enough grace and decorum for umpteen public speaking opportunities.

Or at least two.

But, alas, I am American. And I am clumsy. And I wore pointy Spanish/French shoes. And there were wires running along the floor. These wires were orange, and I should’ve seen them.

I DID see them, as a matter of fact.

But, the shoes.

Pointy toes. European frou-frou. Unfit for gawky American damsels.

I wore them anyway. Because I am a stupid American.

And I tripped. Multiple times. Over said wires.

I did not reveal my absent unmentionables to the poor, helpless Rotarians. I never fell that far.

But, I came close.

41 Comments Post a comment
  1. Get yerself a pair of 12 hole Doc Martin Boots, Andra. Cherry Red ones. They are tasteful, trendy and will support the ankle in times of need. You may come across as a tad Neo Nazi to your audeince to begin with, but this should be weighed against hours of safe standing and pleasant cable straddling (neither of which will now hold any fears for you!)

    March 2, 2013
    • Jim, you have just given me cosmic permission to purchase a pair of shoes that I have wanted for months and months and months. I LOVE those red Docs. I remember the first time I saw them in a shop window. I stopped on the sidewalk and just stared. Maybe I even drooled a little bit………

      March 2, 2013
  2. Oh my! I guess I missed that part, loved the repartee with you and the Chadster.

    March 2, 2013
    • It was in the first one. I got my toe caught on the orange cable as Chad was introducing me. I also managed to get the mike cord wrapped around my leg at one point.

      March 2, 2013
  3. I trip over myself whether I wear good shoes or not. On a regular basis, especially when I’m trying to make a good impressions. I just signed up to help out with coordinating some arts advocacy meetings in my area. This could be an embarrassing disaster.

    March 2, 2013
  4. Those shoes are fantastic, regardless of your ability (or inability) to walk in them. I need better shoes. I think I have less than 10 pairs in my closet. And that includes tennis shoes and a pair of bedroom slippers. I rarely trip, because I don’t have frou frou heels. But I’m not sure I’m proud of that.

    March 2, 2013
    • I am mortified to admit that these shoes are FLATS. They do not have a heel of any height. I decided to curl my hair and wear power dresses to achieve said interest points, rather than have a bunch of men focus on my legs……….So, I cannot walk in flats, either.

      You have my permission to go shoe shopping. Heck, I’ll go shoe shopping with you any time. I just might always tell you ‘life is too short….buy the shoes’ and Shawn may not let you go out with me anymore.

      March 2, 2013
  5. My first thought when I saw the picture was wow, those are really pointy and what’s next in the adventures of Andra. But those shoes are very pretty even if they are difficult to walk in.

    March 2, 2013
    • But, they’re easy to walk in………when I can walk…….which is apparently not all the time.

      March 2, 2013
  6. But your poor toes!!!

    March 2, 2013
  7. Your unmentionables were absent? OMG!!

    March 2, 2013
    • Why am I afraid to click on this link, Carnell??

      March 2, 2013
      • Its a safe link and I think you will find it hilarious! Though you might want to wait until you can play it loud.

        March 2, 2013
      • As Kenneth stayed, it is a fun, safe, and amusing video. Reminds me of you and my daughter!

        March 2, 2013
  8. At least you didn’t have your own Oscar moment, Andra. Pretty shoes. I trip in my bare feet, being, er, clumsy. My days of heels are long, long gone.

    March 2, 2013
    • Penny, I tend to go for comfort more than height these days myself.

      March 2, 2013
  9. 3 words: Foux du Fafa http://youtu.be/XRyxG3x9s34

    March 2, 2013
    • So, I just have to have that much confidence in myself, huh? Even when I know I look ridiculous? That was pretty funny.

      March 2, 2013
  10. Those are kickass shoes, though, even I think so. And you can take comfort in the fact that, placed in high heels, I always fall flat on my face. Always.

    March 2, 2013
  11. Those shoes are worth a little humiliation. Wowza.

    March 2, 2013
    • I keep getting them resoled and re-heeled because I love them so much. I wore them all through the round toe period and could care less whether they’re in style.

      March 2, 2013
  12. The Good Luck Duck #

    Cruel Shoes.

    March 2, 2013
  13. there are few things as fetching to me as a cute girl in Docs still, definitely harkens back to my high school years in a way I can’t shake I guess

    March 2, 2013
  14. Those shoes look dangerous. Glad you survived.

    March 2, 2013
  15. That you could even walk in them is impressive. Those are seriously pointy shoes! I’ll bet you looked stunning, and now your only concern is that the Rotarians may be wondering if Andra was tipsy! :-)

    March 2, 2013
    • Sometimes, they don’t have to wonder. Ha. But, I try to take my teaching role seriously.

      March 3, 2013
  16. Whoops. I was late on the first day of my first job and fell into the room because of a wire. I didn’t wear shoes like yours though, Andra!

    March 3, 2013
    • Nevertheless, I am glad I am not alone, Tom. Please know that I would’ve tripped over that wire, too.

      March 3, 2013
  17. tarakianwarrior #

    I have difficulty walking in a straight line…and picking up my feet. My poor Momma has always lamented my shuffling (as well as my mumbling). I blame my poor balance on the ear drums being busted – I’d be absolutely screwed (and not in a good way) if I ever have to “walk the line.” It’s no wonder you tripped though…those shoes are almost three inches past your toes. Ha. I HAD to pick my feet up this weekend though – trodging through one foot of snow will stop anyone from shuffling. :) Glad you didn’t hurt yourself and show off those naughty bits!

    March 4, 2013
    • You and I must walk similarly, Lori, because I don’t pick my feet up very far, either, and am constantly tripping on things because of it. You’re right……it makes walking in these shoes hard.

      I never knew your ear drums burst. How did that happen?

      March 4, 2013
      • tarakianwarrior #

        My brother beat me (that’s the short of it). He kept slugging me in the face. No, I didn’t fight back, I just looked at him (which is what caused him to hit me in the first place – yes, just looking at him – I guess I have a really good “shit eye” Haha). Now, you’re only hearing my side of the tale, however, this is how I, and my sister, remember it. Then, when my Mom got home, she looked at my swollen face, cried and ran upstairs screaming, “Why can’t you kids get along.” Now that’s a lovely memory. Anyway, two broken ear drums…not sure whether that’s why I am unable to walk a straight line and why my balance is so bad, but that’s what I’m blaming it on. Siblings…don’t ya just love them? Ha.

        March 5, 2013
      • Wow. That beats my sibling’s taking a baseball bat to my bedroom door, though he will tell you that I broke his arm once, trying to keep him out of my room. We collided in the doorway, and he fell and broke his arm.

        I hope your brother apologized, at least, and you could hear him when he did it.

        March 5, 2013
  18. tarakianwarrior #

    No, he never apologized. He did worse things, but those are in the past. We don’t have the closest of relationships, but I wish him no harm. He’s a good dad and I appreciate him for that but that’s about it. :)

    March 6, 2013
  19. As a lady who no longer wears heels either, I love beautiful shoes, and am very happy when the shoes are low heeled AND stylish as these obviously. And as you may recall, I can trip over the flattest floor. Wires laid out are just as bad as hurdles to me. Splat! So happy to hear you didn’t completely do that.

    March 6, 2013
  20. Is it a bigger sin to trip in public, or to leave such shoes unworn? I think it’s a bigger sin to waste the shoes.

    March 6, 2013

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