Fragile Liquid Perishable or Potentially Hazardous?
The post office on a tax filing due date is Hell. I was only there to mail my tax returns. Yes, at the last minute. I waited in line, scribbling my particulars on the green certified mail forms.
“Next.”
Satan at Window One. He summoned me.
I shoved my envelopes Satan’s way.
“No. NO. These are not complete. You go over there and do these right, and come back.”
“But, I just have to finish the city and state on the one, and you can do the other while I—”
“I DON’T CARE!!!!!!!!!’ Satan roared. “THEY ARE NOT COMPLETE!!!!!!!!!!! GO OVER THERE AND FINISH AND COME BACK WHEN I HAVE AN OPENING!!!!!!!!”
It took all of three seconds. I waited while a man brought in wads of cash, garnered from who-knows-where, to purchase a money order. Satan never asked him about the provenance of said cash. He never scolded the dude for not having counted it ahead of time. The bastard even HELPED him thumb through the untraceable dough.
After five minutes of one-hundred two-hundred twenty-hundred, I finally had my turn at Window One.
“Do these packages contain anything fragileliquidperishableorpotentiallyhazardous?”
“Well, they’re tax returns, as you can see, and—”
“I CANNOT PROCESS THESE IF YOU DON’T ANSWER THE QUESTION!!!!!!!!!”
‘But—”
“YES OR NO. THE ANSWER IS YES OR NO. FRAGILELIQUIDPERISHABLEORPOTENTIALLYHAZARDOUS.”
This whole encounter with YOU is all of the above, you bureaucratic Satan………I tasted blood on my tongue. “No. The answer is no. I am mailing tax returns. You are welcome to open the envelopes and make sure I am not a terrorist.”
“DON’T SMART-MOUTH ME.” Satan screeched it as he weighed-and-stamped my parcels, affixing the green certified labels in just-the-right spots.
Thank God I did not try to do that part myself. Who knows WHAT he would’ve screamed at me for putting them in the wrong places.
When he handed me a receipt, his face was lit up with all kinds of Doctor Evil. “It’s a hard knock life, girl. Have a good weekend.”
You suffer from a well known problem… You are a woman with youthful appearance … Somehow that gives bureaucrats n other people with pathological need to reinforce their authority , license to bully n patronise you… Nothing personal
Have a great day n look at the positive: taxes have been returned n you r free of this … for another year
Still have to file my personal ones, but the business ones are done.
Bastard!!!
Recasting him as Dr Evil keeps me laughing about it.
Oh the flashbacks…it was my first year as an intern during tax season with a large, Southeastern headquartered accounting firm. On both March 15th, and April 15th, I made three or four trips to the local post office, hauling in crates of signed returns that had just been signed each time. I really thought the staff were going to “go postal” when they saw me each time.
Brilliant video.
I can relate to your story.
Man did this get my anger button pushed good and hard this morning! Seriously? Wow! He’d have heard from me just as loud as he was yelling. He shouldn’t be in the position he’s in if he cannot be considerate and nice to the general public (yes, I’ve told tellers this and cashier’s). Except I wouldn’t have been so very nice as to explain it to him. And they wonder why people go “postal!” I don’t wonder, I don’t wonder at all. I’m going to go jump rope so I can get a little excess anger out in a productive way I’m sorry you had to deal with this A**hat! I’m sorry anybody has to deal with A**hats like this – even A**hats don’t deserve that kind of treatment.
Watch Dr. Evil and Mini Me. They will get you laughing again.
Too sad that folks like that are in positions to be so unpleasant. It’s a miracle that anything even works at the Post Office.
Maybe he was hormonal that day………..
And this is why the Post Office is going out of business! Well, not really but I’m sure it is a contributory factor. Customer service at the government level??! Really?
I do everything I can to avoid going there.
Oh God. we had a satan at a post office near us once. He was such a dick. I fear I liked to mess with his head. “Do you have any stamps? What kind? I was really hoping for something I could use to send to my sister in the hospital. And also maybe my Mom’s second wedding…”
Haha! I’ll have to remember that tactic the next time I’m forced to go there.
You have no idea the array and panoply of illnesses my sister had while he was at that desk. Neither did she. Ahahaha.
So I was snarly as I read your post – but then you ended with Dr. Evil and Mini me and everything was right with the world.
The post is not complete without the video. It does put everything right again.
My local post office employees love me. I even had one of the buy me a gift one time. Yes, a gift. With his own money. He said he was out shopping over the weekend and thought of me. Don’t know what you are doing so wrong…..
Rub it in, Carnell. Rub it in.
Oh I will. They are all delightful. I have even had them come running after me because there was something else that came if for me but they didn’t have a chance to put it in my PO box yet. Guess it might also help that I don’t wait until the deadline to do paperwork that requires a postmark.
this makes me feel…..stabby
The video will make you laugh.
I have never found Dr. Evil, Mini Me, or the whole Austin Powers thing funny at all. It is just stupid to me with no humor.
I don’t understand people who don’t get Austin Powers…………….I hurt myself laughing every time I watch those movies.
Next time you have postal duties that involve forms, or more tricky bits, drive out to The Edge of America AKA Folly Beach, where all the postal workers are kind, the lines are (generally) short…I went Friday a.m. to put our corp. taxes in the mail/certified, and there was only one lady in purple mailing an envelope of M&Ms somewhere…and had the postmistress weigh it for her and then she purchased some “pretty” stamps…and then asked the postmistress for tape, which our kind new postmistress gave her. Then it was my turn, and I’d filled out my forms while waiting for the M&M caper to end…and guess what? The postmistress noticed that the purple lady did not seal her envelope well nor did she affix her stamps well–and made a remark about it–and then fixed it. We do things differently out here.
She sounds delightful. I should take her some cookies, just for being so nice.
I bet she would like that. She might still ask you the “fragileliquidorperishible” question, but with a smile.
I know this satan of a clerk; he was at the post office of the town we used to live in. Actually, still is. We moved! Haha! The ONLY time he was civil, as a civil servant should be, was when I mailed a package to Medora, ND. He had been to the post office there, which is the size of a postage stamp, I’m sure, and we talked and talked and talked, he being especially interested in our daughter and son-law-working at that summer at Teddy Roosevelt Nat’l Forest. Next time I went in, I was chopped liver once again.
Pleased to say that our post office here actually has “civil” employees. Yes, they are out there, far and few between.
This post office has a couple of really nice ladies, but I ended up with the meanie that day. Interesting that your talk did not alter the demeanor of your postal worker in the future.
Petty beaureaucrats. they do love their power. Time to write to his boss?
His boss is probably worse, Kate.
Well, there ARE perks to living in freezing-small-town-America, and charming postal clerks are some of them.
They are almost never too busy to smile and chat for a moment; I even had one, in an attempt to help me find just “the right size” carton for shipping something, empty the carton that their shipping boxes came in and GIVE it to me! I think Cheryl’s right — next time, a drive to the Edge of America would be worth it to get service from an “angelic” postal employee.
Many US postal workers are nice people. I just manage to find the demon-possessed ones……
Satan read your blog before you got there and was struck with such jealousy at your winsome wordplay and love of Charleston that venom was all to be had for you.
*have i sucked up enough to make you feel better?*
funny
I have watched this accursed video so many freaking times that I have laughed all day. Your comment multiplied my mirth. Thank you.
Oh dear. What an unfortunate exception to the rule.
I hope to avoid him in future.
Ouch! I love the PO here . . . the nicest folks in the world smiling across the counter. But I have been in PO’s when that was NOT the case.
It was a bad day. I fell victim to one of Kate’s lines.
You did have a hellish experience. Maybe he’s angry that his job is in jeopardy? He might try to be a little kinder to the public. Now in my experience, we have the nicest possible women behind the counter. They chat with everyone, go get the tape and secure packages, practically fill out the forms for people….when the line is clear out the door. I am then the one in line tapping my foot in impatience and wishing they were a little more curt! LOL! Guess I’d fit right in with Dr. Evil and Mini Me!
Balance is good, Debra. I am always so grateful when someone in those positions helps me instead of sending me home, though.
I try to do as much on line as possible to avoid mad bastards like him. Strangely enough, after 10 years in the wilderness, you’ve made me realise that our people at La Poste are really nice. Maybe I’m just imagining it and I’ve never been to La Poste since I’ve been here. Why would Satan not want to operate a French post office?
The last time I dealt with La Poste, I was mailing postcards to kids. The clerk was very cordial to me.
He probably had been scheduled to be the Saturday Manager come fall and isn’t happy that we spend out tax money on big unnecessary flyey things, and boomy things, and Congress instead of on a service that delivers stuff everywhere cheap….unlike Fedex and UPS.
It’s hard to be sympathetic to someone who was just so mean, though.