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Dick In A Box

harley davidson museum christmas tree

My favorite inappropriate Christmas song. I clogged up a client’s time on Thursday describing my encounter with Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel and her parents at a random restaurant in Colorado, where the only possible fan-related thing I could’ve said was, “OHMYGOD, I LOVE DICK IN A BOX!!!!!!!”

And, Justin Timberlake really didn’t write it.

Which would’ve made it really offensive for me to interrupt his family meal.

So, I controlled myself.

Barely.

Dick in a Box (Click the highlighted title to view the NSFW video. Really. You should click it.)

Many thanks to Mutifarious Meanderings’ Joanna for giving me the inspiration for this post. Yesterday, she introduced me to a holiday song I’d never heard of: Father Christmas Do Not Touch Me.

Which, of course, led me down this unfortunate, junk-in-a-box-filled path.

Thank you, Joanna. :)

Do you have a favorite inappropriate Christmas song? All comments during this series qualify for one of twelve prizes: a collection of Christmas music OR a Crooner compilation.

92 Comments Post a comment
  1. Glad to be of service, my dear, and sorry I opened a whole new can of inappropriate festive worms :)
    Justin Bieber? 11 yr-old Little My will ask if you managed not to vomit in your plate :)

    December 6, 2013
  2. I’m at work…I’ll have to listen to this later! Well both..that Father Christmas one sounds intriguing too!

    December 6, 2013
  3. That almost killed me and it keeps going. I got to Gaga.

    December 6, 2013
    • Did you see the Motherlover one? It is THE WORST (and so, so funny.)

      December 6, 2013
      • Oh yea, I told you I got to Gaga. I think I watched at least 3 segments. I am ashamed to post it to Facebook given family.

        December 7, 2013
  4. Uh-oh. Just reread. Justin Timberlake, not Bieber. That changes things slightly…

    December 6, 2013
    • But only slightly.

      December 6, 2013
      • :-D I’m not a fan, but you should have aked him to slip into his gym suit and danced for you like he did with Byonce. Yup, sorry, I’m going to give you another link to mess up your vision of someone….

        December 6, 2013
  5. James Moffitt #

    I am quite speechless at this point. Ha! I listened to it for about 2 minutes and then shut it off. Katy was like “what are you listening to honey”. LOL Uhmmmmmm yes. I would say that it does win the Inappropriate song for Christmas. LOL

    December 6, 2013
  6. That is just so wrong. Of course one of my favorites has always been the great Christmas classic by Bob Rivers, “Walking Round In Women’s Underwear”. ;)

    December 6, 2013
  7. Dont Shoot Me Santa Claus by The Killers. Funny, very catchy, funny video, too!

    December 6, 2013
  8. I may be repeating myself but you can never go wrong with the Ramones.

    December 6, 2013
  9. Okay, not inappropriate enough? How about this one from one of my favorite performers.
    NSFW (or church).
    http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x1tdkr_give-the-jew-girl-toys_fun

    December 6, 2013
    • We both had quite a laugh at this new-to-both-of-us one, Robert.

      December 6, 2013
  10. So, you wrote about my favorite inappropriate Christmas song…but it leads to my favorite inappropriate Mother’s Day song…

    Which then leads in to my favorite song about threesomes…

    Maybe I just love the Lonely Island?

    December 6, 2013
    • Well done Andrea, you beat me to the punch of posting those!

      December 6, 2013
    • I have watched all of these entirely too much in the past 24 hours.

      December 6, 2013
  11. aboccucci #

    And yes, both of those are not exactly great to listen to at work.

    December 6, 2013
  12. Okay. That made me giggle.

    December 6, 2013
    • I have the sense of humor of a 12 year old boy. I howl every time I watch it.

      December 6, 2013
  13. I can’t possibly out do the inappropriate here. However, a holiday classic in Paganistan (the Minneapolis/St. Paul metro) is Steven Posh’s filk Mother Berhta’s Coming to Town” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wlZ1t-SYArQ&feature=share&list=PLF4457F59AE2FCD74

    December 6, 2013
    • We will be in that area on December 28th. A wedding. One of my childhood friends is marrying his partner.

      December 6, 2013
      • Sounds like a delight. Hope you don’t have weather trouble with your travels. If you’d like to email me we can compare crazy holiday schedules and see if we could snag a coffee. It would be fun to finally meet someone who’s blog I read.

        December 7, 2013
      • If you are around the morning of the 29th, let’s try to have coffee.

        December 7, 2013
      • I won’t be back that early from the family holiday affair on the 28th. Darn. Still hope you have a lovely time in the cities (and good weather). It will be fun to read about.

        December 7, 2013
  14. on a Halloween a few years ago, one of my old room mates and I were thinking of doing dick in a box costumes. And with him being black and me being white, we were going to go out and actually buy realistic looking dildos for people who peeked in the box, except I was going to have a black one and he was going to have the white one. Would have been hilarious!

    December 6, 2013
    • WHY WHY WHY didn’t you do that? I’d even consider doing that one with you.

      December 6, 2013
      • That could be even funnier, in your box there is a huge black one!

        December 7, 2013
  15. OK so this isn’t Christmas related but since you have me going down this road this early in the morning…

    I’ve got the clap by the Giggles.

    December 6, 2013
  16. I have a thing for inappropriate SNL holiday music apparently. Dick In A Box being right up near the top ties with Adam Sandler’s Hannakuh song!

    December 6, 2013
  17. This one from is solid work – Present Face

    December 6, 2013
  18. There’s nothing left that I haven’t discarded over the years. It’s hard enough getting through the season without recycling old jokes. I just tend to listen to the regular material now and then, and crack wise about the rest of it.

    December 6, 2013
  19. I still have no speakers on my computer, but amazingly enough I could get the gist of that:)

    December 6, 2013
    • It is hard to miss the meaning of tacky men with boxes on their penises.

      December 6, 2013
  20. This one always makes me laugh until chocolate milk comes shooting out my nose (whether I’m drinking chocolate milk or not, and if someone could explain THAT for me I’d very much appreciate it!).
    I’ve sent you an email with another song for you.

    December 6, 2013
  21. omtatjuan #

    And here I thought Grandma got run over by a reindeer was over the top.. Bravo!

    December 6, 2013
    • It was, when it came out.

      December 6, 2013
      • omtatjuan #

        Hey Hey there are adults here! Or is it dolts?

        December 6, 2013
    • Oops. Did I really just type ‘came out’???????

      December 6, 2013
  22. I’m totally with you on this, Andra!!! It really is a classic and should be respected as such! I can’t get enough of it…(not the d***, I mean the song!)

    December 6, 2013
    • I have laughed at this thing until my face hurt, Maria. I am a sicko.

      December 6, 2013
  23. Sorry I’m late to the party. Damn this pacific time zone and my need to sleep.

    SNL + Dick in a Box = classic. The clear winner. And since I slept in, all the other good ones have been mentioned. The only one I’ll add because it was so naughty, sexy for its time is Santa Baby [Eartha Kitt version]. All the other stupid cutest versions are fails as far as I’m concerned, but I do still like her purring Cat Woman version.

    December 6, 2013
  24. Oh yeah- Dick In A Box is a tear-jerking, belly-aching laugh every single time. Gotta love it! Who says anything suave when they somehow encounter Justin Timberlake, though. Be grateful you said anything resembling the English language and remotely related to his career. ;-)

    December 6, 2013
    • It was hard to think about talking to him. He was wearing this really awful trucker hat.

      December 6, 2013
  25. I guess the worst I ever heard was Fear’s F**k Christmas. Not sending a link though.

    December 6, 2013
    • Oh, why not? Nothing is inappropriate on a post like this one.

      December 6, 2013
      • Okay then.(Didn’t want to make a mess on your blog,) :-)

        December 7, 2013
  26. Not sure how I’ve reached 70 years and missed all this inappropriateness. Methinks I’ve lived a relatively sheltered life. :)

    I’m with Nancytex — Eartha Kitt’s Santa Baby was naughty and sexy in its day, and there’s something to be said for the subtle of those days, as opposed to the let-it-all-hang-out (you should pardon the expression) of this day and age.

    December 6, 2013
    • I am so sorry your return to this blog after your move is this post. I hope I have done better for you tomorrow, Karen. Well, I probably have and probably haven’t, but I will leave it up to you to decide.

      December 6, 2013
      • Do NOT misconstrue….just because I think sometimes that less is more doesn’t mean I cannot appreciate a bit of naughtiness now and then. And even though I’ve been commenting minimally, I have tried to at least keep up with SOME of the reading part. :)

        December 7, 2013
  27. This was hilarious to me, Andra. I watched the video and had another good laugh. It could be because it’s after midnight here and I’m a little exhausted–but no, I think it was genuinely funny! I fear I will be humming this song when I wake tomorrow. As long as I don’t use words…

    December 7, 2013
  28. Such an uplifting post!!!

    December 7, 2013
  29. god, i loved that too )

    December 7, 2013
  30. hahaha…what a great story.!! I too love that song – how brilliant.! I don’t have a good Christams song, but I love the SNL skit “More cowbell” with Christopher Walken and Will Ferrell.!!

    December 7, 2013
  31. napperscompanion #

    You crack me up. John

    December 7, 2013
  32. Thanks for giving me the chance to share my tacky Christmas favorites with the world!
    First is: Holy Shit, It’s Christmas! (with the New Christy Hamsters) and second is Walking Round in Woman’s Underwear to the tune of Winter Wonderland. You-tube versions available:)

    December 8, 2013
  33. Oh, Justin! I love that one. Just love it. And pretty much everything he’s ever recorded with Andy Samberg and Lady Gaga… and a fair amount of his solo career… And well… inappropriate songs? Probably. There are three hundred ninety six songs in my Christmas playlist.

    December 9, 2013
    • Have you listened to the whole thing yet this season, Cam?

      December 10, 2013
      • Almost… our annual holiday party runs about 5 or six hours, and that takes up a fair amount. And then there are the sublists for one’s Kindergartener’s consumption and for excluding the goth holiday one’s husband insists upon…

        December 11, 2013
  34. The closest I get is “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer”.

    December 10, 2013
    • It’s more tasteful. That’s for sure.

      Congrats on your new house, Rob. Is it in the same place?

      December 10, 2013
      • Mandan, rather than Bismarck. Other side of the river, but essentially.

        December 11, 2013

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