How to Crap When Your Wife’s in the Bathtub

(To honor my parents' fiftieth anniversary, I wrote a post in my father's voice.) Linda and me, we celebrated our golden wedding anniversary yesterday. You know, fifty years. That woman done put up with me fifty years! Naw, I cain't believe it either.

he wants to ride it

He Wants to Ride It All the Time

He climbed on it. Again. He wants to ride it All. The. Time. While I despair. Steroid withdrawal has transformed me into a chronically fatigued version of Cruella Deville. Unspeakable thoughts stream from both mouth and fingers. If I'm not pimping books, I'm most likely ANGRY and in bed. He wants to ride it anyway.


The Incredible Faintness of Being

The Architect preferred white plates. No rims. Slick buggers, soapy and wet. A slice plowed her middle finger when she dropped one. An ironic flip-off. She saw blood and bone. Her meat and marrow.