My Mother Bought Me a Taser
Well, she bought me one, and I refused to use it. Or own it. Or take possession of it.
Or whatever.
MTM and I like to go hiking. In the woods. In places without mobile phone service. And with naked people introducing themselves to us. Where we could disappear and never be heard from again.
Sort of like ‘Deliverance,’ but without the Ned Beatty bits.
My mother spent many brain waves worrying about MTM and me in these hiking situations. I mean, I don’t THINK she’s ever seen ‘Deliverance,’ but she worried that a wild animal might get after us and eat us. Or something.
She knew I did not know how to operate a gun, so she went to some paramilitary web site and ordered me a taser. For hiking. In the woods.
Now, I don’t know about you, but if a big old bear got after me in the woods, and all I had at my disposal to defend myself with was a taser, it would be safe to assume that I would zap myself to kingdom come before I would ever get close enough to the carnivorous bear. I mean, it is a BEAR. A hungry, mean BEAR. I am NOT going anywhere near it to put the taser bits to its bits. I would probably THROW the taser at it and miss, and then get eaten all up by the bear.
That is how spooked and stupid I would be.
So, I refused to take ownership of the taser my mom bought for me. I don’t know what happened to it.
But, I suspect she has it. You’ll have to ask HER what she did with it.
