My father is almost eighty-one. My mother is……….well, she’ll kill me if I type a number over fifty. Her birthday was around Father’s Day. They ganged up on us with one request:
an iPad mini.
“Because I want to be able to FaceTime your cousin Lori and see her baby. And your daddy wants to video call you ten times a day.”
!
I’m not sure I want video calls from either parent. I’ve been hearing blush-worthy tales of their escapades since my brother moved in with them.
My brother: “Can I put a lock on my bedroom door?”
My mother: “Why ever would you want to do that?”
My brother: “Because if Dad barges in butt-nekkid one more time and stands there and talks to me while he scratches himself, I’m gonna lose it.”
Apparently, my parents are nudists at home.
WHICH IS WHY I CRINGE
OVER THE WHOLE FACETIME THING.
Let’s take bets, Dear Reader. How will my parents first experience Naked FaceTime? Will Mom call my husband while she’s in the bathtub, thinking she’s calling one of her sisters? (That’s what she’ll claim as she flashes her boobs and laughs. Just wait.)
Or will Dad give me a wiener shot as he pees in the backyard? I mean KILLS TERMITES. Because OF COURSE everyone knows urine kills termites.
Sigh.
If I explain what’s captured and recorded online these days, it won’t matter. Mom won her gym’s monthly weight lifting title in her age bracket. She WANTS everybody at the NSA to see how hot she is.
Dad still doesn’t understand how video travels the internet, but that won’t stop his tingly fingers from pressing the green-and-white button a hundred times a day. He thinks everyone should witness his epic bowel movements.
What do you think, Dear Reader?
HOW WILL MOM OR DAD
NAKED FACETIME MTM AND ME?
Read what happened the first time I facetimed them…
64 Comments
I still say your dad should record and or broadcast his stories. Roy Story Time would be fantastic. I love the one about the coffin that fell out of the back of the hearse.
Should he record these stories on FaceTime? While naked?
Facetime or Youtube/Google, yes. Naked? No. Please god no. Maybe your mom though…. 😉 The bug man would like that.
It will definitely be Mom. She came out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel when we were there last AND she wore these very revealing pajamas.
AND she had to FaceTime my cousin to ask her if the pj’s were revealing……
Wow! She is loosening up. Now we see where the Cootchie Mama inherited her exhibitionist trait.
I AM NOT AN EXHIBITIONIST!!!! IT’S ALWAYS AN ACCIDENT!!!!!
Sure…. Accidents that keep reoccuring are called a habit. Hey! Not that Charleston minds at all.
I would love that too Michael
Let us see if WP puts my response UNDER this comment and not all the way at the bottom of the page.
As a new smart phone owner (I swore I never would, but caved), I’m guessing the temptation with the new Personal Digital Device will be to push ALL of your buttons, repeatedly, ad nauseum. But I think it will die down after a while. There’s nothing really bad about Naked Face Time, unless you’re closely related. Then, it’s your worst nightmare. I’m sorry. You’ll just have to deal with it. My daughter would block me. Maybe she has. I’ll never know.
What did you end up getting? You never told me.
That is a frightening prospect. Maybe they’ll get the camera turned around the wrong way the whole time and capture all sorts of other things.
Which will also be traumatic things I’m sure I don’t want to see…….
Ha! Parents and technology. I still remember my dad asking me what a wifee cafe was. aka Wi-Fi. I went with him to buy his first laptop and told him to put it to bed every night. aka Shut it down. He closed the laptop and put a kitchen towel over it. My parents were in awe of the Kindle. Do not even get me started on cameras with both sets of parents. My parents have moved to smartphones while the in-laws are still on flip phones. My father texting and being on Facebook is enough interaction for me – ha! My husband works as a remote technician and he will log into his father’s laptop and take over the controls. His father calls every time to say something is wrong with the computer. I am not sure if this is his way of showing love to his son and having fun or really does not get it. The filters fall off every once in a while and you know they are in the bathroom while interacting with you – so embarassing. My dad says it is payback and his turn to embarass me since I did it as a teenager. No longer a teenager dad! I will always be his little pumpkin though. Never a dull moment that is for sure and the older they become the level of weirdness increases at times – ha!
Have a Great Week – Enjoy 🙂
Parents love to drag out the ole ‘payback’ excuse, don’t they? This comment is hilarious. Thank you.
I’m loving this! Sounds to me like Book 5 is on its way? Please, please, pretty please? Haha. Love it!
I’ve got several projects in the works right now. Overwhelmed with how to get them all to market, promote them and whatnot.
Well, Andra, if they can do it, I don’t see why not! I can’t even set up a video call on my mobile phone!
Here’s hoping they fail to get it set up fully. 🙂
I think they will both call naked together and your mom will show you the difference between being in shape and not being in shape. I envision a back view with a butt joggle demonstration. This would probably put you and MTM over the top and into intense therapy.
OHMYGOD! MY EYES! MY EYES! SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!!!!!!
Well…I’m just sayin’
I have no guess to add here, but I am laughing out loud at the possibilities. Oh my. Good luck, Andra.
I’m afraid to click answer on any FaceTime call from them now, after reading the comment above yours.
Please don’t let it be a reenactment of the scene of Christian Bale flexing for the camera in American Psycho. Please please please no……
I will die with you.
[img]https://kettlebootydotcom.files.wordpress.com/2013/08/american-psycho.jpg[/img]
I am permanently scarred. WHY DID I CLICK ON THE LINK?!?!?!?!?!? WHYWHYWHY?!?!?!?!?!?!
Have you seen the movie?
And was it when you saw the heels up on his shoulder that you were like OMGWTFNOOOOOOOO!!!!
I’ve always been afraid to watch this movie. I like Christian Bale. I’ve always heard how he inhabited the character, and I was afraid I wouldn’t like him anymore. I’m a wuss. I know.
It is amazing, definitely watch it, I’ll come hold your hand and Krista can give you cuddles to keep you comfortable if necessary. So much awesomeness in that movie!
Mind = blown.
I cringe every time my FaceTime buzzes now……….
I cannot comment. I fear the winnings! 🙂
Your comment may be the WINNER. 🙂
WHAT!!!!!! Oh my….. it’s one thing to laugh at what images you were explaining….it’s another thing to SEE THEM! 🙂
Perhaps your dad will decide he needs to compete with your mom’s recent weight-lifting accomplishment. Are your prepared for the possibility he’ll take up naked dancing and want to show you his twerking practice? I don’t think anything is off the table at this point, but it sounds like you’re prepared for the worst!
You see the photo of my father above, right? There’s NO WAY that fat man is twerking. Mom, on the other hand……………
Ha! I thought maybe your dad would just like to try something new. LOL!
sounds funny – but life is sometimes unreal… 🙂
Liebe Grüße,
Maccabros
Life with them is a little scary these days. Ha.
hope they are saying NOT the same about us… 🙂
This has the feel of Clue: Roy in the kitchen with a paring knife; or mom in the garage with a wrench. Or maybe it’s more a game of Where’s Waldo?
I love the Clue angle. As long as they keep their clothes on when they call, I don’t care what they do.
wait a second, what is mom doing with the wrench….oh no someone quick, brain bleach!
oh, this could get scary. i love the picture of them at the top. i imagine they will do all sorts to things with it that you never even imagined. you could probably make a whole series of these happenings. like arming a toddler with a hammer. )
Here’s my biggest fear: One or both of them will accidentally put something really obscene on it, and we’ll find it after they’re gone. Brain bleach is a good thing.
yes –
I read this last night and didn’t know whether to laugh or throw up a little in my mouth. I failed to comment because I had to let my stomach settle a little overnight and I was also scared. Scared that I would say something witty and wonderful in response to your question, and you would point to me and yell, “Winner, winner, chicken dinner!” I can not say what you and MTM will see on FaceTime, but I think you need a bottle of brain bleach handy and one of those devices from Men in Black that make you forget. I’ll pray for you both from here.
Whoever wins said call has to be able to FaceTime. I’m still trying to decide who I want to potentially alienate for all time………..
nah, they can always install Hangouts and talk to anyone! 🙂
I don’t have an iPhone, so I’m out of danger. Whew!
I’m sure they could download the Skype app on their iPad. *evil laugh*
Noooooooooo!!!!!!!
YES, you will see her parents naked, there is no escaping it now!!!!
Muahahahhahahahahahaa!
Whose side are you on? Oh, never mind, you’re throwing me under the bus to protect yourself. Bad Kenneth.
My guess is they’ll go with a bathtub scene. They’ll stage it all. But then one of them will accidentally drop the iPad in the water and fry it. So no one will ever see it.
They’d better not fry it. I spent money I didn’t have on that thing. Ha.
I’m pretty sure that whatever we suggest will go on your parents list of “things to try” so I’ll just say I’m grateful that my parents are still resistant to getting a cell phone, because it would be too hard to figure out.
I survived the first FaceTime call yesterday. They couldn’t figure out how to show anything but their eyes and noses.
Something to be grateful for!
This is so funny, Andra. You will have blog-worthy material for years to come. That picture you posted of yourself with your chin cut off was perfect! Fortunately, my mom is tech-savvy but my mother-in-law, not so much. She recently activated her FB page I helped her open 3 years ago because she wants to have another try at it. Help me. 🙂
I need to try to record some of these conversations and share them with everyone. THAT would be blog-worthy material.
Maybe your MIL will remember why she stopped doing it. Facebook certainly isn’t easier than it was three years ago. Have you had an issue with your name there yet? Do you know about them deleting accounts without read names?
Oh. My. Lord. First, let me say that the photo is epic! I love it so much. It helped me get so many visuals while reading this and I couldn’t stop laughing. I simply CANNOT wait to hear what happens next.
I think they’ve actually started doing crazy stuff on purpose, because people find them entertaining.
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