Like Selling Suspenders to a Belt Salesman
“Roy, why are you wearing those pants? Those are the worst pair of pants you own. Why don’t you—”
“Mom, just stop. He’s probably using them as his trial pair. WHEN HE MESSES THESE, HE CAN CHANGE TO SOMETHING MORE PRESENTABLE.”
“Huh?” Dad attempts to hoist grease-and-varnish-stained-homeless-man pants to waist. Pants refuse to expand around quintuplet-sized belly.
“Sigh……….Roy, WHY won’t you wear your suspenders? Your daughter doesn’t want to see—”
Dad’s pants fall to knees, leaving me
traumatized grateful Mom rids drawers of holey underwear. Immediately wash brain of offending images.
“Mom, really. I don’t care what Dad shows me. I JUST WISH HE WOULD WEAR HIS HEARING AIDS!!!!!!!!!!!”
The ground under house rumbles from force of my super sonic screech. Croaking, I continue.
“Mom, I’ve got to be in Camden Thursday for a lunch presentation. Why don’t you come over and meet me?”
“Now, Andra. You know your daddy will want to come, too.”
Dad again ‘accidentally’ drops pants.
“No. NO. Even though he can’t hear anything, he’ll somehow find out I’m giving a presentation, and he’ll worm his way in there, and before we all know it, The Roy Show will take over Camden Rotary Club.” I glimpse Dad’s hairy butt crack. “Imagine the carnage, Mom.”
“But, you know. They’d probably buy your whole stock of books just to get rid of him.”
What do YOU think, Dear Reader? When I show up at Camden Rotary Club today, should I bring Roy along? Will Dad be able to remain a member of the audience? What’s your prediction for a Roy Show moment? Please leave your answers in a comment, and we’ll see who knows Roy best tomorrow.