I walked out of my childhood bedroom. Dad stood in the room across the hall.
Door wide open.
Toilet seat up.
Peeing into the pitcher Mom makes him use to keep him from spraying the whole bathroom every time he goes. He looked up from his business and smiled at me.
“Don’t leave before I get to hug you bye, Andra.”
!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I ran away from that brain-scarring scene, part-of-where-I-came-from on display and everything, and hightailed it for the door. “YOU’RE NOT TOUCHING ME UNLESS YOU WASH YOUR HANDS, DAD!!!!” The words echoed in the front room when I plowed into Mom.
“What? What are you talking about, Andra? What has Roy done now?”
I told her. The open bathroom door. Dad doing number one. The desired hug.
While Dad lumbered out of the bathroom with his fly unzipped and his arms wide, Mom stood there and laughed until she couldn’t breathe. I ducked Dad’s attempted hug and focused on Mom. “What’s wrong with you??”
“I laughed so hard……..I think I wet my pants.”
I hope Number One is part of letting your love flow……..because I have it all over me right now. Isn’t March going to be a scream, Dear Reader?
68 Comments
lol….oh my.! how is it even possible we have this in common.! My mom used to make my dad pee into a pitcher for the very same reason.! hahaha…Thank you for the belly chuckle Andra 😀
Glad it brought back an, um, good memory, Rose….. 🙂
A graphic pitcher! 🙂
Hahahahaha!
Oh. My. God. OMG!!!
That is too funny. Do you make sure no one drinks tea from a pitcher in your parents house?
That is too funny. And I though my grandmother, and now my aunt, taking their teeth out was hilarious. This is far, far better.
His pitcher sits on the back of the toilet in the main bathroom. I knocked it off once and really struggled……leave it there? Or pick it up? In the end, I picked it up, because Dad certainly can’t lean over behind the toilet these days. He’d never be able to get up.
Thank you for a morning laugh. Sorry you had to be traumatized to do it. I always told my children “It’s a parent’s job to give their children something to talk about when they go into therapy.”
I think Dad does these things on purpose now, Lisa.
This sounds like the post you wrote about Roy’s proclivities to pee outside against the shed right before asking for a hug.
He’s quite the exhibitionist, isn’t he?
It’s always great when people remember things I’ve written before, Nancy. Thank you. He is quite a character. 🙂
That is hilarious!!!! Now I wish my mom had insisted that my dad and brothers do that.
I know. My brother used to pee all over the floor. Of course, he chased me and tried to pee on me pretty often……….boys. Sigh.
To pee or not to pee…is never a question.
It actually became a question for me today. On a long walk in town, there wasn’t a bathroom handy. I had to keep saying, “Not to pee not to pee not to pee” until I could find a bathroom.
Alright I’m a lousy shot.. It’s the nature of the beast. Want to know embarrassing? Without getting into details, I used a company provided , “brief relief”. You dont need the details but it’s a plastic bag, well you get it. I was using it and after a few seconds I noticed a hole was in it. Talk about wetting oneself…
If I had to stand up to do my business, I’d be a lousy shot too, Juan.
You stubble in to the bathroom half asleep and the next thing you know the cat meows out and it sounds as if the fish tank air pump is out of water… The problem is You don’t own a fish! tank
What?!? No streaming video?
Oh, that one was good…
Shame on you, MTM.
. . . but, it twas funny.
Did that really happen?! That’s awesome. I would so never pee into a pitcher.
It really happened, Paul. Everything on this blog really happens, unless I label it Fiction. 🙂 My mom got tired of cleaning the toilet up after Dad, so the pitcher was her solution.
I knew someone, an older gentleman, who used a large Folgers coffee can because he did not want to walk all the way to the bathroom multiple times per night. I remember how grossed out I was when I saw this.
Please, please, PLEASE do not let my father read this comment……….he would so do something like that.
Oh sweet baby jeezus… So much to comment on here: the peeing with the door open. The Pitcher. THE PITCHER.
I can’t. I just can’t. Need to process this all before I can comment.
Just so you know what you might be getting into. 🙂
You realize this is more an enticement than a deterrent in my twisted mind.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFR9kTz1uhs
Now I know why some guys pee in the sink. It’s at the proper level for most of us, er them…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oShTJ90fC34
I know a friend who met his wife almost the same way. He was at a dinner party about 20 years back, and was using one of the bathrooms when she walked in on him. He turned around and peed on her shoe, but she just stood there for a few seconds before letting out a startled “Oh!” before blushing, turning around and stumbling out. Turns out she was legally blind (mysterious sunglasses in the evening should have given it away) and literally didn’t see him there. Love is blind, right? They’re still together, last I heard.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=obKLdou0LH0
Oh, Dad’s totally peed in the sink. Multiple times. And this was back when I was still living there, so three decades ago.
Aha. My theory is sound. Have MTM or someone design a tall toilet and see what happens. That, or have a hole knocked in a wall and a urinal installed. Problem solved. Except for the new draftiness issue…
If we went to all that trouble, Dad would still pee in the sink or pee outside………he wouldn’t use the dang urinal.
Ha! I forgot. I’m a guy so I shouldn’t forget.
I can see it now: Roy standing there watching the urinal being installed and chatting up the guy doing it about the job… before peeing in the sink once it’s all set up.
And when he walks out of the bathroom, the guy who installed it will pee in the sink as well… Yeah, we’re awful like that… sorry, ladies!
oh, what a nightmare.
and very nice picture 🙂
I always love to look at myself with that big red gash on my nose. Ha.
Save us and help us! Certainly he is not clueless and has done this to generate a blog post…or this is his normal pattern and he forgot that there was an adult child in the house? I would have screamed!
Normal pattern, Cheryl. Mom actually told me they were both being good while I was there and that I wouldn’t want to see what goes on when I’m not.
I don’t even want to think about what that means……….
Ha-ha!!!! Thanks for the laugh today.
Glad to be of service, Amber.
That is hilarious! March is going to be a hoot!
It’s only really funny when he doesn’t try. These things must happen organically, as this one, um, did.
I’m still giggling!
What a gigglefest I had this afternoon when I read this. Oh thank you Andra – it’s been a rough couple of days and I surely enjoyed the laughter…I did have to check my seat…to make sure…it was all good. 😀
Sorry you’ve had a rough couple of days, Lori. Sending you a big, fat hug. I’m glad your seat wasn’t wet, because that would’ve extended the couple of days………..
You’re are fortunate to have such a free-flowing love relationship with your dad, Andra! Thanks for the wonderful laugh!
I’m not sure I want it to be THAT free………Ha.
Your parents are my heros!
I’m glad they’re somebody’s, Jon. 🙂
I only have one thing to say : Hahahahhaa…funny
okay..I lied…
How old ere you when this happened anyways?
What? The picture? I was almost two years old in the picture. The incident chronicled in the blog post, I’m ashamed to say, happened yesterday.
Wow…yesterday??
Okaaay…yea…that could be quite disturbing..hehe
I, too, have been witness to my father throwing caution to the wind and making the restroom available for public viewing. Considering a lot of my schools had multiple person urinals, I wasn’t as shocked but it gives off a whole sloppiness to the idea that I wonder if he has just given up on life.
But you’re a guy. You have the same equipment. It isn’t as traumatic for one guy to see another guy pee, even if the other guy is one’s father. I mean, we don’t have open stalls in the women’s restroom for a reason, but the urinals in men’s rooms always seem to be out in the open. Don’t ask me how I know this, Nate.
As long as it’s in a restroom, I guess I’m not as chafed. Peeing outside in public? Now, that’s very irksome to me. I hate it when people think they can pee on anything they want.
oh i am so sorry that happened and that i am laughing so hard. i had better be careful )
I am proud to know every word of that song.
🙂
Couldn’t think of an appropriate comment when I read this post early today. Now it’s nearly tomorrow; still can’t! 🙂
Not much appropriate about this one.
Oh yes! Your dad will have the whole of the great outdoors and won’t need a pitcher! That’s a little scary for all of us. LOL! Steel yourself, Andra. It’s going to be a crazy adventure!
I fear I will be going outside more than I’d like.
Bladders are evil!
They are.
ahhhh!
Since I have all girls and a blended family I am adamant about locked/closed doors and knocking.
My teenager and I have had a handful of close calls and both of us are the “modest” ones in our home.
but…still funny, andra
I prefer your approach, Lance.
Funny and makes me remember my brother peeing out of a window in the middle of the night. Yes, the window fell down. Yikes.
Oh, Phyllis. You made me laugh out loud. Thank you. 🙂
She made him use a urinal jug? That’s a little extreme, isn’t it?
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