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Andra Watkins

Alas For Her!

This post is part of the Mirror Series. If this is your first visit to the Mirror Series, please click here and follow the arrows at the top right of each post to read the series from the beginning. Thank you for reading!

John Donne 72.

DEATH be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadfull, for, thou art not so,
For, those, whom thou think’st, thou dost overthrow,
Die not, poore death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleepe, which but thy pictures bee,          5
Much pleasure, then from thee, much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee doe goe,
Rest of their bones, and soules deliverie.
Thou art slave to Fate, Chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poyson, warre, and sicknesse dwell,   10
And poppie, or charmes can make us sleepe as well,
And better then thy stroake; why swell’st thou then;
One short sleepe past, wee wake eternally,
And death shall be no more; death, thou shalt die.

Darkness. It engulfed me. My heart still raced from the madness of it all. She was dying – she WANTED to die. Finally, I convinced them to let her go. The chaos stopped. I know I saw her walk into the light.

With the casual flick of a switch, I was blinded. Gazing into the gaping path of pure whiteness can cause sight issues when the beam stops glowing, when it is replaced by nothingness, a void. The room was silent. Where people had been swarming all around me just seconds ago, I felt no one. All that possessed my mind was the compulsion to move to the right, to get out of the way lest the light return too soon. It might decide to devour ME next time.

I knew this place. Confidence illumined my blackened steps as I plowed through the murk. Something brushed past me, and I knew if I followed it, I would find my place. Returning to myself again was always easy. This in-between time was the portal, the mirror, that eased me back into ME. If I kept moving I would make it. Almost, I was ALMOST there.

My knee struck something hard. I bit my lip to keep from screaming. The searing pain made me dizzy, but it didn’t make me deaf. I heard an object fall, its bouncing echoed through the needle-like silence of the room. With every reverberation, I felt my doom, forever to be trapped in the in-between. Heart throbbing in my center, I stood. Scrapes along the floor ebbed and charged, seeking to block my return. Could it see in this blackout? Waiting. Anticipating it, the menace that threatened to banish me .

When the lights came back up, the first thing I noticed was……..laughter?

My exit stage right at the end of the play Wit was a crashing, deafening disaster as I careened into the long forgotten desk from Act 1 that was stored in the wings. To have to go back onstage, face the audience and take my bow – it would surely be the death of me.


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27 Comments

  1. William Shakespeare’s Sonnet 23 As an unperfect actor on the stage

    As an unperfect actor on the stage
    Who with his fear is put besides his part,
    Or some fierce thing replete with too much rage,
    Whose strength’s abundance weakens his own heart.
    So I, for fear of trust, forget to say
    The perfect ceremony of love’s rite,
    And in mine own love’s strength seem to decay,
    O’ercharged with burden of mine own love’s might.
    O, let my books be then the eloquence
    And dumb presagers of my speaking breast,
    Who plead for love and look for recompense
    More than that tongue that more hath more express’d.
    O, learn to read what silent love hath writ:
    To hear with eyes belongs to love’s fine wit.

    1. I hope everyone looked at my wrecking the end of that exquisite show that way, I cannot imagine The Bard making such a stupid mistake.

  2. Lou we missed you so,
    wherever did thou go?
    One day without comment
    and now a Bard’s sonnet.
    But no Python link did you bestow.

    1. Now MTM, you know Lou is drinking the Rotary kool-aid this week. I am honored that he stopped by today. 😉

      1. Yeah, Dude, what she said.

  4. Another excellent post in your Mirror series! My heart was in my mouth until the end, when fear turned to laughter. And memories of my own turns on stage (my knees knocked together visibly and I kept myself from collapsing only by sheer will). I’m much better suited to behind-the-scenes work. 🙂

    1. I love performing. I miss it sometimes. (These unfortunate episodes notwithstanding…….)

      Behind the scenes can be even more fun, though, especially when you get to watch an actor who forgot to don the correct, modest unmentionables remove his pants on stage to a big surprise. For everybody.

      The show must go on……..

      1. I miss both, too. I was a head stage hand at the defunct Serenade show for a bit. Running around in all black like a Ninja. Good times. And yes, the things you see from that vantage point! It feels like Vegas secrets… 🙂

  5. I saw you in that show – must have been a different night. The night I was there was transporting, much like your pieces this week.

    1. This was opening night. I crashed the ending in front of a packed house on opening night. Cherie nailed that ending. You could hear a pin drop. The audience was stunned.

      Exit me, stage right with an explosion of inappropriate noise.

  6. Very good. I had no idea what you were talking about til I got to the end 🙂

  8. Not to be outdone by Lou….

    Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player,
    That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
    And then is heard no more. It is a tale
    Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
    Signifying nothing.

    (Macbeth Act 5, scene 5, 19–28)

    Besides, I know how much MTM loves MacBeth.

    Nice to know though that your writings do not signify nothing. You writings are much more than that. That touch us deeply.

      1. I havre always loved that one too. I used to know most of MacBeth by heart.

        1. I can’t memorize Shakespeare. It just will not stay in my noggin. 🙁

  9. I think I was holding my breath . . . Turning terror into laughter – brilliant!

    Sorry for the ignominious experience that led you to this post, but it also led you to further personal growth, and all of us to an enjoyable read. (Also sorry I never had the opportunity to see you on stage, in this or any other play.) 🙁

    1. These are the things I remember from performing. They all make me laugh now, and pretty much nothing ruffles me in front of a group. So, all good.

  10. Lovely ending 😀
    But a Donne quoter! Someone who includes long passages of Donne in her work! I thought I was the only one: centuries after he died, I am a little in love with this tortured soul. What a fabulous treat for me, late on a Friday evening after the day’s labours are done. Thanks, Andra!

    1. I hope you have a glorious weekend planned, Kate, with a ramble. And, I think next week you’re on holiday.. 🙂

  11. Ouch! 😀

    I’ve only been in one non-school production (community theater) and what I remember most was either being completely blind backstage, or, after I’d been back there awhile, watching cast mates shuffle and grope, blind as can be.

    And once, in a high school production, the lights came up on me before I’d picked up the prop phone; the scene was supposed to open in mid conversation.

    again, ouch

    1. I am the world’s biggest fan of glow tape. It is the best invention ever. This production had no glow tape budget. 🙁

      It is funny how blind you are when you leave the stage, even if lights are dim backstage.

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